ONCE A HEART, ALWAYS A HEART
At his wifes funeral, Edward didnt shed a single tear.
See, told you, he never really loved Jean, Mary whispered to her neighbour across the pews.
Hush now. Does it even matter anymore? Those kids are left orphans, with a father like that.
Hell end up marrying Kathy, you just wait, Mary assured her friend Linda.
Kathy? Why on earth would he marry her? It was Gloria he really loved. Or have you forgotten how they used to carry on, sneaking off together? Kathy wont get involved with him, shes got her own family. Besides, shes well over him by now.
Oh, do you really know that?
Of course. Kathys husband is doing well for himself, shes practical, she doesnt need Edward dragging his lot with her. But Glorias still suffering with her Mike Ill bet you anything she and Edward will start something up again, Linda said with a nod.
They laid Jean to rest, her children gripping each others hands tight.
Michael and Polly were just eight years old. Jean had married Edward for love, or so she thought but even she never quite knew if Edward ever felt the same. Neither did anyone else in the village. It was whispered Jean had ended up pregnant, and thats why Edward had been forced into marriage. Their little Clara was born far too early, only lived a few days, and after that, Jean and Edward had years without another child.
Edward had always been a man of few words, always brooding, keeping his thoughts to himself. People in the village had taken to calling him Badger, with that surly look and his reluctance for any kindness or affection. No-one knew this better than Jean.
Yet, after all those years of prayer and quiet hope, Jean was finally blessed with twins. Michael took after his mum warm, gentle-hearted. Polly was the spit of her dad stoic, reserved, not one for words either. It was as if she was locked away inside herself, and nobody ever quite knew what she was thinking. Funnily enough, it was her father shed be closest to, their likeness showing through.
Youd often find Edward in the shed, sawing or sanding or fixing something, with Polly flitting about nearby, listening and learning from his snippets of advice.
Meanwhile, Michael was always by his mothers side, helping sweep the floor, fetching in water with a little bucket, eager to help even in his small ways. Jean adored both her children but could never quite understand Polly. Michael, however, she adored beyond words. When she fell ill, Jean called Michael to her bedside.
Love, I wont be around much longer. Youll be in charge now. Dont you ever be unkind to your sister, you hear? Youre the man now, youve got to look after her. Shes your sister, and shell need you.
And Dad? Michael asked softly.
What was that? Jean blinked.
Will Dad look after us?
I dont know, love. Well just have to see.
Then dont go, Mum. Whatll we do without you? Michaels voice trembled.
Oh, my darling boy, if only it were up to me, she whispered.
By morning, Jean was gone.
Edward sat there beside her, holding her hand not saying a word, not a single tear. Shoulders hunched, face sullen, he simply seemed to shrink into himself. That was that.
Life slowly fell into a new rhythm. Young Polly tried to take charge in the house, cooking and tidying as best she could, though she was still just a child. Edwards sister, Natalie, would come round to help and show Polly the ropes, giving her tips about keeping a home.
Auntie Natalie, Polly said one afternoon, will Dad marry again?
Who knows, darling. He never tells me whats in that head of his.
Natalie had her own family; her husband David and their children, a good, happy lot.
Would you take us in if something happened? Polly asked.
Oh, dont say that, sweetheart. Your dad loves you both. Hed never let anything happen to you, Natalie assured her.
But in the village, tongues wagged all the same. Rumours were flying that Edward and Gloria had rekindled their old flame.
Glorias lost her senses, Mary gossiped by the shop Running after Edward again and barely thinking of her own family.
Silly woman that Gloria, the old dears at the corner shop muttered.
Thats enough, ladies, thats enough! barked the village chairman, Mr. Mark Leeds. Some of you could do with minding your own households before gossiping about others. You dont know half as much as you think.
The truth was, long ago, Gloria and Edward had been in love head over heels, the sort you could write a novel about. Then Edward was sent off to help another farm in a neighboring county, was gone for months. While he was away, Gloria took up with Mike Sherwood.
When Edward returned and heard the news, he thumped Mike, as you do. Things were never the same with Gloria after that. She married Mike in the end, a layabout who chased women and liked his drink, while Gloria wept that shed lost a good man like Edward hard-working, never touched drink just a quiet one, really.
So it was, the villagers started to notice Edward showing interest in Jean instead. Jean, in turn, seemed to blossom under his gaze.
Funny what love does to people, folks would say.
Jean had carried a torch for Edward for as long as anyone remembered, but shed always kept quiet, overshadowed by a whirlwind like Gloria.
In the end, Edward and Jean started courting, and before long, were married at the village hall. It was a small do only Natalie on Edwards side, Jeans elderly mum for her. Her mum, long the talk of the town, had Jean very late in life, and everyone had their suspicions about her liaisons with the previous chairman, Mr. Victor Parsons. Still, Jean had never been like her mother; she was all quiet dignity.
The village had always felt for Jean, especially once she took up with Edward.
Oh, poor girl. He doesnt love her and shell suffer her whole life, old Mrs. Perkins would mutter.
But for all their talk, Edward was loyal, no question. And really, could anything be kept secret in a village? They had fifteen years together, no rows, barely a raised voice. The village finally accepted things until Jean fell ill last winter. It was that cruel sort of illness that never gets better.
One afternoon, Edward was walking home from work.
Eddie, fancy a cuppa? Ive brought some cakes round for your two, Gloria caught him up, beaming, a tray of fairy cakes in hand.
No thanks, Gloria, Natalie did us a batch just yesterday.
Still, I made them for you and the little uns.
Aye, and she made hers for us too.
Eddie, how about we meet by the old windmill later, like we used to?
Whats the point? Edward frowned.
Come off it, you cant have forgotten everything we ever had, Gloria laughed.
All thats long gone. I love my kids. I love Jean.
Cant change it now, can you? Gloria said, hurt in her voice.
Love never really dies, though, does it?
You didnt love her. You only married her out of spite.
Gloria, you should go home, Edward murmured.
He picked up his pace and didnt look back as he headed for home, to where his children were waiting. Gloria stood alone on the village green, the tray of cakes at her side.
Years ticked by. The children grew up. Auntie Natalie still came to visit, but she, more than anyone, knew her brother had only ever had one true love.
Polly, I heard youve been spending time with Greg Warren, Aunt Natalie said one day, stepping straight in through the back door.
Yeah. So what? replied Polly, grown now, beautiful in a way that struck even Natalie.
Nothing, just asking. Be careful is all.
What for?
You know what for, youre not a little girl anymore Natalie warned.
Aunt Natalie, I really do love him, with everything Ive got. I just know itll last forever.
Thats just how it feels, love. Maybe it will, but maybe it wont.
Im sure of it.
Maybe you are, but what about Greg?
If he ever betrayed me, I know Id never love anybody else again.
That I can believe, Natalie smiled sadly.
That night, Michael and Polly waited up for their father.
Dads late tonight, Michael said, glancing at the clock.
Its Friday, Polly replied.
So?
He always goes to Mums grave on Wednesdays, Fridays, and Sundays.
How do you know that? Michaels eyebrows shot up.
Silly Michael, you just dont understand Dad at all. Dont you feel him in your heart?
They slipped quietly by the gardens, down the back path to the churchyard. Polly led the way.
Look, there, she said, nodding towards their father, stooped and still beside the gravestone.
Michael listened and could hear him talking.
So, Jean, thats how its all going. Pollys just about to get married. Ive saved up a little for her trousseau Natalie helped, you know. Its all plodding along, as it does. Im sorry, Jean, that I didnt say enough kind words to you when you were here. But my heart spoke plenty, even if my lips wouldnt move. Im rubbish at talking, you know that its all in here, love, Edward said, pressing his hand to his chest, voice rough.
He turned slowly and shuffled to the church gates.
Polly peeked at Michael. There were tears frozen in her brothers eyes.
