This pain doesn’t fade
How brief is human life. We make plans, invest our strength and time in pointless pursuits, chasing after success, money, and the approval of others. Yet those who truly love us, who brought us into this world, who would never betray us, are somehow left on the back burner…
I realized this far too late.
My father left early, while my mother devoted her life to me.
I lost my father when I was still a child. He passed away from a severe illness, and my memories of him are faint. All I have are my mother’s words about the wonderful man he was.
She never remarried.
“I only loved him,” she would say. “And I still love him. I believe we will meet again one day.”
I listened to her stories, watching the light in her eyes flicker whenever she spoke of the past. She believed in love, in fate, in fairy tales.
But her life after my father’s death was far from a fairy tale.
I was her only son, and she dedicated herself entirely to me. She worked hard, cared for me, and strived to give me everything.
And I…
I forgot that parents are not eternal.
I left and started a new life while my mother remained waiting.
Five years ago, I got married and moved to a different city.
We had a son – Michael.
Life became a whirlwind. Family, work, and then a second job – I needed to earn more to provide for my child and think about the future.
I called my mother less and less.
I only visited during holidays.
She always waited.
“Everything’s alright, my son,” she would say. “What matters is that you’re doing well.”
Yet I didn’t even realize how time was slipping away.
How she was slipping away.
The call that changed everything
A few days before New Year’s, a call came through.
I saw an unfamiliar number.
“Hello?”
On the other end was a shaky voice:
“This is Graham, your mother’s neighbor… Your mother is no longer with us…”
She had a heart attack. She died in the hospital.
I listened to those words but couldn’t grasp their meaning.
The world crumbled in an instant.
I stood, holding the phone, unsure of what to do.
And then…
Then the tears flowed freely.
Bitter, piercing.
I cried not only from pain.
I cried from guilt.
Forgive me, Mum…
Forgive me for not being there.
Forgive me for not finding the time to tell you how much I love you.
Forgive me for letting you leave alone.
Now you are gone, and life will never be the same.
I would give anything to relive just one day. One evening. One hour.
But time cannot be reclaimed.
And I was too late to say, “I love you.”
