Didnt Want To, But I Did
I never really learned to smoke properly, but for some reason I convinced myself it helped soothe my nerves. There I was, standing in the garden of my grandmothers old cottage, quietly watching the sleepy village lane. The sky hung heavy tonight, mirroring my anxious heart. Life lately has been overshadowed by heavy worries.
I live alone now in Grans house, ever since she passedmy parents are just seven miles away in the next village. I craved independence, wanted to make my own way, and at twenty-three, it was time. My jobs at the local Post Office.
Couldnt even finish the cigaretteput it out and tossed it away. I dont know how Vicky manages to chain-smoke like its nothing, I thought, remembering her advice that it calms nerves. Never worked for me.
Just as I turned to go inside, the new local bobby, Anthony, drove by in his patrol car. Hed only recently been transferred from Kent, the girls at work had said. I watched the car disappear, stepped back indoors as the sun dipped behind the hills. Tonight was not just any night; I had something difficult and dangerous to face.
The day before, work was slow; only a trickle of villagers popping in. Tomorrowll be chaos, said Mrs. Anne Hudson, my colleague, pension day brings the whole lot. Shed worked at the Post Office since she was a girleveryone knows her. Thirty years sorting letters and stamps, she declares proudly. Cant imagine doing anything else.
Youre what keeps this place running, Auntie Anne! laughed young Vicky, full of sunshine. Mum says if it werent for you thered be no Post Office at all.
Oh, stop, Anne replied, Im replaceable. Suppose Ill retire soon enough.
In rolled Marina, bustling and out of breath from the heat. I just popped in because Mrs. Gladys next door asked me to renew her magazine subscription. Loves her reading, poor soul. Were off early tomorrow, all the way to Spain! She chattered about sun and beaches, then left, promising holiday snaps to all.
Bet that trip cost a fortune, Vicky marvelled.
Theyve got the cash, her husbands a farmer, Anne said with a knowing look.
I kept quiet as usual, watching, listening; my mind spinning.
Later, Anthony appeared, cheerful as a summers day. Morning, just checking for a parcel notice, he said to Vicky, only his gaze caught mine and lingered.
Didnt know such lovely girls worked herethough you look dreadfully sad.
Anne observed, Thats Emily. Lost her fiancé not long ago.
Three weeks ago, my darling David was found dead in the woods near the market town. They said he had gambling debts, secret games in some underground club. I had no idea. The police found nothing, but one night two young men from the city showed up at my door. Id seen David with them before.
Your fiancé owed us big£3,000, said Luke, the older one.
But hes gone, I stammered.
Debts dont die, love. Youre going to pay up. Well be back in two weeks. Dont even think of telling police or youll regret it. He shoved a set of lockpicks into my hand. You work at the Post Office, you know whos got money.
I locked the door the moment they left, feeling the blood pounding in my ears.
Days passed in sleepless terror, until I decided, late at night, to break into Marinas house. She and her family were away in Spain. No dogs, just locked gates. Heart racing, I climbed over the fence, used the picks as Luke showed me. Every step screamed at my conscienceI was becoming what I most feared.
Inside, moonlight spilled through the window. As I rifled drawers, ashamed, I begged silently, David, what have you done? Im left to pick up your debts, forced into crime.
All I found was £150 in cash, a gold ring and bracelet in the bureau, and a laptop on the table, which I shamefully slid into my bag.
Just as quietly, I snuck out, heart thudding so loudly I thought the whole village would hear. Not a soul about, save a sleepy bark here and there. Nobody saw me. Back home, I buried the stolen things deep in Grans old trunk. That night I barely slept.
Next morning, headache pounding, I dragged myself to work, mouth dry with worry. Just before lunch, I popped down to the local café.
Afternoon, Anthony said, surprising me at the door. I nearly jumped out of my skin.
Dont worry, Im just grabbing lunch too, he smiled.
Had he guessed? Did he know my secret already? My mind spun with guilt. But when I met his eyes, gentle and teasing, I calmed. From then on, we began sharing lunches, and sometimes after work hed walk me home, even stay awhile.
Gossip, of course, travels faster than a village bus. Emilys snagged the new copper, grumbled Tamara, my Tania fancied him! Trust Emily to swoop in. Others shrugged. Come on, you can see hes smittenas are we all.
Our feelings grew. We became inseparable, though some muttered, She only just buried her fiancé and already found someone new. Others were kinder: Must she grieve alone forever?
Secretly, I was haunted. The deadline for Luke and his mate approached. What if they found Anthony with me? I yearned to confess to him, and finally, two days before their return, I couldnt bear it any longer.
I need to tell you something, I said. He just grinned, I knowI love you too.
No, not that, its its something terrible
As I stammered out the story, Anthony listened, face drawn. He struggled to believe the girl he loved had done such a thing. But he understoodtheyd threatened me. You must face the consequences, Em. Wheres the stuff? I handed over the bag, shaking. He calmed me, promised to help.
Two nights later, there was a knock. I opened the door, hands shaking, and found Luke and his friend looming. Wheres the money? Luke demanded, gripping my arm painfully.
I couldnt get it, but please just a little more time
They threatened me, tearing at my shirt. Suddenly, Lukes friend crumpled on the ground, then Luke as Anthony tackled him from behind. The second policeman cuffed the companion. Its over, Anthony said softly. Theyll pay. Come to the station tomorrow and well get everything sorted.
After a long talk with the detective, I confessed all. When Marina returned from holiday, everything was restored, and Anthony quietly asked the officer not to spread my part of the story. Somehow, it was agreed that Luke and his mate took the blamethey had, after all, killed David. The law saw to them properly.
Anthony proposed to me soon after. Our wedding was joyful, his love healing my battered soul. Now were raising our daughter, Olivia, with laughter and hopemy past behind me, and brighter days ahead.
