28April2025 Diary
None of the grandmothers will fetch our little boy from the nursery, so Im forced to shell out a small fortune for childcare. I was fuming today Id just had another row with my own mother and I cant even bring myself to dial my fatherinlaws number.
Were lucky, or so it sounds, because we have two grandmothers mine and my husbands. Lucky is a generous word, though; theyre not really grandmothers. Both live a stones throw about a hundred yards from the nursery, yet each stubbornly refuses to pick him up. I could do it myself, but my shift ends at six, and I cant get there on time. My partner works rotating shifts at a factory, so he cant always cover it either. That means we have to hire a babysitter, an extra £150 a week that gnaws at the family budget despite the presence of grandmothers.
My mum finishes work at four and passes the nursery every evening on her way home. Her life at the moment revolves around herself shes recently finalised a divorce from my stepdad and is keen on metime, face masks and the like to feel younger. Weekends see her at the cinema, a gallery opening, or brunch with friends. She only looks after her grandson on rare weekends, claiming his constant running disrupts her meditation routine. She loves doling out parenting advice, yet she flatly refuses to get involved herself.
My husbands mother is a different story. She never left the house for work; shes a lifelong housewife with four children spaced less than three years apart. Our eldest son, Tom, is her pride. She seems the ideal helper, but she says shes already tied up with her own brood, has a mountain of housework, and simply lacks the time or inclination for a grandchild. She must cook, clean, laundry, feed the family and then tidy up after everyone. Her younger sons an eighteenyearold and a twentyoneyearold are perfectly capable of looking after themselves.
Once she even snatched my son from the nursery, looking utterly indignant. She claimed she had no time to do anything else, that her own men had just come home exhausted and hungry. Later she told me Id chosen to be a mother for myself, not for her, and that I should look after the baby on my own. She made it clear we could no longer count on her assistance.
The cost of looking after our son pounds our modest budget. Im livid at the hypocrisy of grandmothers who, every Christmas, meet their grandson, gush about how much they love him, and argue over who bought which gift while their real help is absent. We dont need the presents; we need genuine support.
So today I had to practically beg my own mother on the phone to fetch my boy from the nursery because we cant afford another babysitter.
We cant expect any help from our parents, financially or otherwise. My partners mother wont chip in money, saying the lads eat out and all the cash goes on groceries.
I cant picture a way out of this bind. Every pound we earn disappears on food, clothes, household bills, and the nannys wages. How do we persuade our grandmothers to lend a hand?
Lesson learned: counting on family without realistic expectations only leaves you exhausted and resentful, so I must find a solution that doesnt depend on fragile promises.
