On the Margins of Me-Time
Not long ago, a friend of mine came over for tea. As we sat in the kitchen, chatting about life, I excused myself at one point and said, “Ill just pop over to wash the dishesshant be a moment.”
He looked at me as if Id announced I was building a rocket. With a mix of admiration and bewilderment, he remarked, “Its decent of you to help your wife like that. I never bothermine never thanks me anyway. Last week, I mopped the floor, and not a word of gratitude. Not even a cheers.”
I sat back down and explained that I wasnt “helping” my wife. Truth be told, my wife doesnt need helpshe needs a partner. Im her partner in keeping our home, not some gallant assistant swooping in to “lend a hand.”
I dont help my wife clean because I live here too, and the mess is partly mine.
I dont help her cook because I also need to eat, so I ought to stir the pot as well.
I dont help her wash up because those plates and cups? I dirtied them too.
I dont help her with the children because theyre my children as well, and being their father is my duty.
I dont help with the laundry because those clothes belong to me and my little ones just as much as to her.
I dont “help” at home. I live here. This is my house too.
As for gratitude, I asked my friend when was the last time hed thanked his wife for scrubbing the floors, doing the washing, changing the beds, bathing the children, cooking the meals, tidying upand all the rest. Not just a muttered “ta,” but full-blooded appreciation: “Blimey, youre brilliant at this!”
Does that sound odd? Are you staring at your shoes now, uneasy? When you mopped that one time, you expected a medalbut why? Have you ever stopped to wonder, old chap?
Perhaps because our bloke-ish culture taught you its all her lot in life.
Maybe you imagine it all happens by magic, without her lifting a finger.
Well then, praise her as youd want to be praisedwith the same fervour. Extend your hand. Be a proper partner, not just a lodger who shows up for meals, sleep, baths, and the occasional roll in the hay. Make yourself at home. Its your house too.
Real change in our society begins at home. Lets teach our sons and daughters what it means to be a true companion.
