TRODDEN ON BY A WANDERER
Son, if you dont get rid of that brazen woman, just know you no longer have a mother! That Nickys at least fifteen years older than you! Mum would lecture me for the hundredth time.
Mum, I just cant! Even if I wanted to… Id try to explain.
I once had a sweet young girl, Lily, when she was fourteen. Honest, reserved, everything Id hoped for. I first met her at a school dance when I was eighteen. She caught my eye and I was smittencouldnt get her out of my mind.
Through one of her friends, I managed, by hook or by crook, to ask Lily out. You think she showed up? Of course not! Like a determined hunter, I started tracking her down. Got her phone number, rang her, pleaded for a chance to meet. At last, Lily relented, but said Id have to come by her mums and ask for permission myself.
I stood at her doorstep sweating, blushing, heart pounding with nerves. Her mum turned out to be a friendly, good-humoured woman. She trusted me with her precious daughter for precisely two hours.
Lily and I strolled through the park, chatting and laughing. Everything wholesome. Suddenly, she said:
Simon, I have a boyfriend. I think I love him. But hes a dreadful flirt. Im tired of catching him with other girls. I have my pride, after all. What if you and I gave it a go? Would you like that?
I raised my eyebrows and studied her more closely. So Lily could act all innocent, but also seemed to know what she wanted. I found myself even more drawn to her.
Our two hours together flew by and I duly returned her to her mum.
After that, I couldnt imagine life without her.
Mum adored Lily as wellcalled her a little ray of sunshine. Lily came round to ours often. Mum would share her wisdom, chat away with her for hours; sometimes theyd forget all about me altogether.
When Lily turned eighteen, we started talking about marriage. Neither of us had any doubts, nor did our families. We set the wedding for autumn.
Summer arrived. Lily went off to visit her gran in the country. I spent the whole summer helping Mum out at the allotment.
One afternoon, as I watered the tomatoes, someone called out:
Young man, would you mind giving us a drop of water?
I turned to see a woman of about thirty-five, a bit haggard, hair all over the place, but a spark in her eye. Not anyone I recognised from the other plots, but I couldnt just refuse, could I? I filled a mug from the well and handed it over.
Help yourself
She drank with delight. Oh, thank you, lad! Nearly passed out with thirst. Ive got some of my homemade liqueur with me. Go on, take a bottle as thanks, dont be shy.
And with that, she pressed a full bottle into my hands. Well, who am I to refuse? I called after her as she left:
Thank you!
That evening, while Mum was in town, I opened the liqueur at dinner. Had she been home, shed never have let me touch it.
The next day, the same woman turned up. We got to talking. Her name was Nicola and she lived nearby. I invited her in. She brought another bottle of that sweet drink. I slapped together a quick salad and some sandwiches, and before we knew it, the bottle was gone. To this day, I regret what happened next.
Nicola took charge, made a fool of me. I was completely under her spell, like a lost schoolboy. I didnt even know who I was any more, it was as if I was stumbling about in a thick fog.
When I came to, Nicola had vanished and Mum was standing over me, trying to rouse me.
Simon, whats happened here while I was away? Whove you had over? And why is your bed such a state, like a herd of horses ran across it? Mum asked, troubled.
I could barely open my eyes. Foggy head, hands trembling. I couldnt explain a thing to her. By the evening Id pulled myself together, remembered everything, and felt horribly ashamed for what Id done to Lily, my fiancée.
But not a week had passed before Nicola was back. AndGod help meI was pleased to see her, even missed her a little. Mum came to the door, hands on hips:
And what do you want, madam?
I ushered Mum back inside.
Mum, thats not how we treat guests, is it? Maybe shes just thirsty from the walk. You shouldnt snap at people, I tried to calm her.
A guest? Thats Nicola-from-the-cottages! Even the postman knows her. Roams about, seducing men! Hmph! Good-for-nothing! And now shes after you! I forbid it! Get rid of her this minute! Mum fumed.
She didnt realise it was too late. Nicola must have bewitched me with her crafty liqueur. I was clinging to her, not of my own free will. I knew she wasnt for me, I didnt love her, but I still followed her around like a fool.
I forgot about Lily entirely. When Nicola found out about my engagement, she only said:
Simon, your first little fancy is never the real thing.
The wedding was called off.
My mum invited Lily round and told her all.
Im sorry for daft Simon, love. He doesnt know the pit hes falling into. Hell wake up too late. Hell throw away everything for that woman. You go live your own life, dear. Mum apologised.
Lily did just thatmarried well.
Then, desperate to separate me from Nicola, Mum visited the Army Recruitment Office and asked them to call me up straight awayId had a deferment till then. Next thing I knew, I was posted to Afghanistan. I wont describe what I went through there… I came home minus three fingers on my right hand. A light wound, they told me.
My mind was shot to bits. I came back fearless and numb. Nicola waited for me at home, and our son had already arrived. Before leaving, Id wanted to plant the seed, just in case I didnt return. Our son was born while I was away. In that war I dreamt of having five children.
Mum still couldnt stand Nicola. She kept up with Lily, even knitted jumpers for her little girl. For some odd reason, Mum believed the girl was mine. Id have loved that, but it wasnt to be.
Lily popped round sometimes, asked about my life. Mum would only sigh:
Oh Lily, Simons still with that wanderer. I doubt hell ever break free. Honestly, what does he see in her? Ill never know…
Lily told me many years later about this ongoing grief.
Eventually, I took work up north, and Nicola and our three kids came with me. Two more children followed. My dream of five children came true, but after two years our little girl passed away from pneumonia. The northern climate is brutal. We returned to our small town. Under familiar oaks, it was easier to bear pain.
I found myself thinking of Lily, the fiancée Id thrown away, more and more. I learned her phone number from Mum, who even gave me her address but warned me not to stir things up in Lilys settled family.
I rang, and we met up straight away. Lily had grown more beautiful with the years. She invited me to her home, introduced me to her husband as an old friend. He seemed certain of her; cheerfully went off to his night shift, leaving us alone.
There was half-finished champagne and fruit on the table. Lilys daughter was staying with her nan.
So, Simon, tell me how lifes been for you. Ive heard it all from your mum anyway, Lily smiled, looking right through me.
Im so sorry, Lily. It happened the way it did. Cant undo life now. Ive four children now, I muttered.
Nothing to undo, Simon. We met, we remembered our youth, and thats enough. I just feel sorry for your mum. All these years shes been hurting for you. Be gentle with her, she asked.
I looked at Lily and couldnt take my eyes off her. Time had been kind to herstill just as lovely, just as desirable. I took her hand, kissed it as gently as ever.
Lily, I love you, same as I did when we were young. Our love just slipped by. You cant rewrite life. Im sorry for everything, I blurted out.
Simon, its late. Best you be off now, Lily said, drawing a line under our evening.
But could I truly just walk away?
A tide of feelings battered mea mad, desperate longing. In the morning, I slipped away quietly. Lily was sleeping sweetly.
We ended up meeting in secret for three years. Eventually, Lily and her husband moved to the suburbs and our contact stopped for good.
As for Nicola, we divorced after our children were grown. Mum had been right all along. A wanderer through and throughshe trampled over my life, left my heart broken.
No matter how much you boil water, itll always be just water.
Of all my children, only my first son turned out to be truly mine.
If theres one lesson Ive learned, its to heed the quiet, patient wisdom of those who love you most, before life sweeps you up, and you missperhaps foreverwhat really matters.












