A Husband’s Turning Point
We were together, Val. On that last business trip to Manchester. It all happened… so stupidly.
Wed had a couple of drinks after the presentation, and I just… I couldnt stop myself, Val…
So youre just calmly telling me this? Valerias voice was hoarse with shock. Michael, did you just confess to cheating on me?
I cant keep this in any longer, he whispered, eyes downcast. Val, please forgive me, will you? I swear Ill never let anything like this happen again! Ive had time to think
Val set her wine glass down gently on the kitchen table. In that moment, her whole world fell apart.
***
The morning started out so ordinarily. Val was in the kitchen, busily stirring porridge for their younger one, while at the same time attempting to plait seven-year-old Sophies hair.
Mum, youre pulling! Sophie squeaked, jerking her head.
Sorry, sweetheart. Im in a rush. Where on earth is your dad? Hell be late again!
Her husband emerged from the bathroom, buttoning his shirt. One glance at his face and Val knew he was in a foul mood.
Is there any coffee? he grunted, barely glancing her way.
In the cafetière. Help yourself, Ive got my hands full.
He poured himself a cup, drinking it as he stared out the window at the grey courtyard, where the caretaker was lazily sweeping up leaves.
No kiss on the cheek, no Did you sleep well? These days, in the last few years especially, they hardly seemed interested in each other at all.
Val worked as an accountant for a big retail company. She’d been married for ten years now.
They had a three-bedroom flatmortgage of courseand a new SUV. The kids were healthy. Life shouldve felt good. But
She felt as if she couldnt breathe. She missed the man her husband used to bethe one whod dash out in the middle of the night for ice cream, or hug her so tight she’d laugh from the pressure on her ribs.
Around two in the afternoon, her phone buzzed on her desk.
Shall we go out to dinner tonight? Its been ages since we went anywherejust us, her husband texted. Sorted the kidsmy sister Helen will have them overnight.
Val reread the message three times, her heart fluttering like a teenagers.
Goodness, she breathed. Has he actually noticed?
The rest of the day passed in a daze. She even left work early, hurried home, and frantically tried on different dresses.
She settled on the dark blue silk one, the one that flattered her figure. A bit more mascara than usual, a splash of perfume behind each ear.
She studied her reflectiona woman still keen to win her husbands attention.
The restaurant was warm and invitingcandles, gentle live music. She arrived to find Michael already there, smartly dressed, freshly shaven.
He stood as she approached, and she caught a flash of admirationor was it pity?in his eyes. She couldnt tell at the time.
You look wonderful, Val, he said as he pulled out her chair.
Thank you. Honestly, I was surprised by the invitation. Whats the occasion?
No occasion, really. I just realised we hardly talk these days. We live like flatmates, you know?
Theres some truth in that, she sighed, sipping her wine. Work, children, endless routine
I know. Feels like Im running on a hamster wheel and cant remember why.
They talked for hours, reminiscing about their wedding, living in that first dingy one-bed with the leaky tap. Back then, happiness seemed effortless.
They laughed over how Michael nearly fainted the first time he changed their daughters nappy.
It was a lovely evening. Val could feel the ice between them slowly melting.
We just need nights like this more often, she thought. Well be alright. Were just worn out
Shall we head home? Michael asked gently when the bill arrived. Ill pick up a bottle of wine on the way. We can have a quiet drinkno kids to disturb us.
Home felt strangely quiet without the childrens chatter. The flat seemed huge and empty.
They settled in the kitchen. Michael poured the wine. The atmosphere was comfortable, even warm, but then
Val, we genuinely need to make some changes, he began.
I agree, Mike. Lets go somewhere, just the two of us? Maybe the seaside, or even just a hotel. We need to get away.
Yes, we do. But its more than that. I havent felt like myself for a long time. Its like we stopped listening to one another.
Youre always with the kids, Im buried in work. When I get home, youre either asleep or cross with me.
Theres no closeness anymorenot just physically, but you know, when you just get each other.
Val turned wary.
What are you saying? she asked quietly.
I slipped up.
Thats when he told her. About Manchester, another colleague, and what happened.
She just listened, Val, Michael talked quickly, almost desperately, as if afraid shed cut him off. We travelled together for work all the time.
She actually cared how I wasnot just out of politeness, but truly cared.
Im not making excusesI know Im a wretch. I tried to resist. Really, I did.
But that night… Wed had drinks with the team, then ended up alone in the hotel bar
Val said nothing. She felt as if a grenade had exploded in her chest, its shrapnel slowly slashing her heart.
Forgive me, if you can, he went on. I’ve been so ashamed. These last two weeks have been hell for me.
I couldnt keep facing you with this hanging over me. I dont want to lose you and the kids. Youre my whole world. Ill do anything.
Anything… Val echoed absent-mindedly.
Yes. Ive already spoken to my boss. Asked to be moved to another departmentnot even to cross paths with her. Steve said hell sort it next month.
Ive put in for holiday. Lets just go away together. Tomorrow, Ill book something, just us. We can try to start again.
Michael reached out, trying to take her hand, but Val recoiled.
Start again? She gave a sharp, bitter laugh. Mike, do you understand what youve done?
Its not that you just slept with someone elseyou destroyed me.
I was at work beaming about your text, picking out my dress I thought you wanted to save our marriage. I thought you loved me
I do love you! he nearly shouted. Thats why I told youI couldn’t go on lying.
If you loved me, you wouldnt have ended up in bed with her. Caring work colleague, was she? And Im just the cranky one at home
I didnt mean it like that Michael tried to argue.
He stood, reaching for her shoulders.
Val, please
Dont touch me! She shoved him away. I cant bear it.
She fled to the bedroom, locked the door, and collapsed onto the bed in sobs.
Michael paced the landing for ages, mumbling apologies, then finally went quietVal could hear him settling down on the lounge sofa.
***
In the morning she came into the kitchen, face puffy. Michael sat hunched on the sofa, still in yesterdays clothes. The coffee cup next to him sat untouched.
I didn’t leave last night only because I couldnt take the children with me, she said coolly.
Val
Dont. Spare me your feelings. I dont care what youre feeling right now.
I understand.
You mentioned going awaywhere were you thinking of?
Someplace quiet. Just to talk, walk, try to I dont know.
Alright, she turned to the window. Well go. But dont get your hopes up. Im not going to forgive or forget. Im going to see if I can even look at you without disgust.
Michael nodded, agreeing to all her terms.
Ill book everything. Today.
And another thingI want to see a copy of the transfer request for your new job, signed and approved. And your phonefrom now on, no password.
Of course. Whatever you want.
He offered her his phone straight away, but she shook her head with distaste.
Later. Right now, just go have a shower. I need to gather myself before picking up the kids from Helens. I dont want them to see us like this.
When the bathroom door closed, Val sank into a chair. She desperately wanted to leave, to walk out on a man shed loved more than life itself just the day beforebut she couldnt. Not yet, not with the children
***
The days before their trip dragged on, and they only spoke about essentials.
Did you get the tickets?
Yes, Saturday morning.
Pick Sophie up from school.
Ill get her.
The children knew something was wrong. Sophie would go quiet when both parents were around. Their son became unusually tearful and clingy.
Mum, why does Dad sleep in the lounge now? Sophie asked one evening as Val tucked her in.
Val swallowed hard, fixing the duvet.
Dad just works quite late, love. His back gets sore sitting in the office, so he sleeps on the sofaits comfier for him.
Did you two have a fight?
Were just tired, darling. Thats all. Well be alright. We’re going to the seaside soon, remember?
Sophie nodded doubtfully. Children sense more than we realise.
***
Friday evening, the night before the trip, Michael came home earlycarrying papers.
Here you go, he handed her a printout. Letter confirming my transfer. I start in the analytics department after our break.
No more trips away. None. And shes staying in procurement on the other side of the building.
Val glanced at the company seal.
Fine.
Val he wavered in the kitchen doorway. I think about what I did every hour. How shameful it was
Enough, Mike! You made your choice in Manchester. Its my turn to choose nowwhether to stay or not.
She didnt tell him shed checked his phone the previous night after he fell asleep on the sofa.
She felt sick, her hands trembled, but she had to know. He hadnt deleted his messages; the last ones were from him:
Its over. It was a huge mistake. Dont contact me again.
Her reply: If you say so. Good luck.
Did it make her feel any better? No. But deep down, something tiny, imperceptible shifted. At least he hadnt lied about breaking it off.
***
Saturday morning greeted them with English drizzle. They loaded their suitcases into the car in silence.
Michael was fussily caringoffering his hand, double-checking the windows, buying her favourite coffee at the petrol station. Somehow, that made it feel worse.
At the airport, in the waiting lounge, he sat beside her as the children watched planes take off through the big glass windows.
You know, he said quietly, looking at the rain-soaked runway, I was just thinking about our first holiday, when we camped by the sea. Remember the tent blowing away?
Val smiled despite herself.
I do. You braced it with the tent pegs all night while I slept bundled in a raincoat.
I thought there was no one in the world like you then. I still think that, Val. I just got lost somewhere along the way
We both got lost, Mike, she responded, meeting his eyes for the first time all week.
He took her hand. She let him, but didnt squeeze back. She was still hopelessly tangled inside.
If she was honest, forgiving him was likely, if only for the childrens sake.
But before she could forgive, she meant to make him earn itto ensure he thought twice before ever looking at another woman.
That would be his lessonand it would start on this holiday.
