31st December
I spent the whole day preparing for New Years Evecleaning, cooking, setting the table just right. This was to be my very first New Year not spent at home with Mum and Dad, but with the man I loved.
Its been three months now that Ive lived with Colin, in his rather cramped little flat. Hes fifteen years older than me, divorced, pays child support, and has a fondness for the pub But when youre in love, all of that seems to melt away into insignificance. No one ever quite understood what drew me to Colinhes certainly not what anyone would call handsome, and in all honesty, hes a bit odd-looking. His temper is foul, hes stingy beyond belief, and always short on money. If he does have a bit of cash, its strictly for himselfnever for anyone else. And yet, stubbornly, I found something in him I cared for.
Id hopednaively, perhapsthat if I showed Colin what a good, easygoing, caring partner I could be, hed see my worth and, in time, want to marry me. He told me as much at the beginning: Well live together for a bit. I need to see what youre likedont want another one like my ex. What his ex-wife was like, I never actually knew. He certainly never explained. So, I did my bestI didnt complain when he stumbled home tipsy, I cooked, washed, cleaned, and even bought groceries with my own money (I didnt want Colin thinking I was after what little he had). Even the entire festive meal, I paid for myself. Id scrimped together enough to buy him a new mobile as a present.
While I dressed the house and set out food, my darling Colin was getting ready in his own special waymeaning, of course, joining his mates for a session at the local. He stumbled in, merry as you please, just an hour before midnight and announced that some friends of hisstrangers to mewould be coming round. My carefully laid plans unravelled then and there, but I bit my lip. I wasnt about to show myself upnot like his ex, whoever she was.
Half an hour before midnight, in barged a raucous gang of men and women, all quite drunk already. Colin perked up immediately, ushered them to the table, and the partyif it could be called thatroared on. I was no more than a ghost to them; Colin didnt even bother to introduce me. No one paid the slightest attention to meas if I were invisible. Their private jokes and conversations circled round the table, and I could feel myself shrinking away.
Eventually, I tried to remind everyone calmly that it was nearly midnighttime to pour the champagne. A woman Id never met stared at me blearily and slurred, So whos she meant to be then?
Flatmate with benefits, Colin snorted, and his friends howled with laughter. They helped themselves to the food Id made and mocked me openly. As Big Ben chimed twelve, they jeered at my silly optimism and clapped Colin on the back for his ingenious planfinding himself a free chef and maid. He didnt stand up for me, not even a bit. He just laughed along as if it was all grand fun, stuffing his face with the meal Id paid for and made.
Quietly, I slipped out, collected my things, and went back to my parents. Id never had a more dreadful New Years Eve in my life. Mum told me, with a familiar shake of her head, I warned you, didnt I? Dad heaved a sigh of relief. That night, as I cried my sorrows out, it was as if the rose-tinted glasses finally slid off my nose.
A week went by. Once Colin had run out of both company and funds, he appeared at my parents door, acting as if nothing had happened.
So, whatare you in a sulk or something? he asked. When I didnt melt, he tried another tack: Youve done well for yourself, havent you? Sitting here with Mum and Dad while my fridge is so bare even the mice are packing bags! Youre just like my ex getting up and leaving when things dont go your way!
I was so stunned by his nerve that I couldnt speak. Id rehearsed endless versions of what Id say to him, but in that moment, all I managed was to tell himrather pointedlyto get lost before shutting the door.
Thats how, from New Years on, my life truly began anew.
