Let Me Go
Sometimes, Liz would pause. She’d stand still for a moment, then swiftly turn around, peering into the darkness with swollen, tear-filled eyes. But she saw nothing. She couldn’t see, couldn’t hear, but she felt something.
*****
Liz thought about her cat everywhere she went: in her empty flat, on the bustling street, in the crowded bus, at her desk in the office, or standing in line at the coffee machine.
Even when she went shopping for groceries and walked out with heavy bags, her cat was on her mind.
Occasionally, she even imagined…
…that she saw her. Yes, she really saw her!
A fluffy white tail flickered past her eyes and quickly disappeared around the corner of a building or waved at her cheerily from behind a nearby bench.
Oh, what joy it was to catch a glimpse. To see the one she couldn’t live without. The one who was always by her side.
In those moments, a spark of hope would flicker in Liz’s otherwise dim eyes.
A tiny glimmer, almost ghostlike, yet it was hope. Could it be that everything that happened wasn’t real?
Oh, how she wanted to believe that.
But it was only a fleeting moment.
A brief instant between the past and the future. A past that was lost and a future…
…that would never come.
No matter how hard she tried to find her beloved “blonde” in the endless grey days, she couldn’t succeed, and tears welled up in her eyes.
Large, hot droplets rolled down her cheeks, carrying away sadness, pain, and the last piece of hope.
“Liz, you can’t go on like this!” her friends would say. “Let her go!”
But she couldn’t let go.
How do you let go of someone you love? How?! Letting go means forgetting? Forgetting?! Are you serious?
She tried, she really did, but nothing worked. Because she couldn’t forget.
How could she forget when she thought about her every single day?
The only thing she wanted to forget, to erase from memory forever, was…
…that day when her cat suddenly disappeared.
Yes, Snowy was quite old and had been sick lately, but Liz hadn’t expected it to happen so soon. She wasn’t prepared. Can anyone ever really be prepared for such a thing?
Those who are prepared are ready to let go. But she didn’t want to let go. She couldn’t.
She didn’t care what her friends thought or what her colleagues whispered behind her back, twirling their fingers by their temples.
Everything is known in comparison. And her friends and colleagues had nothing to compare it to.
Perhaps, in time, things would change. But right now… the pain was still too intense and…
…her tortured mind conjured such vivid, lively images.
She’d wake in the morning and see Snowy lying beside her at her feet: her heart would start pounding harder, faster, threatening to leap out of her chest. But when Liz reached to touch the cat, reality set in, and the smile faded from her face.
Such reality could drive anyone mad.
And Liz might have succumbed to it, if not for her imagination, which would hurriedly begin painting different pictures in her mind.
There was Snowy gracefully walking along the bookshelf, jumping down to the floor, and darting into the next room…
There she was, sprawled on the window sill, grooming her white fur and smiling at the sun, which cheekily peeked through the window to admire Snowy alongside Liz.
How beautiful she was: a natural blonde. Not a single dark spot.
Only a few “freckles” adorned her sweet face, but they didn’t mar the perfect image. On the contrary, they made it even more charming.
Liz spent a long 15 years with her cat.
That’s a lot. So much. Almost a lifetime in miniature.
Throughout that time, so much happened in her life: the good and the bad.
Sometimes Liz felt like she’d reached her limit…
Nothing left to lift her up again.
No one to lend a helping hand. But suddenly Snowy would appear, helping her up. She’d reach into the depths of Liz’s soul, stirring something there with her gentle purrs.
It worked.
Liz would get up and carry on. Because there was something to live for. Someone to live for. But now? What was the point now?
She sat on a park bench, weeping softly, turning away whenever people passed by. So they wouldn’t bombard her with questions.
And sitting beside her was Snowy. Pressing close with her entire body, purring to soothe her owner.
Her former owner, because…
…her cat was no longer of this world.
But she couldn’t reach the rainbow either. That’s why Liz couldn’t let her go. Couldn’t release her.
“Let me go,” she meowed.
“I can’t!” wailed Liz, not talking to anyone in particular but to everything around her:
The trees, silently standing, clouds drifting lazily across the blue sky, and the sun, setting beyond the horizon.
They sat together on the bench until late into the night. Snowy could see and hear her owner, but Liz only felt her presence. Yet even that meant a lot.
Wrapped in the evening chill, Liz felt her feet cold in her light shoes, though her knees were warm for some reason. That’s where Snowy now sat, caught between two worlds.
Between the world she could never return to and the world she couldn’t reach.
No, Snowy didn’t blame Liz for this. How could she blame her for anything?
How could she accuse the person who loved her more than life itself, who gave her life when others had left her, a helpless kitten, to die on the streets?
Ah, if only she could live another life, Snowy would willingly endure pain and suffering again just for Liz to save her. To be with her once more.
But is that possible?
The woman stood and went home. The cat followed at a distance.
Sometimes, Liz would pause. She’d stand still for a moment, then swiftly turn around, peering into the darkness with swollen, tear-filled eyes. But she saw nothing. She couldn’t see, couldn’t hear, but she felt something.
She entered her flat, headed to the bedroom, and lay on the bed, while her beloved cat too settled beside her, by her feet. And Liz knew she was there… She knew and didn’t want to let go.
Perhaps this could have continued. For some time. But time heals.
No, it doesn’t completely mend, but it becomes easier. It’s normal. It’s how it should be.
Even losing the dearest and most loved ones, we must move forward. That’s the fate of those who remain.
To remember…
Remember and cherish those memories, filled with love and happiness.
Gradually, the pain dulled, and Liz didn’t think of her cat every moment. Not even every day. She remembered occasionally. Usually, during her evening strolls around her neighborhood.
And Snowy…she felt the “earthly pull” less and less.
Just a bit more, and she’d make it to the rainbow. From there, she could continue watching over her beloved owner, rejoicing in her successes, mourning her failures.
Always there. Just needs to let go. Those are the rules, not made by us, not for us to break. Believe and…
…remember.
The heavens will take care of the rest. They know better how it should be.
Liz let Snowy go, and she departed without even saying goodbye. But this set in motion an enormous, unseen wheel called the “circle of life.”
One evening, Liz sat on a bench, admiring the first star in the sky when she heard a demanding meow beneath her feet. Glancing down, she saw a kitten.
White. With sky-blue bead-like eyes and ginger freckles on her face.
She stared in disbelief. Of course, she understood this wasn’t her Snowy.
But the similarity to her when she was just a kitten was uncanny.
Could it be possible for the same cats to be reborn?
“Or merely a coincidence?” pondered Liz, scooping the kitten into her arms, even more astonished to discover it was a girl.
Whether real or just coincidental, no one knows. Does it matter?
Had this white kitten lacked “freckles,” wouldn’t Liz pay attention? She would!
In life, eventually, everything repeats, and those who REMEMBER never walk by…
…what fate has in store.
And so Liz didn’t pass by.
She took the kitten home and bestowed upon her the same love she once gave Snowy.
And this little wonder she named Snowdrop.
Once again, Liz’s flat was filled with sounds. Sounds of joy and happiness.
Snowy didn’t mind what she was called: in one life Snowy, in this one Snowdrop. What difference? Her dream had come true!
Now her beloved owner would again give her warmth and love, like before, and she would again share a piece of herself. The world is beautiful, and life is grand. The key is to remember…
