This pain won’t fade
How fleeting human life is. We make plans, expend our energies and time on trivial pursuits, chase after success, money, and the validation of others. Meanwhile, those who truly love us, who gave us life, and who would never betray us, somehow find themselves pushed to the background…
I realized this far too late.
My father left us early, and my mother lived solely for me. He passed away when I was just a child, succumbing to a severe illness, and my memories of him are faint. All I have are my mother’s words about what a wonderful man he was.
She never remarried.
“I loved only him,” she would say. “And I still do. I believe we will meet again one day.”
I listened to her stories, watching the light flicker in her eyes as she spoke of the past. She believed in love, in fate, in fairy tales.
But her life after my father’s death was far from a fairy tale.
I was her only son, and she devoted herself entirely to me. She worked tirelessly, cared for me, and did everything in her power to ensure I had what I needed.
And I…
I forgot that parents are not eternal.
I left, starting a new life while my mother remained behind to wait.
Five years ago, I got married and moved to a different town.
We had a son—Oliver.
Life started spinning away. Family, work, and then another job—it was necessary to earn more, to provide for the child, to think about the future.
I called my mother less and less.
Visiting only during holidays.
She always waited.
“Everything is fine, my dear,” she would say. “The important thing is that you’re well.”
And I failed to notice how time passed by.
How she faded away.
The call that changed everything
A few days before New Year’s, the phone rang.
I noticed an unfamiliar number.
“Hello?”
A trembling voice came through the line:
“This is Graham, your mother’s neighbour… Your mother has passed away…”
She had suffered a heart attack. She died in the hospital.
I heard the words, but I couldn’t comprehend them.
The world collapsed in an instant.
I stood there, phone in hand, unsure of what to do.
And then…
Tears began to flow, unbidden.
Bitter, piercing tears.
I cried not only from pain.
I cried from guilt.
Forgive me, Mum…
Forgive me for not being there.
Forgive me for not finding the time to tell you how much I love you.
Forgive me for letting you leave alone.
Now you’re gone, and life will never be the same again.
I would give everything to have back just one day. One evening. One hour.
But time cannot be reclaimed.
And I am too late to say, “I love you.”
