I was absolutely boiling with rage! Just yesterday, I had another row with my mother, and I couldnt bring myself to ring up my husbands mother either.
Were fortunate, in a way, to have both grandmothersmine and my husbands. Though fortunate might be too strong a word, since neither acts the part. They both live barely a stones throw from our sons nursery, yet neither will lift a finger to fetch him. Id do it myself, but my workday ends at six, and by then, its too late. My husband isnt always free either, working shifts at the factory. So weve had to hire a nanny, another drain on our already tight budget. And all this when weve got grandmothers!
My mother finishes work by four and passes the nursery every evening on her way home. But her private life is her priority nowshes divorced my stepfather and insists on living for herself. She claims she needs to unwind after work, slapping on face masks to keep youthful. Every weekend, shes off to the cinema, an exhibition, or meeting friends. Shell take our son now and then, but only on weekends, grumbling that he disrupts her peace, dashing about her flat and ruining her meditation. Shes full of parenting advice, mind you, but refuses to lift a finger herself.
My husbands mother is another matter altogether. Shes never worked a day, content as a housewife. She raised four children, all born within three years of each othermy husband being the eldest. Youd think shed be the perfect help, but no. She says shes done her bit with her own lot and wont be bothered now. Theres too much housework, she insistscooking, cleaning, laundry, feeding the family, picking up after everyone. Never mind that her younger sons, eighteen and twenty-one, are grown men who ought to fend for themselves.
Once, she did take our boy, but the ordeal left her in a proper huff. She swore she hadnt had a moment to herself after collecting himher men had come home tired and starving from work. Later, she told me straight: Id had the child for myself, not for her, so I ought to manage alone. She made it clear we shouldnt expect her help again.
The cost of childcare weighs heavily on us. What galls me most is the hypocrisyboth grandmothers fussing over our boy at Christmas, boasting of their love and comparing gifts. But we dont need presentswe need real help.
Yesterday, I had to swallow my pride and beg my mother to fetch him from nursery. We couldnt spare the money for the nanny.
Weve learned not to expect anything from our parentsnot money, not real support. My husbands mother wont chip in either, claiming all her money goes on feeding her men, who eat out half the time.
I dont know how well manage. Every penny goes on food, clothes, and household bills, with the nannys wages on top. How do we make them see we need their help?
