During the Christmas holidays, my husband brought up the topic of building a house at the dinner table. He didn’t want to live with his parents any longer. His parents agreed to give us the money, but with one condition: my mum had to contribute the same amount. It was at that moment my secret came to light. I had meant to tell my husband long ago, but the right moment never came, and now he wants to leave me.
Just before the holidays, my husband and I had a serious misunderstanding. It got so intense that he demanded a divorce. We sat down with the whole family around the Christmas table, and he initiated a conversation about building a house. He was tired of living with his parents. That was when my secret was revealed, one I should have shared with him earlier, but had never found the right moment to do so.
I grew up living with my mum and grandmother; I never knew my dad. My grandmother and mum lived in a two-bedroom flat, which they later exchanged for two separate ones with a small additional payment.
I had left for university then. One of the flats was signed over to me, as my mum wanted me to have something of my own. I’m very grateful to her for that. I rented out my flat and used the money to cover my university expenses.
After marrying, we lived with my husband’s parents. I continued to rent out my flat and saved the money in a bank account. I didn’t tell my husband because I wanted to surprise him when the time was right.
When my husband told his parents about wanting to build a house, they agreed to chip in, on the condition that my mum would contribute the same amount.
I should have agreed to their condition and given my mum the money I had saved so it would appear as if she had gathered it for us, but instead, I told them everything—about the money and the flat. In hindsight, I realised this was not the best time to divulge that secret. Chaos ensued! My mother-in-law immediately remarked that I should have moved into my own place right after the wedding, not with them.
Meanwhile, my husband was hurt that I had kept the existence of the flat a secret. He said he would never be able to trust me again. We argued, and I packed my things and moved back in with my mum. Later, I suggested to my husband that we could either live in my flat or sell it and use the money to build a house, but he refused. He said he would never do that and, more than that, he didn’t want to see me anymore.
I don’t understand if what I did was such a grave mistake to warrant this reaction. After all, the flat and the money would have been part of our shared assets. I refuse to beg or humiliate myself, not in front of my husband or his parents. My mum is worried that this is all her fault, that the truth should have been told from the beginning, at least to my husband if not to his family. But what’s the point of talking about it now?
My mum was so troubled that yesterday she went to see my mother-in-law, but she wouldn’t even let her in. She called us liars and said she didn’t want anything to do with us.
