Oh, I just couldnt do it. People turn into vegetables. Youd go mad with bedbound relatives! They really ought to be put in some proper place. And dont look at me like that! Why are we all so sentimental? Look, they put animals to sleep and no one makes a fuss, do they? But here we are, all terribly humane. Somewhere, I read, theres a country where they just carry old folks up a hill and leave them there. And another thing Antonia would have rattled on, but Lily cut her off:
Toni, have you no shame, saying things like that? Thats our mum, for goodness sake! Whos carting her up a hill? Have you completely lost your mind?
Well, for starters, shes not our mum; shes your mum, my husbands mother, which, you have to admit, is a significant detail. And even if she were my own, if she ended up like that, Id see her off too. Look, its one thing when youre caring for tiny babies; theyre adorable! But when a grown-up becomes so helpless, forgive me, and smells, and theres no hope, you just cant! Besides, I meant to askwhats happening with mums flat now? Since youve taken her in, and its just sitting there empty I think we should sell before prices drop. Honestly, Vance needs to pay uni fees, Petes itching to get married. Frankly, we need it more. You had your daughter late, shes only little, shell be years growing up! The decent thing would be to let your brother and Antonia didnt get to finish.
Lily! Lily dear, where are you, darling? came a wavering voice from the bedroom.
Go on, Toni. Mums woken up, Lily started nudging her cousin towards the hallway.
Lilys head throbbed. Mum had barely slept in three days, and neither had she. Still, she wondered for a momentwhat if Mum heard that awful conversation? How wretched.
She entered the little room. She ought to fling open the window. The air was thick, heavy, hard to breathe. But Mum was always cold, shivering. Lily would wrap her in a shawl, tuck her in. Mum turned at the sound of her footsteps, propping herself up on the bed and fiddling with her hair. Lily glanced at her mums handsbig, work-worn things, but her wrists so fragile, blue veins tracing fancy patterns. She fidgeted with her fingers; her eyes gazed helplessly into the middle distance. Blind, mostly. They said there might be a small chance of sight in one eye, but Lily didnt dare hope. She slipped over, changed the sheets, fluffed the pillows, fed her, tucked her up like a child. Mum curled up, fast asleep. And Lily dashed out to see the GP. She needed advice, reassurance. Her head was cotton wooloh to be free of all this.
She grumbled to the doctor for ages. No improvement, a mountain of stress. The GP, a handsome chap with a little beard, was filling in forms at lightning speed, a queue forming outside the door. He looked up at Lily with tired eyes.
Jobs a tough one. Not much rest, is there, Lily trailed off.
Work in plenty, doctors in short supply. If only, my dear, I could bottle one thing and give it out to everyone, we wouldnt have these queues. Fewer ill folk, too, he said, smiling faintly.
Whats this magic cure then? Can I get it? Lily asked, hopefully.
Youth, he replied. Why the long face? The way it isyes, youre tired, worn out. I understand. But tell medid your mother ever complain? When you were ill as a child? Did she get up at night for you? He removed his glasses.
Lily sighed. Her memory spun out a reel of snapshots. There she was, aged eight, down with a fever. Mum would swoop her up, even though she clearly struggled, and fetch her lemon tea, track down cranberries out of somewhere, fuss over her all night simply because she fancied a bit of fruit cordial. Nearly midnight, and off trotted Mum, only to reappear with berries. By dawn the fever broke, Lily slept, and Mumoff to work, always juggling two or three jobs so her girl could have the best.
Lily remembered the winter when they stood outside the shop window. There was a shiny, silver dress on display. Mum looked at it, enchanted, but then she just turned and stroked Lilys cheek. Off they went, got Lily a new coat and boots. Mum bought nothing for herself. There was a cakebeautiful, white and pink, minuscule but rare as gold dust in those lean years. Lily ate most, Mum only getting a dab of frosting. Lily shot her a guilty glance, but Mum hugged her close: Its all right, love, well manage, Ill get you another.
Children grow up and forget what a toll it takes on parents, the GP continued. You were tiny once, helpless, and now your mum is like that. Sowhat do you mean to do, eh? I get that youre worn to pieces. But just thinkif your mum was gone tomorrow, youd have all the time in the world. No more getting up at night, no more care. Would you be happier, really? His voice had a warning edge.
No… I well do whatever you recommend. Sorry, I justnever mind, Ill come back later! stammered Lily, and left, cheeks aflame.
She felt sick. What was she thinking? Life without Mum? Unbearable. She couldnt cope. Even grown up, raising her own daughterMum was everything. How many times did Lily cry, her head buried in Mums knees, waiting for the world to fix itself? When anything bad happened, when she just needed to endure until she could go home, to Mum. Mum would comfort her, give the best advice.
The phone buzzedher brother, Josh.
What is it? Tonis already been. The flat, is it? Take the lotjust leave me in peace, you lot of penny-pinchers! You know how much Mum loves you, always asking after her darling Josh. But you? Remember when you were laid up for three months? Who nursed you? Mum! She raised us single-handed, and Lily slammed the phone down.
She stomped through puddles, wiping away her tears. She ducked into a shop and, unbelievably, saw a dress almost like the one from her childhood. She darted to the mannequin.
Thats the last one in that size. It wont fit youI think youll need something bigger, whispered the shop assistant.
I know! Wrap it up. Not for mefor my mum. Shes a slip of a thing. Nothing from that rail would fit me, sniffed Lily.
The assistant blinked. The dress was stunning. Lily would dress Mum up, just like before. On the way home, she bought a cakewhite and pink, just like the old days. Mum wouldnt see it, but never mind. Lily could describe it to her with all the childhood excitement.
She dashed up the stairs two at a time and burst in. Her daughter, Daisy, was singing to her grandmother, stroking her hair. Mum was smiling.
Lils is home. Go have a nap, love, you must be exhaustedIm a right pest these days, Mum said, reaching out.
There was a lump in her throat; she found it hard to breathe. Life throws you tests, but not all pass with honour. Lily nearly failed.
She put her head in Mums hands. This was it: as long as parents live, we are the children. Without themorphans, no matter if youre 10 or 60. Everyone needs a mum.
Mum, I got you a dress, like the one in that shop window long ago. Silver, just like before! And a cake. Well get you all dressed up and have a cuppa. Youll look gorgeous! Lily said, gently letting Mums hair down.
Mum played with the dress and smiled timidly. They dressed her up, Lily styled her hair, Daisy fetched the perfume and dabbed lipstick on Grandma. She put the kettle on.
They reminisced and laughed. Lily thought Mum looked beautifulsuch kindness, such serenity in her face, a look disappearing with her generation. No complaints, never a moan, no matter how much she suffers. Just then, there was a knock at the door. Josh stood on the threshold with flowers andan enormous pineapple.
Whatevers the pineapple for, Josh? Lily chortled.
Mum wanted one once, ages ago, but we couldnt afford it. Look, Ill bring one every day if she likes! Ignore Toni, shes a proper pain. Never mind the money, Mum can stay as long as she likesshe can come to mine when shes well enough, and Ill come round for pies all the time! Josh beamed.
He came in, fussing over Mums outfit. Mum laughed and blushed, as if she werent ill at all.
Life spun differently for Lily after that. She picturedvividly, painfullywhat life would be like without Mum. So she fought for every single day.
I always worried Id come home and Mum would be gone. She reverted to childhoodId spoon-feed, plait her hair, whisper, Just keep living. However you are, just stay close, Lily told her family.
Lily drove out the despair and grief. She tried to smile more, told Mum funny stories, promised shed soon be on her feet again, made every day a celebration. She and Daisy blew up balloons, belted karaoke. Mum adored musicher voice was beautiful, strong! She started singing along.
Lils, are you wearing something yellow today? Mum asked one day.
Lily dropped her cloth. She was indeed in her favourite yellow, floral dress.
Mum, you can see a bit? Oh, Mum, thats wonderful! Lily threw herself at Mum.
Bit by bit, clinging to the walls, Mum started walking again. Nothing brought Lily greater joy. She would never let Mum go back to her old flattheyd all stay together. Three girlsLily, Mum, and Daisy. So much still to do! Mum had meant to teach her to bake bread properly, but Lilys pies always burned. Josh promised to visit.
When he did, hed carry Mum out to the garden benchhe was a giant, nearly six foot six, strong as an ox. Mum called him her little bear. Lily sat quietly, admiring Mum in her lovely coat and new hat. So delicate, like a doll.
For the first time, Lily felt peace. Small steps, but everything is possible, as long as Mums there. Her voice is strength, like sun and water to a flower. Without it, shed wither away. Mum is light and warmth.
So, what is there to wish for? May the hearts of mothers always beat strong; may they know care and surprises: a bunch of flowers on a rainy day, a dress with nowhere special to go, a spritz of perfume. And most important, lets tell them, while we can:
I love you, Mum. Just stay with me. Youre the best thing in my life.Mum squeezed Lilys handthe old, sure grip, stubborn as ever.
Funny thing, love, she murmured, I always wondered if Id been a good mother. Now I dont worry. Look at us.
In that moment, Lily knew: all those anxious nights, all the hard choicesthey were seeds that kept on blooming. Three generations, gathered around a battered teapot and a too-small cake, sharing stories and laughter. Outside, the weather didnt matter. Inside, a kind of quiet radiance filled the room.
Later, as dusk pressed gently at the window, Daisy climbed into Grandmas lap and Lily curled at their feet. They listened to the creak of the house and the lull of old songs, warmth winding through the fragile spaces. None of them spoke of days ahead or what might break apart. They just sat there, brimming with love, fierce and grateful.
Because thisright here, right nowwas everything. And for Lily, that was more than enough.
