12th May
I married Alice out of spite, more to prove something to Emma, the woman I once loved, than for any real desire to settle down. I thought if I showed her that I wasnt pining after she left, maybe Id regain some dignityor fool myself into believing Id moved on.
Emma and I had been courting for nearly two years. I was head over heels for her and would have moved mountains just to see her smile. I thought it was leading towards a wedding. Truth be told, it irked me every time she dodged the subject, saying,
Why rush into marriage? Ive not even finished university yet, and youre barely scraping by with that small business of yours. Weve got no car, no house, and I really dont fancy waking up to see your sister in the kitchen every morning. If only you hadnt sold your parents house.
Her words stung, though to be fair she made sense. My sister Olivia and I were living in the old flat our parents left us. Taking over the family business before finishing my degree wasnt something Id planned. The company was just about staying afloat, and I was spread thin trying to keep up with my studies too.
Selling the house was a mutual decision with Olivia. The debts had stacked up in those months before we inherited anything, both of us still students. We needed the money to save the businesspay off old bills, replenish our stock, and have a bit of a safety cushion.
Emma thought life was for living in the here and now. But when you suddenly find yourself the head of a family, with your sister looking up to you, your priorities change. Id tell myself Id sort the business, get a decent car, buy a new house, maybe even plant a garden one day.
Things seemed fine until that afternoon. I was waiting at the bus stop near the Odeon, excited to catch the new film with Emmashed insisted I not pick her up, which was odd as she hated public transport. Still, I was watching out for her when she pulled up in a flash car.
Sorry, but we cant see each other anymore. Im getting married, she blurted, thrusting a book in my hands and slipping back in the car before I could even blink.
I just stood there, trying to process it all. What on earth had happened in those three days Id been away on business?
When Olivia saw me come home, she clocked it straightaway.
So, youve heard then?
I nodded, numb.
Shes found her sugar daddyweddings on the 25th. Asked me to be a bridesmaid, but I told her to get lost. How could she, sneaking around behind your back? Olivia burst into tears, angry for my sake.
I patted her head as if she were still little.
There now. Let her get on. Things will be even better for us.
That night I barely left my room. Olivia kept knocking,
You at least need to eat. Ive made pancakes.
By evening, wild resolve blazed in me.
Pack your things, I told Olivia.
What are you up to?
Ill marry the first girl who will have me.
She tried to reason with me:
You cant do that, James. Youd be ruining more than just your own life.
But nothing would stop me.
You can either come along, or Ill go on my own.
We walked through the local park, plenty of people about. My first proposal earned me a finger to the temple. The second girl darted away as if I were mad. But the third, after taking a long look at me, simply nodded.
Whats your name? I asked her.
Alice, she replied.
We marked our engagement with tea and scones at a café. Silences hung between us, Olivia not sure what to say and my mind racing with thoughts of revenge. Id already decided: our wedding would also be on the twenty-fifth.
There must be a reason you proposed to a total stranger, Alice finally broke the silence. If youve changed your mind, I wont take offence.
No. We made a deal. Tomorrow, we give notice and meet your parents, I said. Then I added, Lets not stand on ceremonycall me James.
We continued to see each other every day up until our wedding, getting to know one another as best we could.
Once Alice asked,
Will you ever tell me the real reason?
Everyone has skeletons in the closet, I deflected.
So long as they dont stop us living.
I asked why she agreed.
Fancied myself a bit of a princess, given away at random. Those stories always end with happily ever after, dont they? Thought Id give it a try.
Truthfully, previous heartbreak and a bit of lost savings had made her wary, but shed become good at reading people. The usual hangers-on didnt last long in her company. She never set out looking for the one, but she knew she wanted a clever man, steady, able to act under pressure. She saw something solid in me that night. If Id been drunk with mates, she probably wouldnt have given me the time of day.
Which fairy-tale princess are you then? I joked.
Kiss me and find out! she shot back.
Still, there were no kisses, no more than what was proper.
I sorted all the wedding arrangementsflowers, the registry office, even Alices gown. I was adamant she would be the most beautiful bride in the county.
At the registry office, we ran into Emma and her fiancé. Masking my feelings, I grinned,
Congratulations, and pecked her cheek. Hope youre happy with your purse on legs.
Dont make a scene, Emma replied, visibly rattled, eyeing Alice up and down. Alice stood tall, striking and refinedEmma didnt compare, and the jealousy in her eyes betrayed it all.
I went back to Alice,
All fine, I lied.
Its not too late to back out, she whispered.
No, lets see this through.
Only at the ceremony, looking into Alices sad but sincere eyes, did I realise what Id done.
Ill make you happy, I promised, and at that moment, I believed it.
So married life began. Olivia and Alice got on splendidlyOlivia learned to keep her temper in check, and Alice managed the household with the quiet confidence of someone who knew what she was about.
As an excellent accountant, Alice set our finances straight. Within six months wed opened a second shop, then put together a team for home renovationsbuilding supplies were our business, but now we did the work ourselves too. Profits soared.
She proved to be clever, letting me think her innovative ideas were mine. Life had become stablealmost too much so. I often missed the dizzying feelings Id had with Emma; now everything felt predictable, even bland. Routine, Id think, its swallowing me up. I convinced myself I didnt love Alicebut my life had never been better. Wed even built our dream house.
Yet, the better things went, the more often Emma crossed my mind. If only she could see me now: the car, the house… palace, more like! My pride swelled, but so did a dangerous longingwhat if…?
Alice saw through me. She wanted to be loved, but you cant command the heart, least of all anothers. She told herself, Not every fairytale comes true, but hope lingeredher namesake demanded it.
Olivia watched me too.
Youll lose more than you gain, she warned, catching me browsing Emmas social pages.
Keep your nose out of it! I snapped.
She scowled,
Idiot. Alice truly loves you, and youre still playing games.
Her words gnawed at me, but I still wrote to Emma. She confessed her marriage had failed: her husband threw her out, shed never finished uni, no decent job, and was renting a flat in the city centre.
For days I debated: go or stay? When Alice left to care for her grandmother in the country, temptation peaked. I caved and arranged to meet Emma.
Driving through to Manchester, I felt like a man reborn, fantasising about second chances. Reality was less kind. Emma flung herself at me in the bar, reeking of stale perfume and cheap beer, her skirt too short and makeup garish. It hit me then: she was everything Alice wasnt, and always had beenhow had I never seen it before?
Give us some money and Ill make it worth your while, she purred, licking her lips. I recoiled.
Sorry, Ive got business to attend to, I muttered, standing to leave.
But Im not done drinking yet, she whined.
Let her enjoy herself, on me, I told the waiter, slipping a fifty-pound note in the billfold.
I raced home, my mind reeling. She was rightstupid, stupid man, I chided myself. Was it all a wasted journeyor did I need to see it through?
It dawned on me Id never called Alice my darling. Yet she was closer to me than anyone else. I pulled over, sitting for five minutes, going over every moment since our wedding in my head.
All I could picture was Alice: her deep blue eyes, her smile, the way she ruffled my hair with gentle, elegant hands.
I promised Id make her happy, I remembered, resolving then and there to put things right. I turned off onto the country lane near her grandmothers.
I burst inside, just as Alice ran out to meet me, tears and laughter mixing on her face.
Only a fool would risk losing you, I whispered in her ear as I swept her into my arms, and, for the first time in years, happiness swept through us both.
Lesson learned: In seeking payback and chasing ghosts, I nearly overlooked the quiet, enduring love that actually makes life worth living.
