Our Naive Children Chose to Play at Being Independent and Ended Up Buried in Debt and Losing Their Apartment: How Our Well-Intended Help Was Rejected and Their Pursuit of Self-Sufficiency Led to Financial Ruin, Lost Jobs, Loans for Everything from a Flat to a Car and Even a Birth Abroad, and Moving Back In With the In-Laws

Author Walton MerrittReading 3 minViews 1

Our silly children thought theyd do a grand job at independence, only to wind up up to their necks in debt and out on their ears without a flat.

When our son and daughter got married, we, along with the other set of parents, decided wed chip in for a place for them to live. My husband and I had a modest stash of savings, as did my in-laws. We pooled it all together whichmiraculouslywas just enough for a cosy little flat. We suggested buying it straight away for the newlyweds, but they insisted they were ever so independent and would buy one themselves.

A while later, we find outoh, indeedtheyd purchased one, but not the small flat we envisioned. No, they went with a three-bedroom place. Where, might you ask, did these two magicians get that sort of money? Why, they took out a loan from the bank, naturally. And who was to pay the mortgage? Dont worry, we can handle it, they assured us.

Next thing, they decided they needed a car. Fair enough, the flat was a trek from work and public transport just isnt the height of convenience. Instead of a used car, they bought a sparkling new model straight out of the dealership, again on credit. We suggested a more budget-friendly option, but, of course, they knew betterindependence and self-reliance were their mottos.

Then, they decided it was time to have a baby. And not just anywhere, mind youthey wanted the child born abroad for the dual citizenship, how chic! Naturally, another loan, so our daughter could give birth in a posh overseas hospital with her doctor practically living in the room.

Baby arrives, hurrah! Next, they wanted to renovate the nursery, so once more, out came the loan forms. I gently asked, Whos paying for all this? We got the familiar answer: We are, were independent.

And then it all went pear-shaped. My son-in-law lost his job, our daughter was on maternity leave, and suddenly the money dried up. How to pay for all these jolly loans? They asked us to sell our cottage in the countryside. We balked, but in the end, we sold, just to keep them from going bankrupt. It still wasnt enough.

After that, the flat had to go, and then the car. Eventually, they moved in with their other parents. These days, they moan that they havent got anything of their own. Well, of course, they dontthey wouldnt listen to us. The debts are still hanging about and probably will be for years. Just tears and regrets, really.

When Beatrice Discovered She Was Expecting, Her Family Was Shocked—They Disapproved of Her Relationship with a Man They Believed Wouldn’t Stay, Fearing She’d Raise a Child Alone and Face Social Prejudice Beatrice is an ordinary young woman from Birmingham, brought up in a loving family by her mother and stepfather, who was like a real dad to her. With her parents’ unwavering support, she always knew she was loved and could rely on them. Beatrice graduated from high school, but her place at university was uncertain due to her poor command of English. She decided that private tuition would help her pick up the language faster, so she started looking for a tutor. She chose Ronnie, originally from Ghana, who had come to the UK for his own studies. Fluent in English, Ronnie had been tutoring privately for years. At first, the lessons were tough for Beatrice, but over time she warmed to Ronnie, and soon their relationship became something much more. They couldn’t stand being apart. When Beatrice found out she was pregnant, her whole family was in shock. The idea of her being in a relationship with someone they thought wouldn’t stick around filled them with concern. They imagined her raising the baby alone and having to cope with their child standing out from others because of her appearance. After Ronnie received his degree, he did return to Ghana, but he stayed in close contact with Beatrice. They both eagerly awaited the birth of their baby, calling and chatting on Zoom regularly. Beatrice’s baby arrived safely, but ongoing animosity from her family pushed her to make the tough decision to move to Ghana. Life in Africa wasn’t easy for Beatrice and her husband: the climate proved too challenging and they had to return to the UK. In time, they welcomed their second daughter. However, the family continued to refuse contact, and Beatrice refused to leave her beloved husband just to please them. Now, the couple are planning a move to Canada, hopeful that there, they’ll find a more tolerant community.

My Son Spent Years Searching for the Right Woman to Marry, and I Never Questioned His Choices—When He Turned 30, He Finally Met Emma, Who Seemed Perfect for Him Almost every day, I’d hear about how kind and beautiful she was—it was clear my son had truly fallen in love. I liked Emma as well, and he would speak passionately about her to me and his friends, convinced she was the ideal woman for him, so it was no surprise when he didn’t hesitate to tie the knot. As a loving mother, I fully supported his decision. Planning the wedding was no easy feat, but my friends were a tremendous help. The bride’s parents were wonderful and we got on splendidly from the start. At first, everything was blissful, but things shifted over time. Their marriage started to unravel, arguments became more frequent, and I reminded myself it was just their first year—surely things would settle down. Still, I worried because I wanted their marriage to be strong and happy. One evening truly shook me—late at night, my son showed up at my door with his belongings, telling me he had nowhere to go because his wife had thrown him out. He stayed with me for a few days, and Emma never once came round to try to reconcile. This became a recurring pattern. When my daughter-in-law told me she was pregnant, I decided to sit down with them to offer some advice that might help avoid further misunderstandings. Unfortunately, it made things worse—tensions only increased, and my son spent the night at my house even more often. I could see he was struggling; gone was the happy young man I knew, replaced by someone clearly disappointed with life. I couldn’t bear to see my son so miserable in a toxic relationship, so I suggested he think carefully about whether it was worth staying married. I told him he could be a wonderful father even if he lived separately. He soon filed for divorce. Not long afterwards, Emma came to me, asking for my help to persuade my son to call off the divorce, insisting she didn’t want to break up their family. I’d often advised her to look after her marriage, but now she was blaming me for interfering when my son filed for divorce. Now I wonder if I should have encouraged my son to end his marriage. His wife resents me, and my son himself seems to be drifting further away from me. Perhaps they still love each other? Living apart feels wrong, but living together wasn’t working either.

My Son’s Girlfriend Can’t Do the Basics… What Should I Do? My mother-in-law passed away several years ago, and after her funeral, I promised myself that I’d live by the rule: for the departed, it’s either all good or nothing at all. I also swore to myself—no matter who married my son—I would never turn into her. But intentions are one thing, and life is another. My only son, Alex, just turned 25 and brought home a girlfriend at the start of summer. Sticking to my decision not to interfere in his choices, I welcomed her warmly and tried to keep an open mind. I swore I wouldn’t look down on her, nitpick, or lecture—my late mother-in-law did all that, which led us to barely stand each other. I don’t want to drive Alex or his girlfriend away. Honestly, I even enjoy making them coffee, knowing exactly how they like their breakfast, and spoiling them on weekends—even though weekdays are too busy for any extras. So I make myself scarce—off with my husband to the countryside, visiting friends for chutney and pickling sessions, or popping round to my mum, leaving the young couple the house to themselves. Recently, though, something funny but also a little worrying happened, and I felt compelled to share. One evening, Alex’s girlfriend showed off a pretty, cheap new top she bought on her way home from work—a bargain because one of the buttons was missing. She tried it on, it looked lovely—and the next day, when I asked if she’d wear it to our visit, she didn’t. Why? Because… she couldn’t sew the button back on. “Oh, come on!” slipped out before I could stop myself—I was stunned that a 22-year-old woman didn’t own a needle, thread, or spare buttons. And tomorrow, darling, what then? How will you manage the house and family, or handle important decisions? Family challenges indeed! Now I don’t know what to do—should I just sew the button back on without another thought, show her how it’s done, or leave it—her blouse, her business? One thing’s clear—I don’t want to be a ‘bad’ mother-in-law. I’ve seen what that’s like, and I want no part of it.