Taught My Mother-in-Law a Lesson on Mothers Day.
Listen, Claire, this just isnt right! If your mum acts like this at the very start of our marriage, can you imagine what itll be like once we have kids? Shell practically live in our flatshe wont give us a moments peace! William was grumbling again to his wife, Claire, after she informed him that her mum was planning to barge into their flat whenever she pleased, no matter what they thought.
Fine, since Sarah doesnt seem to understand words, tomorrow Ill call a locksmithlets get the locks changed! William muttered angrily.
Will, but Mums not a stranger to me. One way or another, shell eventually get her hands on our new keys anyway. Are you really going to keep swapping the locks every time? And if she notices, shell be terribly upset. We need to handle this kindlyget her to realise for herself that its not on! Claire tried to reason with him.
Look, Claire, if your mum doesnt understand plain English or even my wild gestures when Im half asleep, then, honestly, only drastic measures are left! William replied, half-joking, half-serious.
What do you mean? Claire raised her eyebrows in surprise.
If Sarah has a key to our place, Im guessing you have a key to your parents flat as well, right? William asked her, a mischievous glint in his eyes.
That Saturday morning, David and Sarah decided to get up early and head to the local market. It was the citys special Mothers Day fairfarm produce from nearby villages at better prices than Tesco. The pensioners thought nothing of getting up at 7am to bag eggs for 30p less than in the shops.
Well, Dave, weve bagged some lovely beefand just look at these carp, still flapping about in the bag! Ill fry one up now and save the other for Claire later on. I cant wait to see Williams face when our very-much-alive Carpy starts thrashing about as a present! Sarah was picturing her son-in-laws face gleefully.
Oh, leave the kids alone, love! Theyre nearly 30 and want to get on with things without you digging your nose into every cupboard like Miss Marple investigating where Will tossed his socks. Dont you have better things to do? David tried reasoning with his wife.
One secdid you leave the shower running, Dave? You hear that? Waters pouring! Sarah murmured, wandering into the bathroomthen she shot straight back out like a rocket.
Oh, heavens! Theres someone naked in our bathroom! she shrieked, darting about the flat in a panic.
Whos naked, for goodness sake?! Can you please explain? David hovered by the bathroom, not brave enough to look.
Our Wills in there! What on earth is he doing in my flat?! Sarah howled.
What am I doing? Well, the water at ours is rusty, and I came home after a long shift sticky and sweatyI needed a decent shower and thought yours would do nicely! William chimed in, sauntering out of the bathroom in Sarahs floral robe as if he owned the place.
By the way, Sarah, heres a bit of advice, what with it nearly being Mothers Day. You really shouldnt be drying your knickers on the radiator and towel rack. Now, if they were lacy ones from a petite young miss, maybe, but honestly David, I do feel for you! William carried on cheerily, making himself at home in the kitchen and turning on Sarahs beloved coffee machine for a cuppa.
How dare you? This is my houseIll dry my underwear wherever I please! Sarah fumed furiously.
Sarah, we only gave you that coffee machine six months ago and it’s already a right state. You should be cleaning it every week. The pigs on the farm would keep things tidier, honestly! William tutted, not holding back with his mother-in-law.
Thats enough now, Will David tried to intervene on his wifes behalf.
Enough? Come on, David! Just look at the mess in this kitchen and, to be fair, the entire flat. Its as bad as an old abandoned garage! Sarah, you ought to have done a stint in the armymight have taught you some proper order and discipline. William wandered nonchalantly around, listing off all of Sarahs homemaking sins.
And the fridgedont think I didnt check in there. The sour cream and mayonnaise were out of date two weeks ago! And youre keeping cheese without a wrappernow its gone crusty! William didnt hesitate to toss expired items blatantly into the rubbish.
Oh, and leaving half-eaten porridge in a bowlclassic! Do you know how hard that is to clean once it dries? Or do you reckon the dishwasher gives you licence to do whatever you want? He was about to peer into the dishwasher before Sarah blocked him with her considerable frame.
Thats quite enough! Out of my house this instant or Ill ring the police and report you for breaking in! Dont think being my son-in-law will save you, WillIll have you arrested! This is my home, my kitchen, my bathroom, and yes, my blooming knickers! Youve got no right at all to just waltz in and lecture me! she shouted.
David sat back and watched, stifling a grin, already sensing what William was up to and having guessed his plan. Sarah, caught up in her indignation, had no clue yet.
Well then, Sarah, thats exactly what I was counting on! William took a relieved breath and gave her a wry smile. Now, all those things youre yelling at metry reflecting them back at yourself. Because for the last few months, thats exactly how youve been treating me and Clairebarging into our flat and inspecting everything without warning!
And dont even get me started on calling the policebecause next time you turn up unannounced, I wont hesitate either, never mind our family ties! But I hope you get the message, so it wont come to that. William swapped out the borrowed robe for his jeans and jacket, laced up his trainers, and made to leave.
Oh, and David, Sarahhappy Mothers Day for yesterday and today! I left a bottle of your favourite whisky on the kitchen table for you, Davidand, Sarah, a lovely bottle of wine and some perfume. Claire swears thats your favourite brand. Williams tone softened, and with a warm but cheeky smile, he closed the door behind him as he left Claires parents flat.
Sarah, still rattled, popped open the whisky and poured herself a hearty shot, washing it down with the fresh coffee Will had made using her now-sparkling coffee machine.
Sarah, youve got to hand it to our Willhes a right diplomat! Such a clever way to drive the point home, and what an ending: a bitter pill, maybe, but it did the trickand not a bad aftertaste either! mused David, eyeing up the fine whisky, delicious wine, and expensive perfume.
Well then, dear, happy Mothers Day! Looks like Will was the first to congratulate youa real production, too! Gift, show, drink, perfumeand all thats left is for you to dress up and head to the theatre. Your hubby sorted that, too! He winked, producing two tickets to a new comedy at the local theatre.
After that, Sarah never again showed up at Claire and Williams place without a good reason or heads-upand she harboured no hard feelings towards her daughter or son-in-law, even admiring Williams inventive approach.
Clear boundaries were set, nobody was upset, and William could finally enjoy a peaceful post-shift nap without fearing Sarah might be rifling through his sock drawer.
