Its been over six years since I last saw my son. I remember the conversation like it was yesterday, with my neighbour Margaret asking gently, How long has it been since your son last spoke to you? The question felt like someone had driven a knife through my chest.
It had been six long years since hed left. When he first moved out with his wife, hed ring every now and then, but as the months passed, he just stopped keeping in touch. One year, I even bought him a Victoria sponge for his birthday, determined to deliver it in person… I still recall how my hands trembled as I retold this, fighting back tears.
Margaret pushed on, And then what happened?
My daughter-in-law opened the door and told me I wasnt welcome in their home. My son said nothing, just looked at me as if Id done something terribly wrong, and quickly looked away. That was the last time I set eyes on him.
Did he ever call again? she asked, her voice full of disbelief.
I told her Id rung him once, when I decided to sell my three-bedroom flat in Sheffield and downsize to a little one-bedroom place in Leeds. Naturally, I wanted to give him a bit of the money. He came over, signed all the paperwork, took the cheque, and since that daynothing. Not a single word.
Are you terribly lonely, or have you come to terms with being on your own? Margaret wanted to know.
Im alright, honestly, I replied. When I was a young woman, my husband left me for someone else, so I was forced to raise my son alone. He grew up surrounded by love and care. He was a good lad, always polite, and when he told me he wanted to move into his own flat, I was pleased at first. I thoughthes finally grown up, ready to stand on his own two feet.
But the truth is, it was all because of his girlfriend, Emily. She didnt want anyone interfering in their fun. Soon after, she was expecting.
Margaret looked at me, surprised, You talk about this so calmly. Surely you must feel some bitterness, being left alone in your old age?
Ive come to accept it, really. I quite enjoy my new place. I have enough money for everything I need. Every morning, I get up, put the kettle on, and sit on the balcony with a cup of tea, watching the city wake up below me. When I was younger, all I wanted was a decent nights sleep, because I had to work double shifts most days. I used to dream of growing old surrounded by family and laughter, but perhaps solitude was always meant for me.
Why not get yourself a pet? Lifes brighter with two, you know.
But I shook my head and answered, You see, love, even cats sometimes walk away from their owners, and I couldnt possibly take on a dogI cant guarantee Ill be here to walk it tomorrow. I cant bring someone into my life if I cant look after them. Ive made enough mistakes already, havent I?
At that, I struggled to keep my composure any longer and let the tears fall.
If theres one thing Ive learned, its that you can give someone the whole world and it still wont guarantee theyll stay in your life. All we can do is try to find a measure of peace in our own company, and take each day as it comes.












