My stepdad never treated us badly. At least, he never made us feel guilty for eating, and didnt yell about schoolwork; only when Emily came home later than expected, would he lose his temper.
I promised your mother Id keep an eye on you! hed shout at Emilys quiet protests that she was, actually, already an adult. And I know better than you whats good for you and what isnt! An adult, you say! Think getting your certificate means youre free to do whatever you like? Get yourself a proper job first, then act like youre grown up!
Later, when hed calmed down, his voice would soften.
Hell dump you, Im telling you, hed say, sighing. “I’ve seen the lad who drives you homeexpensive car, pretty face. Why would a posh boy like that want an ordinary girl, Emily? Youll end up in tears, mark my words.
Emily never believed him. Sure, Oliver was handsome, and he was studying at university, paying tuition fees, but Emily would have loved to study that way herself. She hadnt passed the entrance exam, disliked college, and so she handed out flyers, delivered newspapers, and spent most of her time preparing for next years exams. Thats how Emily met Oliverhe took one flyer, then another, then a third, and said:
Tell you what, missif I take all your flyers, will you join us at the café?
What possessed her that moment, Emily never knew, but she agreed. She didnt waste flyers in that area, stuffed them in her backpack and threw them away on her way back from the café.
Oliver introduced her to his mates and treated her to pizza and ice cream. Emily and her little sister were used to such treats only on birthdaysthey never had much money, and her stepdad wouldnt let them spend her mums pension, saying it was for a rainy day in case anything happened to him.
Truth was, he earned decent money, but spent half of it on his eternally broken car and the other half he gambled away. Emily never complainedat least he didnt kick her and Alice out of his house; it was his flat now, her mums had been sold when she fell ill. Of course, Emily wished for chocolate, pizza, or sweet drinks, but if anything ever came her way, she gave it to her sister. She even asked Oliver in the cafécould she take a bit of pizza for her sister? He stared at her, puzzled, then bought her a whole pizza and a big bar of chocolate with nuts to take home.
Stepdad was wrong to think Oliver would treat her badly. He was kind, and being with him made Emily realise how much she wanted to improve herself, so she worked harder for her exams and took a proper job as a cashier in a shop. The pay was good, and she finally bought herself a decent pair of jeans and got her hair done at a real salonto make Oliver proud.
When he invited her to his familys cottage for the weekend, Emily knew what he was expecting, but she wasnt frightenedshe was grown up now and they loved each other. She worried her stepdad wouldnt let her stay over, but soon he was coming home late, sometimes not at all. Emily knew he was sleeping at Aunt Lindas, the nurse from their road, whom hed been courting for ages. Linda hadnt wanted to bother with a man who had two girls from a previous marriage, even though she’d once been married herself but divorced. In the end, she gave in to his clumsy efforts.
It worked out for Emily, even if Alice cried the first time she realised shed spend the night alone; but Emily bought her a chocolate bar, some crisps, and a fizzy drink, and Alice accepted it grudgingly.
Emily found out she was pregnant late. Her cycles were always irregular, and no one ever taught her to keep track. It was Veronica, the older cashier, who joked one day,
Youre glowing, and youve filled outare you expecting by any chance?
They laughed it off, but that evening Emily bought a test. When the two lines appeared, she didnt believe itit couldnt be!
Oliver didnt rejoice. He said the timing was all wrong and shoved her some money for the doctor. Emily cried through the night, then went. But it was too latesixteen weeks gone. Turns out, it happened that weekend at the cottage, and shed thought it was impossible to get pregnant the first time.
For a while, Emily managed to hide it from her stepdad, but her bump grew. She had to confess.
He shouted like never before.
And wheres this lad of yours? Is he going to marry you?
Emily lowered her eyes. She hadnt seen Oliver for a monthhed vanished as soon as he learnt shed have to keep the baby.
I told you, Emily he said tiredly.
He took some time before he finally spokeprobably after confiding in Aunt Linda.
If thats how it is, youll have to have it. But youll leave the baby at the hospitalI dont need another mouth to feed. Listen, Im getting married, Emily. Lindas pregnant too. Twins. You see? Three babies in one house? Thats just too much.
Is she moving in? Emily asked, surprised.
Well, course she isshell be my wife, wont she?
He wasnt joking. He talked about it every day, threatening to throw Emily and Alice out if she dared bring her baby home. Emily knew he was echoing Lindas words, but it didnt mattershe couldnt give up her child.
Dont worry, said Aunt Linda. Babies like thatadopted in no time, loved as their own.
Emily cried, rang Oliver, tried to figure out where she, her sister, and the baby could live, but couldnt think of a way. Then one day, Veronica nodded at a couple queuing up:
Strange, all these years and they still wear black. Devoting your whole life to grief, well If I were them, Id have another child. Or adopt.
Emily saw this couple oftentogether and separately. They were polite, warm-faced, if a touch sad, but she hadnt known what happened to them.
Their daughter died, remember that crashminibus with kids, famous case? School trip to another city, driver had apparently fallen asleep. He died, and that girl tootragic. Lovely peoplehes a doctor, she teaches English. Used to be my neighbours when I was married. Everyone went round, brought her little angel figurines. The girl bought one on that trip, clutched it in her hand. It was hard to retrieve. Don’t know who first thought to give the mum an angel figurine, but then lots did. I worried itd make her worse, but seemed it helped.
Emily remembered seeing, in a film once, a girl giving her baby to a couple who couldnt have children. These two, Emily knew, could have children, and likely didnt want another, yet she kept thinking about them. At eight months, still working, keen not to lose her job, it so happened the couple stood at her till. The man asked,
Miss, shouldnt you go on maternity leave soon? Youll have the baby at the counter at this rate!
Emily hadnt complained, though she was strugglingher back ached, heartburn plagued her, feet swelled horribly by end of day. No one ever asked after her, only the surgery doctor gave her grief, but that didnt count. Somehow this mans concern made her eyes watershed been crying at the drop of a hat lately.
A few days later, after her shift, she was walking home with shopping from her pay when the man caught up and offered to help. Emily felt shy, but also grateful. She thought: hes a good man.
She saw an angel figurine in a shop windowsummer sales, probably no one wanted them. On impulse, Emily bought it, got the couples address from Veronica, and went round.
Just as she pressed the doorbell, she wondered if she was being inappropriateyears had passed, surely no one gives them angels now.
A woman opened the door. She seemed to recognise Emily instantly, eyebrows raised in surprise. Emily quickly thrust the figurine out, head bowedshe half-expected the door slammed in her face or an angry outburst.
But neither happened. The woman took the angel, smiled, and said,
Come in. Would you like some tea?
Over tea, she told Emily their storythe same one Veronica had recounted, but hearing it direct made it sharper, sadder.
Why didnt you have another child? Emily whispered.
I had a tough birth. They had to remove my womb. I couldnt have children after.
It felt intrusivewhat gave Emily any right to ask? She so wanted to ask if theyd considered adoption, but the words stuck.
We almost did, the woman said, as if reading her mind. We went through the steps, did the training. But at the last minute, I couldnt. I asked my daughter for a sign. Nothing happened. Not a thing.
Just then, in the front room, there was a crash like a glass falling and breaking. The woman started, Emily looked roundshe hadnt realised there was anyone else in the flat.
They both got up and walked in. Emily expected something sombrea dark room, candles, photos everywhere. But no, just one picture, a bright room, and shelves full of angel figurines. One lay smashed on the floor. The woman gathered the porcelain pieces and stared at them, before murmuring,
Thats the very same figurine. Hers.
Emilys cheeks burned. Was that not a sign?
Emily delivered her baby girl on time. By then, Aunt Linda was living with them, and had given birth to twins early. The twins still needed to stay in hospital for a bit, but theyd already bought cotstwo lovely white ones, with coconut mattresses. For Emilys baby, they bought nothingshe was to leave her at the hospital. Only Alice, in whispers at bedtime, asked,
Cant you hide her somewhere? So they wont know shes yours? Ill help you.
Emily wanted to cry at that, but kept herself together for Alices sake.
She planned her note ahead of time: said she couldnt keep the baby, but reassured them she was healthy, not to worry. She wrote about the signthe fallen figurine. Into the envelope she tucked her entire savings from her mums pension. It should be enough; they were good people.
Discharge was in the morning, but dropping off a baby in broad daylight was terrifying. Emily spent all day sitting at the shopping centre, though her head spun and it was hard to sit. But her little girl needed a loving mum and dad.
When the centre closed, she sat another hour on the benchthankfully it was warm. Only as dusk settled did she dare slip into the building, catching the door as a man took his dog for a walk.
She brought her daughter in a carrycotbought with her own money and asked Veronica to bring to hospital. Shed not asked questions. Now, placing the carrycot so the door wouldnt hit it, Emily shoved the envelope under the blanket and was about to ring and run when the door opened. The manthe father of the lost little girlstood there.
What are you up to? he asked.
Emily jumped in fright.
Then he spotted the carrycot.
Whats this?
Tears started streaming. Emily poured out everythingabout Oliver leaving her, stepdad supporting her and Alice for seven years but now marrying and having twins, Aunt Linda insisting she abandon her baby.
He listened carefully, then said,
My wifes asleep, dont want to wake her. Tomorrow morning, well talk. Come in, you can sleep in the front room.
Sleeping among dozens of angel figurines was odd, but Emily fell asleep at once, clutching her baby close.
She woke, confused by emptiness. Her daughter was gone. In that moment, she knewshe would never part with her. Never. She had to go, find her, take her back
She sprang up, but before she could move, the womanher name was Helenwalked in, the baby in her arms.
Here you go, she smiled. She needs feeding. I rocked her so you could sleep, but it wouldn’t last long.
As Emily nursed her daughter, she couldn’t look Helen in the eye. What had the man said to his wife? What if theyd decided to adopt her baby already? How could she tell them shed changed her mind?
How olds your sister? Helen asked suddenly.
Twelve, Emily answered, surprised.
Do you think she’d be willing to come live with us?
Emily stared, bewildered.
What?
Well, John told me everything. About your stepdad throwing you out, nowhere left for you to go. I thought, if your sister stays there, theyll make her a maid. Better she comes here too.
What do you mean, ‘too? Emily stammered.
Helen nodded toward the glued figurine by the photodamaged but still recognisable.
I truly think its a sign. That were meant to help you, she said simply. Theres plenty of roommove in with us. Ill help you with your little girl. Forget those silly ideas. A mother and child should never be parted.
Joy and embarrassment flooded Emily; her cheeks grew crimson once again.
So, do you agree? Helen asked gently.
Emily nodded, face buried in her daughters blanket, so Helen wouldnt see the tears streaming down her face.
