When my husband filed for divorce, I packed up the children and moved back in with my parents. I couldnt manage on my own; I needed to work, and the children needed constant care. Back then, my eldest was just three years old, my youngest barely two.
With what little courage I had, I scraped together enough for a mortgage and started life afresh. In the beginning, I barely exchanged more than a polite good morning with the neighbours; I didnt know a soul.
Then, my path crossed with a man who lived nearby. He had a son too. Sometimes, Id see him outside with a womanI assumed she was his wife, and that was that. Still, I found myself drawn to him, at least in the way he carried himself. But I had no intention of getting involved with a married man.
One afternoon, he helped fix my leaking tap, and I offered him a coffee as thanks. During our chat, I learned the woman was only a nanny, not his wife at all. Hed been struggling to find decent childcareluck never seemed on his side. It turned out his wife had passed away the previous year, and he had no other family. Suddenly, the idea that there might be something between us didnt seem so impossible anymore.
We started talking, calling one another, sometimes taking our children for walks together. One day, as my parents visited, he knocked at my door, flustered.
How are you? Would you please look after my son today? The nurserys shut because of quarantine, Ive got to rush to work, and the nannys ill.
Of course, its no trouble, I told him.
He handed me a whole bag of clothes, food, and strict instructions on looking after his son. He promised to ring later, but I hadnt realised hed call every half hour demanding updates: What had I fed his boy? What did he wear? How many times had we been outside?
When he returned to collect his son, he was aghast the boy was wearing a red shirt instead of the blue one hed specified. Instead of a thank you, I was met with a flood of complaints. And as he turned to go, he said,
Ill bring him round again tomorrow, alright?
Even when I was run off my feet, I didnt refuse. But one day, I was taken into hospital. He rang me, furious that I hadnt answered the door. I explained from a hospital bed, and he hung up.
Some time after, he offered to mind my children, but I turned him downI had to work. From then on, the phone calls and visits stopped. When we passed in the hallway, it was only a nod in passing. Id thought he could be my person, but in truth, hed only ever used me.
Still, I hope that someday, Ill meet someone who will become my whole world.
