Raindrops
– Shes not scary at all! Shes beautiful! Freddie, tell them!
Sophie clutched the tatty, scrawny little cat to her chest and wailed so loudly the neighbours, gathered round, all clapped their hands over their ears.
Sophie, full-throated and brassy like the rest of her big family, always knew how to make her pointif not elegantly, then certainly loud enough. Even at five, nobody on the estate could match her ability to shriek so fiercely that you worried the windows might rattle out of their frames.
Everyone was well used to Sophie and her pile of brothers and sisters by now. Nobody made much of a fuss about their antics, understanding all too well that Anna, their mother, could hardly expect to keep order with such a gang underfoot. Her shifts were so all-consuming that any other woman in her place would have long ago collapsed and hung weeping over the garden fence.
That fencebeautiful, wrought-iron, marking the line between the former manor house (long since converted into flats) and the streetwas a source of pride for everyone living there. Anna, alongside her neighbours, painted it a fresh green every spring, and perhaps that was why she felt she had every right to drape herself over it after a hard day, sighing:
Were all workhorses, arent we? Solid, dependable old shires. But what can you do? No one else is going to tackle your burdens; you just get on with it yourself. And meIm the immortal pony. Round and round I go, not quite sure where Im meant to end up. I know why, thoughthat much is clear enough. Someones always giving you a shove, you keep your nose buried in the tail of the horse ahead and dream of the evening coming. Clean and content, all in bed, nothing left in the sink because someone else has already done the washing up. And that odd little emptinessthat, strangely enough, is happiness…
Anna had a philosophical bent and a kind beauty about her. But who really looks at a woman with six children of all sizes scurrying around her ankles, barely any help or support to speak of? Anna had long since written off her own love life. Who had time for romance with a house full to bursting?
Mother to sixthats not a walk in the park!
Still, no one judged her for it. Everyone knew Annas family story.
Sophie, like three others among Annas brood, was adopted.
Not that Anna had heroically plucked them from some childrens home, deciding to save them and give them a bright future. Could she have? Perhapsanother time, not alone. Shed had her own plans and never dreamt of becoming a single mum, let alone to such a crowd.
But life, as everyone knows, is a tricksterthrowing us challenges that test our faith, willpower, and heart without asking our opinion.
Here you gothink! What sort of person are you?
So Anna had to think. But the decision, in truth, had been made from the start.
All the children Anna raised were her inheritance.
And an inheritanceyou take it or you dont. Anna decided saying no simply wasnt an option. Shed never been abandoned herself; why should she desert those that fate had shortchanged? Especially when they werent strangers, but very much her own.
Anna had her reasons for pondering like this. Whether they were good or not didnt matter. They were hers and that was enough.
Anna grew up in the 90s.
Her mother had been the belle of their small Midlands town, the stuff of envy for all the girls around. Barely eighteen, Annas mum had married in a dress so stunning it left everyone sighing, and her husband was in business fiercely enough that folks never dared ask about what, exactly, that business was.
Anna didnt truly remember her parents.
Shed visit their graves with Gran at the local cemetery. There was a beautiful stone there, with photographs shed gently stroke with a finger as a small child, whispering to them so Gran wouldnt heartelling about her latest drawing praised at school, about the red-and-white scarf Gran had knitted for her.
She found out what happened when she was sixteen.
Your dad was a bad sort, love. Didnt make old bones, and took my daughter with him. Cant say a word against him really, but Ill never forgive him for stealing your mum. Never. Oh, how I begged her to stay away! But noloves a funny thing… They said he saved her when they came for him, shielded her. Maybe he did love her… Whos to say now? He left you behind, at least. Some happiness after all…
Only then did Anna understand why strange men sometimes visited their home, lingering quietly in the hall or sitting in the kitchen, hands wrapped around mugs of tea, listening to Gran chatter about her school and music club, then pressing envelopes thick with cash into Grans hands before leaving, saying nothing more.
Gran never refused the money, but didnt spend it, saving it up instead. By the time Anna finished her A-levels, Gran bought her a big, spacious flat in town.
Here you go, darling. Your inheritancefrom Mum… and Dad.
Anna had no desire to move into it. She stayed with Gran.
But why, Anna? Its a lovely place, so central! Two minutes to college, no more buses and trains! Why be stubborn?
I just dont want to be without you! Either come with me, or we both stay here.
Gran clung on to her tiny flat and all its memories, agreeing only to move when Annas cousin Rebecca asked:
Anna, would you let us stay in your flat, please? Ive got the kids and youre not using it anyway; it just stands empty. Ill pay something for itmight help you and Gran out. And could you help us with the address registration? The nurseries wont take the kids without it!
Rebecca was determined and handy, and Gran always said she was the sort youd better be wary ofcould charm her way into anything.
Dont listen to her, Anna! Shes family, yes, but shes sly as a fox! Dont let her in!
But Gran, shes got little ones…
So? Shes their mother or what? She should be looking after them herself. My job is to think of you!
Anna did listen to Gran, but she couldnt turn her cousins away either. The little ones stuck to her, sensing her kindness, sulking every time their mum dragged them from Annas room:
Right, enough! Annas not your nanny for heavens sake!
Anna always tried to be fairthere seemed something wrong about having a big flat standing empty when others struggled with kids in tow. Besides, Rebecca made sure to remind Anna that family doesnt turn its back on family.
The phrase followed Anna everywhere. As a child, its all Gran ever said: if Annas dad had lived properly, her mum would still be here.
It hurt Anna and she was always trying to make Gran say, just once:
Thats good, Anna! Thats proper, like folks used to say. You make me proud. Youre growing up right.
Nothing meant more to Anna than that, and she felt she had to do the same now. But here, Gran surprised her.
No, Annathats not the way.
Why not? Rebecca and the kids, crammed in, and my place just sits there empty?
Im telling youits right! Because its not Rebecca herself, and youve forgotten the tale of the crafty fox and the ice house. I still remember it perfectly!
Gran
Dont argue! If you let Rebecca move in, she wont leave. She wont want toand you wont feel right kicking her out. You offered, after all, and shell play on that. Maybe not at once, but sooner or latershes got the kids, and she dreams of a decent life, not sometime, but now. Do you understand?
Probably But Gran, isnt it awful to think like that about people?
I dont know if its fair or not. Right now we can say it, before anythings happened. Later, trouble will come, and dark thoughts with itand who wants that?
No one!
So best not to give a reason to get there. Itll come soon enough anyhowlifes long, anything can happen. Let me handle this, all right? No need for quarrels. Let Rebecca grumble at me. You keep out of it, for the kids sake. Let them have an aunt who loves themheaven knows it matters, knowing someone values you.
But Gran, Rebecca loves her kids!
Of courseshes still their mum! But whats the harm in them having another persons love? Every drop of love, even a tiny one, is a treasureremember that, Anna.
As it turned out, Gran was right as always.
Rebecca only sighed at Grans reply.
I knew you wouldnt throw Anna to the wolves.
Were you planning to?
Of course not! Youre all Ive got!
Well, stick with us then. Well help, you know that.
I do
LookAnnas my only granddaughter, orphaned too soon. To let some sad fate overtake herhow could I ever face my daughter in Heaven? I just couldnt. So I wont. You can stay as long as you need in my flatnot Annas big place, but mine. Its small, but the areas lovely, school and nursery close by, everything the kids need.
Thank you, truly! For your honesty, and the home for my family.
Youre family. Never forget it.
Anna and Gran moved, and started making a new home for themselves.
But time, stubborn as ever, marched on, indifferent to their plans.
Anna dreamed Gran might finally settle, enjoy herself; it wasnt to be.
Gran had regular appointments at the GPs surgery round the corner.
Its like my day job! Gran would quip, rifling through prescription slips.
Her health steadily faded.
Anna worried and tried to go with her, but Gran would wave her off.
Im not an old crock. Two minutes walk and Im there. Go do your thing, girldont fuss over me!
Oh, how Anna wished shed insisted more.
It seemed such an ordinary storywinter hit, soon as you looked round it was everywhere, dusting the pavements with frost, nipping your nose. But under the snowsometimes black ice. The tiniest slip can cost so dearly…
Gran fell near the surgery. Hit her head, blacked out. People hurried past, too busy to notice some old woman curled awkwardly on the kerbs edge.
A taxi driver, having just dropped off his fare nearby, saw what happened, called an ambulance, and found a slip of paper with Annas address and phone tucked in Grans bag. He phoned Anna straightaway. But it was too late…
Gran passed away the next day. Anna spent the whole time in the hospital corridor, holding on tightly to Rebecca, whod left her kids with a neighbour and dashed over the minute she heard.
How am I supposed to go on, Becs?
Dont talk like thatdont be daft. Theres hope There always is. Rebecca tried to comfort Anna, but she knew it was hopeless.
The doctors bustled along, avoiding their gaze, and Rebecca soon realised there wasnt any hope at all.
Annashe wouldnt want to see you sobbing like this.
What else can I do?
She was strong. Brought you up the samewasnt that right?
It was.
Then wipe your eyes. Youve got to be strong, for her…
I will
After that single day, Anna knew life had shifted yet again. Now the answers were all up to her.
And so much happened.
Along came David, with whom Anna spent nearly five years before they quietly parted. She was left with two children, but at least nothing weighed too heavily on her conscience. David had always been straight as an arrowwhen he met someone new, he told Anna directly that he had to leave, but hed always support their children.
Were still friends, right, Anna? he said while packing up his things, eyes lowered.
Yeah David, do you hear yourself? Anna, feeling much as she did the day the taxi driver rang, couldnt even muster any anger.
And what for? For honesty? For falling in love elsewhere? Thats life. It happens The only problem was for the kids. They loved him.
Anna didnt know what more to say or do. She quietly helped David pack and then saw him out.
Afterwards, she just checked on the kids and rang Rebecca. Can you come over?
Rebecca, still living in Grans old place and working as the senior nurse at the hospital, was already half-asleep after helping her youngest daughter with a school project. She was about to tell Anna off, but hearing the catch in her cousins voice, replied, Ill be there in a minute!
And soon enough she was there, holding Anna tight as she cried, with muttered curses for David and his forebears.
Oh, dont cry! Good riddance! Not worth your tears, Anna. Hed have left anyway, if not now, then later.
Why?! What did I do wrong?
For heavens sake, Annaits how men are. Right, not all of thembut enough. And at least he said hell stay in the childrens lives, thats something. You might not appreciate it now, but its no small thing. My ex barely bothers about ourspaying his pitiful support payments is all he does. The kids only have me.
Becs, what should I do?
Dont argue with him. Thats my only advice. The rest? Time sorts it all out.
Youll say time heals, right?
I wont. Its rubbish. Time brings new worries, thats allpushes pain aside, but doesnt mend it. Other troubles will come and crowd out this one.
Where did you get so wise?
Your Gran, thats who. Her wisdom, not mine! While we remember her, shes alive. I hear her every time I open my mouth to give you advice. Right now, too
Thanks, Gran Anna grabbed a dry towel, flinging aside a sodden tea towel. But why does it still hurt so much?
Thats how you know its real. If you felt nothing, then Id worry.
Rebecca was right. Life went on, and Anna, bit by bit, found peace. There was simply no time for suffering.
David kept in touch with the kids, took them for weekends, did his best so they never felt left out.
So, when he told Anna he was expecting another baby, it didnt sting so much.
Good for you.
Thanks, Anna.
For what?
For not making a scene. Youre incredible.
Yeah, well, I know that! Anna found her smile again.
Then along came another bit of news.
Becsreally?
You know how it goes, Anna! Youve been married and have two kids yourselfdo you need me to explain biology? Despite the joke, Rebeccas eyes were dark with worry.
Very funny. So whos the dad?
Doesnt matter. When he found out I was pregnant, he vanished. No scaring him straight now! Not even with twins on the way! What am I supposed to do, Anna? Im asking you not as a nurse, but as a person. Ill have them, but where will I go? No savings, no house and Max and Lizzy to provide for. How can I cope with two more?
Suddenly upset, Rebecca slipped away to the bathroom, while Anna glanced at the kids, who had thundered in and were emptying the sweetie jar.
Oi, you lot! Max barked, Share them out fair! Dont be greedy! Auntie Anna, why are you so sad? Here, have a sweetalways helps!
Looking into Maxs quick and familiar eyes, Anna made a decision that most would call mad.
Youre out of your mind! Rebecca spluttered, staring at the deeds trembling in her hand. I cant accept this
You can and you will, Anna said, glancing at the solicitor, smiling. Its the right thing, Becs. Gran would do the same. Youve brilliant childrenlet them have a real home. For now, at least.
Grans flat passed to Rebecca, and the whole odd little family waited for the twins birth.
Sophie and Molly arrived right on time. Tiny as dolls, but with voices that made it plain theyd be heard.
Lively girls, thats good! What will you call them, Mum?
One will be Sophie, after my mum. The other, Mollyfor my cousin.
Must be a special cousin, naming a child for her.
Shes wonderful. If not for her, these two wouldnt even be here.
Rebecca was met at the hospital by Anna and the kids.
Thereone more to the gang! whispered Anna, peeping beneath a lacy pram cover, Arent you gorgeous!
Happiness now, thats what matters, Rebecca murmured, hugging her children close, concealing the nagging worries inside.
Had she shared them with Anna, or seen a doctor sooner, things mightve gone differently.
But do mothers ever take time for themselves with babies in arms?
Rebecca grew ill a week after coming home. She called for Max, on his way to school, nodded at the twins Moses basket.
Look after them. Ive called an ambulance. Ring Anna, but dont crydont scare Lizzy. Not yet
Rebecca couldnt be saved.
Her heart, which had never seemed trouble, simply gave out.
Anna faced the hardest decision of her life. But there wasnt really a decision to make at all. Sending Max, Lizzy, and the twins to care or a new family was unthinkable. For Anna, you take responsibility for your words and actions, as Gran taughtwhat else is there to say? The children had to stay together. End of.
David helped, found a sharp solicitor, sorted out paperwork, babysat the kids while Anna burst through office doors proving herself capable.
Your wifes all right with this? Anna asked.
She is. Shes a mum too. Besides, she knows something important.
Whats that?
Youd never take me backwould you?
No.
So why should she worry? David grinned. But Annaare you sure?
About what?
Six kids. Thats well, a lot.
Im not sure of anything, David. Im terrified. Actually, Im in a panic! But what am I supposed to do? Theyre all mine, I cant choose between them, cant give them away.
What are you afraid of then?
What do you think? What if I cant cope? Im alone
Youre notif you let me help. I owe you, you remember? David wiped a tear from Annas cheek. Dont cry! Well manage. And Anna?
What?
Ive never met a better womanor person. People like youthere arent any others, you know? Dont be afraid. Youll cope, I know it. Anyone elsenot so sure. But youcan.
From your lips to Gods ears, David!
Oh, Hes listeningGrans up there, sorting it all! Shell explain if He doesnt get it!
Anna laughed for the first time since Rebeccas death.
Then, of course, things were hard.
Anna coped, but some nights, after tucking everyone in, shed let herself sob, pounding the pillow like she did as a child, biting a corner so the children wouldnt hear.
Gran, what do I do? Where now? You always knew the answershelp me find the way!
Oddly, memories would nudge Anna with hints, never the full answer, but just enough of a nudge to quiet her tears, help her sleep, and the next day shed have a sense of what to do. Whether right or wrong, the children grew up surrounded by love. All of them knew that whatever happened, Anna was thereshed understand, judge kindly, forgive, no matter what. Never, ever would she hurt them.
And so, now, Sophie, clutching the found cat, shook her head fiercely in reply to the neighbours:
Anna will throw you out with that filthy thing, Sophie! Look at itridden with mange, by the look of her. Leave her, drop her!
No! Sophie glanced helplessly at her big brother, then at the front door.
That day, Anna was meant to take the kids to the zoo. Shed got up early, made breakfast and got the whole crowd ready in record time, only running a few minutes late because shed sent the little ones off to the swings with Freddie.
Take them, Fred! Ill only be a sec. Where did I stash that old box of trainers?
Check Lizzys cupboardshe was having a tidy! Well be outside! Freddie herded the girls out the door. Mum, remember to do your other eyeyou look odd! No rush, Ill keep them.
Anna flustered about, found her trainers, did her second eye, even put on lipsticka weekend indulgence, she thought, usually reserved for work days. Looking in the mirror, Anna realised shed let herself go. Yes, there were masses of children, mountains of tasksso why not try to look cheerful, to enjoy the day, for herself and for them?
Shed figured something out recently. You could stalk around after the kids, muttering and fixating on all the little messes, or…
You could buy yourself candyfloss, treat the kids to extra ice cream, and say
Im going to see the elephant! Whos with me?
You could remember how Gran once took you to the zoo, and you sat on the bench by the elephant house, drinking homemade squash, eating sandwiches, holding tight to a warm, loving hand, never wanting the day to end.
Now she made the squash and sandwiches herself, for a family of her own. Her children would one day do the same, and that was good.
She swung her rucksack over her shoulder, studied herself in the mirror one last time, and dashed outside.
The neighbour coming up the stairs smiled knowingly.
Go on, Annatheres a little surprise for you out front!
Sophie ran up with her little treasure.
Mum! Lookshes beautiful, isnt she?
And what could Anna say to that?
Nothing at all.
She scooped up the cat, studied her, sighed.
Zoos off today. Weve got our own tiger. Freddie, wheres the nearest vets? She marched off, the whole pack trailing behind.
And so it would be a good dayeven if the zoo had to wait. Theyd find something to do.
And the skinny, shabby cat, paraded home by Sophie in front of the whole estate, would, in a couple of months, turn into a beautiful, pampered, purring delight, bringing a little more cheer and a whole ocean of happiness into Annas home.
But nobody would be surprisednot Anna, not the children. Because to them, it was all perfectly obvious: where theres love, there can never be too much of it.
