We were together, Val. On that last work trip to Manchester. It happened… foolishly.
Wed had a few drinks after the conference, and I just… couldnt stop myself, Val…
And youre just saying this so calmly? Valeries voice was hoarse with shock. Matt, youve just admitted to cheating on me?!
I cant keep it in any longer, her husband hung his head. Val, Im so sorry, really. I swear Ill never do anything like that again! I know what Ive done
Valerie gently set her wine glass down. Her whole world had just collapsed…
***
That morning started as usual Valerie was at the hob, stirring porridge for their youngest, while trying to plait seven-year-old Sophies hair at the same time.
Mum, that hurts! squeaked Sophie, yanking her head away.
Sorry, sweetheart, Im just in a rush. Wheres your dad got to now?! Hes going to be late!
Matt emerged from the bathroom, shirt half-buttoned. One look at his face and Valerie could tell he was in an awful mood.
Is there any coffee? he muttered, not even looking at her.
In the cafetière. Help yourself, Ive not got a free hand.
He poured himself some. Drank it standing at the window, staring down at the grey street while the caretaker lazily swept fallen leaves into a pile.
No kiss on the cheek, not even a Sleep well? for the last couple of years theyd barely shown any interest in each other at all.
Valerie was an accountant at a large retail firm; theyd been married for ten years.
Their flat was a three-bed, though still under mortgage, and they had a shiny new SUV. The kids were healthy. On paper, life was golden, but…
She felt like she couldnt breathe, like her husband was missing the old Matt whod wander out at midnight to get her ice-cream, or hug her so tightly it made her ribs click.
Around 2pm, her phone buzzed on the desk.
Fancy dinner out tonight? Its been ages. Ive sorted the kids: my sisters having them overnight. Matt.
She reread the message three times. Her heart skipped, like she was sixteen again.
Blimey she whispered. Has he actually noticed?
The rest of the day went by in a blur. She even left work early, dashed home and flustered over what dress to wear.
She landed on the dark blue silk one that hugged her figure just right. A touch more mascara than usual, and a dab of perfume behind her ears.
She looked in the mirror and saw a woman who still wanted her husband to find her beautiful.
The restaurant was lovely candles, gentle live music, a real treat. Matt was already there when she arrived, looking smart in his suit, freshly shaven.
He actually stood up as she approached, and she thought she saw admiration in his eyes or was it pity? She couldnt tell.
You look amazing, Val he said, moving her chair out for her.
Thank you. I was surprised by your invite, you know. Whats the occasion?
Oh, no occasion… Just realised we dont really talk anymore. Feels like were just flatmates, honestly.
Thats true, she sighed, sipping her wine. Work, kids, the daily grind
Yeah, exactly, Matt twisted his knife in his hands. Feels like Im running in a hamster wheel, and Ive forgotten why.
They talked and talked. Laughed over memories of their early days, crammed in that dodgy bedsit with a leaky tap and barely a penny to their names, but so happy.
She giggled recalling Matt changing their daughters first nappy and almost fainting from the smell.
It was magical. Valerie felt like the ice was finally melting between them.
We just need to do this more often, she thought. Were just exhausted…
Fancy home? Matt asked when the bill arrived. Ill grab some wine on the way. Nice, quiet night for once.
The flat felt oddly huge and silent without kids toys everywhere and little voices racing about.
They settled in the kitchen. Matt poured the wine. The atmosphere was warm and intimate, but suddenly…
Val, we really need to change something, he started.
I agree, Matt. Lets get away, just us two. Spain, or even a spa break somewhere. We need to relax.
Yeah… Its not just a break we need though. Ive not been myself lately. We dont hear each other at all.
Youre always busy with the kids. Im working all hours. I get home, youre either asleep or annoyed.
Theres no closeness, you know? Not even just the physical sort, but the kind where you really get each other.
Valerie tensed.
Where are you going with this? she asked, almost a whisper.
Ive messed up.
And then he told her. About Manchester, the colleague, the betrayal.
She just listened, Val, Matt spoke quickly, almost stumbling over the words out of fear shed interrupt. We travelled a lot for work, together.
She always asked how I was. Not just to tick a box, she genuinely cared.
Im not trying to make excuses I was a right bastard, I know. I tried to fight it, I really did.
But that night… wed had a few drinks with the team, then it was just the two of us left at the hotel bar
Valerie said nothing. It felt like a grenade had gone off in her chest, jagged pieces slowly shredding her insides.
Im sorry, if you can ever forgive me, he went on. Im ashamed. These last two weeks, Ive been going out of my mind.
I cant bear to look you in the eyes and lie. I cant lose you. Or the kids youre everything to me. Ill do anything.
Anything, Valerie echoed, almost mocking.
Yes. Ive spoken with my boss. Asked to move to another department, so I wont be around her, at all. Steve says itll be sorted within a month.
And Ive put in for leave. Lets just go away, please. Tomorrow, Ill book something. Just you and me. Maybe we can start over.
He reached out, trying to cover her hand with his, but Valerie pulled her hand away.
Start over? she let out a bitter laugh. Matt, do you even realise what youve done?
This isnt just cheating. Youve destroyed me.
I was at work, smiling at your messages, picking out a dress… I thought you loved me, I thought you wanted to fix things
I do love you! he almost shouted. Thats why I had to tell you. I cant keep lying, Val.
If you loved me, you wouldnt have slept with her. Oh, so caring, this colleague of yours. And me Im just annoyed all the time…
Thats not what I meant…, Matt tried to explain.
He got up, approached, and wanted to hug her shoulders.
Please, Val…
Dont touch me! she snapped, shoving him away. You make me sick.
She ran out of the kitchen, slammed the bedroom door, locked it, and collapsed on the bed.
Hot tears poured down her face. Matt scratched at the door for ages, muttering, begging eventually he gave up, and she heard him settling for the night on the living room sofa.
***
In the morning, she headed into the kitchen, face swollen from crying. He sat on the sofa still in yesterdays clothes. Cold coffee sat untouched at his elbow.
I didnt leave last night only because theres nowhere to take the kids, Valerie said flatly.
Val
Dont. I dont want to hear about your feelings. I honestly dont care right now.
I understand.
You mentioned going away. Where did you have in mind?
Somewhere quiet, I thought. Just to walk and talk…
Right, she looked out the window. Well go. But dont kid yourself Im not going to start over. I need to see if I can even stand to look at you without wanting to be sick.
Matt nodded, ready to do whatever it took.
Ill sort everything. Today.
And another thing, Valerie turned to him. Your transfer paperwork. I want to see a copy with the signature. And your phone… its unlocked from this moment.
Absolutely. Whatever you want.
He handed her his phone, but she shook her head in disgust.
Later. Just go take a shower. I need to clear my head before getting the kids from Helens. I dont want them seeing us like this.
After the bathroom door clicked shut, Valerie slumped at the table. She wanted nothing more than to walk out on a man shed loved more than life itself just yesterday, but she simply couldnt. Not for the kids sake
***
The days before the trip dragged by; the couple only spoke about essentials.
Have you got the tickets?
Saturday morning.
Pick Sophie up from school, please.
Sure.
The kids sensed something was off Sophie went quiet whenever her parents were together, and their son grew more grumpy and clingy.
Mum, whys Dad sleeping on the sofa? Sophie asked one night, tucked up in bed.
Valerie swallowed hard, smoothing the blanket.
Dad… Dads just got a bad back from his office chair, darling, and its easier on the sofa.
Did you have a row?
Were just tired, love. Everything will be alright. Were going to the seaside soon, remember?
Sophie nodded, but Valerie could see she didnt quite believe her. Kids always know the truth.
***
The Friday before they left, Matt came home early with some papers.
Here, he said, handing them over. My transfer. After the holiday, I start in analytics. No more trips, ever. That woman shes staying put in procurement. We wont even be in the same building.
Valerie glanced at the stamp.
Good.
Val he hesitated in the kitchen doorway. I honestly… I think about what Ive done every hour of the day. What a complete idiot I am…
Enough, Matt! You made your choice in Manchester. Now Im making mine to decide if I even want to stay.
She didnt mention that last night, after hed crashed on the sofa, shed checked his phone.
It made her feel sick, her hands shook, but she had to know. He hadnt deleted their messages the last one was from Matt:
Its over. This was a huge mistake. Dont contact me again.
Her reply was: If thats what you want. Good luck!
Did she feel better? Not really. But deep down, at least she knew hed meant what he said he had tried to end it.
***
Saturday morning greeted them with a steady drizzle. They loaded up the boot in silence.
Matt was almost overly helpful: taking her hand, checking the windows were shut, buying her favourite flat white at the petrol station. It just made it all feel heavier.
At the airport, as they waited to board, he sat beside her while the kids pressed their faces to the huge windows to watch the planes.
You know, he said quietly, watching the runway. I was thinking about when we went camping that first time, in Cornwall. Remember that storm that almost blew the tent away?
Valerie smiled in spite of herself.
I do. You sat up all night clutching the tent poles, and I slept under that hideous cagoule of yours.
I used to think there was no one on earth cooler than you. Still do, Val. I just… got so lost.
We both did, Matt, for the first time in a week, she looked him straight in the eye.
He took her hand. She didnt pull away this time, but she didnt hold on, either. She was lost too.
Shed probably forgive him mostly for the kids sake, not to drag them through a messy divorce.
But before she did, hed have to earn it. He needed to learn in no uncertain terms not to even think about stepping out again.
This holiday, thats exactly what shed be working on…
