3lst December
Megan, are you busy? Mum called, peeking her head through my bedroom door.
One second, Mum, just sending this last email and Ill come help, I replied without looking away from my laptop.
Ive just realised I havent got enough mayonnaise for the potato salad, and I completely forgot to buy dill. Would you mind popping down to the shop? It’s nearly closing time.
Of course.
Sorry for bothering you, especially when youve already done your hair. My head’s spinning with all this Christmas business, she sighed.
Thats fine. I closed my laptop, turned to Mum and repeated, What was it you needed?
I slipped on my boots and coat but didnt bother with a hatdidnt want to ruin my hair. The corner shop was only across the road; I wouldnt be out long enough to get cold. The night had that gentle chill, with fine snow fallingthe sort that made the street look like a Christmas card.
There werent many people inside, just those whod forgotten a few bits in the rush. There was only one wilting bunch of herbs leftmostly parsley and spring onions, hardly any dill. I thought for a second about phoning Mum to ask if it would do, but realised my phone was on the kitchen table. I hesitated, then just picked up the herbs and a tub of mayonnaise, paid the cashier and stepped back outside.
Barely had I left the shop before a car swung around the corner, headlights glaring straight into my eyes. I flinched sideways. My boot heel slipped on a patch of icy pavement hidden just under the powdery snow, and I crashed to the ground, my shopping bag skittering away.
I tried to stand but pain shot through my ankle, tears instantly springing to my eyes. No one was about, and my phone was at home. What now? I hadnt heard the car door until it clicked softly behind me.
Are you alright? A mans voice. I looked up to see a young man crouching beside me. Can you get up? Here, let me help.
I think Ive busted my legthanks to your careless driving, I snapped, my voice unsteady, ignoring his outstretched hand.
You shouldnt be tottering about on heels in this weather.
Oh, do go away, I retorted, sniffling despite myself.
And you plan to sit here until morning? Look, Im not a serial killer. Where do you live?
Just there. I nodded at our block opposite.
He disappeared, but moments later I heard the car engine. Hed reversed and pulled up beside me.
Ill help you up. Try not to put weight on your ankle. Ready, one, two, three Before I could protest, he scooped me up and, surprisingly gently, set me upright, letting me balance on my good foot.
All right? he asked, steadying me with one arm and opening the car door with the other. Hold onto me as you get inside.
My bag, I said as I collapsed onto the passenger seat.
He retrieved my bag and put it on the backseat. At our building, he got out and helped me from the car. Then, in one swift motion, he swept me up into his arms and shut the door with his foot.
At the entrance, he paused. Do you have your key? Is anyone in?
Just Mum.
Then buzz her to let us in.
We had no lift, so he carried me up three flights of stairs while I gripped his neck, feeling how hard he was breathing. Under the dim stairwell lights, I glimpsed sweat running down his temple. Serves him right, I thought vengefully, Maybe next time hell stop driving like a lunatic.
Let me down, I can manage from here, I said as we reached our flat.
He didnt answer, just breathing heavier. Suddenly the front door swung open and Mum appeared.
Megan? Whats happened? she cried, startled.
He forged past her, placing me gently on the hallway floor, then took a deep breath. Bring a chair, he instructed Mum, who was shrinking back against the coat rack.
Mum fetched a kitchen chair. I sat heavily, leg stuck out in front. The man knelt down.
What on earth is going on? Mum demanded.
He seemed not to hear her. He supported my ankle, then unzipped my boot sharply. I screamed.
Ow! Careful!
What are you doing to her?! Mum almost shouted. She watched, aghast, as my ankle ballooned out, turning an ominous shade even through my tights.
Ill call an ambulance, Mum said weakly.
Its only a dislocation. Im a doctor. Please, bring some ice, he said crisply.
Mum disappeared and soon reappeared with a bag of frozen peas.
Put that there, he said, and then straightened up, hand on the door.
Youre leaving? I asked, suddenly anxious.
I just need to go to the car for a compression bandage. Ill bring your bag up as well. With that, he was gone.
Mum, who is he? Did you leave your bag with him? Mum whispered, eyes wide, as she pressed the peas to my ankle.
He drove round the corner too fast, I tripped on the ice, fell overwe barely spoke. He carried me home, thats all I know.
Do you think hes a conman? What if he takes your purse, your keys? Should I call the police? she hissed.
He couldve left me in the street if he was going to nick my stuff. He helped, Mum.
I suppose so she said doubtfully.
Just then, the intercom buzzed.
Thatll be him. Mum, can you let him in?
He came in, handed my bag over, and told us to check it. Then he took off his coat, knelt back down, and said, This will hurt. Hang onto the chair.
He supported my foot and gently wriggled it, clearly knowing what he was doing. My teeth sank into my lip.
Somethings burning in your kitchen, he said, glancing up at Mum.
She hurried through. In a flash, he set the joint. The pain was immense, making my vision swim.
All done. Now it will ease off, he murmured.
Mum ran back, staring at my tears.
Its only a dislocation. Rest it a few days. He eased my foot down, got up and pulled his coat back on.
Thank you so much. And Im sorry for snapping at you, Mum blurted. Do stay for dinnertheres hardly any time before midnight and youll never get home now, and anyway, I could use another pair of hands, she rushed on.
He paused, looking thoughtful. If youre sure I wouldnt be in the way?
Not at all! You can help open the champagne, Mum beamed.
Mum! I gave her a warning look.
Oh, let your hair down, love. Right, you, young man, help Megan into the lounge while I sort the roast.
Leaning against him, I hobbled to the sofa. I tested my weight; sore, but manageable. Truth be told, it felt good to have his arm supporting me.
Thank you, I said as I sat down, stretching out my leg.
No, its the least I can do. My fault, really, he said.
It isnt. I panicked and moved the wrong way. What’s your name, by the way?
Alex. Shall we drop the formalities?
Go on, then. And are you really a doctor?
Yes, a surgeon actually. Id just stopped by the shop…
I suppose your wifes waiting for you? Must be worrying.
She left six months agocouldnt cope with me working all hours. Took our daughter and moved in with her mum.
Awkward, I muttered, I must look a state right now.
Not at all, he said softly.
So, the three of us saw in the New Year togetherand as they say, the way you spend New Years Eve is the way youll spend the year.
After Alex left, I couldnt sleep for ages, lying awake thinking of the feel of his hand around my waist. Even his touch still sent a tingle through me. Its not something you forget.
In the morning, hobbling was a bit easier; my ankle was twice the size but I could shuffle along. Later, Alex turned up to check it, redid the bandage and smiled, Youll be fine. Can you walk on it?
Were on first-name terms nowyou know that, right? And yes, I can.
Tea? Mum offered.
Next timeIm off to a shift.
Youll come again? I blurted, unable to help myself.
He just smiled.
Two months later, I moved in with him.
Hes not even divorced. What if the wife comes back? Mum fretted as I packed.
She wont. Alex says shes found someone else.
I hope youre right, dear. I just hope youre not being hasty.
It was a happy year. Sometimes I did get jealous when he visited his daughter, and Id seen his wifes photobeautiful, annoyingly so.
Living with Alex, I started to understand his ex. He was always at the hospital, even on weekends and holidays. And so many young nurses worked there with himwho could blame anyone for falling for him? When he was home, though, I was over the moon.
A year passed. Despite everything, it was a good one. The only thing that bothered me was that Alex hadnt divorced his wife. Mum kept urging me to talk to him, to sort things out, but I kept putting it off.
On the 31st, I was busy in the kitchen. The fairy lights on the tree blinked in the lounge; a new dress lay waiting on the bed. As I checked the roast, my phone rang. When I entered the room, Alex was speaking quietly by the window.
Ill come now, he said and turned to me.
The ward again? I asked, trying not to let my disappointment show.
No. My ex called. Rosies in floods, wont go to bed unless I come. Ill just pop over, give her her present, and be back.
Alex, its barely three hours to midnight. My voice wobbled.
I wont be long, promise. Ill put her to bed, hand over her present, and come straight home. He kissed my cheek and left.
I told myself not to be jealous, to keep calm, but I failed. I finished prepping everything, changed into my dress and waited as midnight crept nearer. No word from Alex. I didnt ringhe might be driving. Instead, I sent a message. No response.
After a while, staring at the uneaten festive food, I couldnt wait anymore. I remembered Mrs Evans downstairsshe lived alone, never married. Alex once said she had no family at all. Well, right now, neither did I.
I packed some salad and a wedge of Christmas cake, and made my way down.
It took her a long time to open the door, and I had to stammer out my reason, before the lock clicked and her wary eyes peered out at me.
A little bit of salad and cake, if you dont mind me sharing with you. I baked it myself, I managed.
Come in, then, she said.
She was tiny now, bones in a cardigan, but her flat was tidy and warm. There was no tree, no tinseljust the televisions soft bluish hum.
I set the food on the table.
Thank you. Sit down, Ill put the kettle on, she said.
Are you living with Alex Robinson? she asked when we sipped our tea.
Yes.
She nodded, apparently approving.
Didnt think much of his wife. Never said hello, never worked, selfish through and through. Youre not like that. Has he been called to the hospital again?
No, just off to see his daughter.
She nodded again.
Hell be back. Dont worry. Hes a good man.
Are you on your own? I asked quietly.
All my life. I shouldve had children, but thats not the sort of thing you dwell on now. I was in love once, you know. My best friend nicked him.
What happened?
Id moved away for nurse training, left my Freddie in our little village. One New Year’s Eve, I made my way back to see him, but the bus broke downtyre or something. No mobile phones in those days. We sat for ages, but the driver went for help. So I started walking. It was snowing, and then a wind picked up, a real blizzard. I kept thinking the bus would catch me up, but it never did. I ended up spending New Years out on the road, half-frozen.
Finally got to the village, half the face numb. Spent four days in bed, and when I was awake again, my friend told me Freddie was with her now. She said she was pregnant. He tried to talk to me, but I wouldnt listen. I was too proud. Later, found out shed liedthere was no baby. Freddie started drinking, lost himself, and froze to death one winter outside his house. Good man, he was. She exhaled heavily.
So, no marriage for me. Shouldve forgiven him. Wouldve changed everything. She wiped her eyes.
I saw you through the window. Alex never seemed happy with his wife, but he is with you. If you love someone, forgive, dont obsess. Perhaps move awayhis ex won’t let it rest otherwise. Dont make my mistakes. Listen to your heart, love.
Back upstairs, I packed up the food and put away the Christmas lights. Alex finally came back, much later.
Im sorry, he sighed, forehead creased. No idea what happened. She must have put something in my teaI only woke up an hour ago with a splitting headache.
Why wont you just divorce her, Alex? Do you still have feelings for her?
Of course not. If you knew her, youd never ask. But I love Rosie, my daughter. Thats all. Believe me, nothing else happened. You trust me, dont you?
I walked over, put my head on his chest and looked up at him.
Lets just go. Anywhere. There are always jobs for surgeons. I want to be with you.
I cant talk about this tonight. My head is pounding. But I love you, Megan.
He soon fell asleep. As I watched him, I thought of Mrs Evanss words.
Rosies still little; shell forget. Its the wife manipulating things, hoping Ill give up. I wont. Ill fight for him. When he wakes, well talk.
I turned off the fairy lights and curled up next to Alex as closely as I could.
Love. That word doesnt cover it. I love you, Alex. I love you.
Annie Hall once said, If you love, you can forgive anything except when they stop loving you back.By morning, pale winter sunlight filtered through the curtains, catching on Alexs lashes as he stirred. I held my breath, watching his eyes blink open, waiting for the distance I sometimes felt to close. Instead, he reached for my hand, lacing his fingers with mine, and whispered, Lets do it. Lets make a fresh start, just you and me.
A week later, we stood in front of departure boards at the airportour suitcases bulging with more hope than belongings, my ankle finally strong again. Neither of us looked back. We left a forwarding address with Mum (who still slipped me tupperwares of empty-nester advice) and promised Mrs Evans postcards, the first of which I wrote on the plane, telling her, I took your adviceIm choosing love, not fear.
In a new town, we learned how to be a family of two-and-a-half, with visits from Rosie and Sunday calls that ran long into the evening. The past never quite left us, but it softened with timelike old scars that ache only when the weather changes.
Every New Years Eve, wherever we areeven in a rented flat with a leaky tap and wobbly treewe light our own string of fairy lights, clink our glasses, and promise each other another year of forgiveness, of finding reasons to stay, of letting love begin again.
And every so often, as snow falls outside and the streets shimmer, I remember that step into the cold, and how a slip, a stranger, and a patch of ice changed everything.
