This Pain Doesn’t Fade
How fleeting human life is. We make plans, expend our energies and time on trivial pursuits, chasing after success, wealth, and the approval of others. Yet, those who truly love us, who gave us life, who will never betray us, somehow get relegated to a secondary place in our lives…
I came to this realization far too late.
My father left us early, while my mother devoted herself entirely to me. He passed away from a serious illness when I was just a child, so my memories of him are hazy. All I have are my mother’s words about the wonderful person he was.
She never remarried.
“I loved only him,” she would say. “And I still do. I believe we will meet again someday.”
I listened to her stories, watching her eyes light up as she reminisced about the past. She believed in love, in fate, in fairy tales.
Yet, her life after my father’s death was far from a fairy tale.
I was her only son, and she dedicated herself to me entirely. She worked tirelessly, cared for me, and did everything she could to ensure I had it all.
And I…
I forgot that parents are not forever.
I left and started a new life while my mother remained behind waiting.
Five years ago, I got married and moved to a different city.
We had a son—Michael.
Life became a whirlwind—family, work, then a second job—I needed to earn more, provide for my child, think about the future.
I called my mother less frequently.
I only visited during the holidays.
She always waited for me.
“Everything is fine, my dear,” she would say. “The most important thing is that you’re well.”
And I failed to notice how time slipped away.
How she slipped away.
The call that changed everything
Just days before New Year’s, my phone rang.
An unfamiliar number appeared on the screen.
“Hello?” I answered.
A shaking voice responded, “This is Christopher, your mother’s neighbor… Your mother has passed away…”
She suffered a heart attack. She died in the hospital.
I heard the words, but I couldn’t comprehend them.
My world crumbled in an instant.
I stood frozen, phone in hand, lost as to what to do.
And then…
Then the tears flowed freely.
Bitter, piercing tears.
I cried not just from sorrow.
I cried out of guilt.
Forgive me, Mum…
Forgive me for not being there.
Forgive me for not finding the time to tell you just how much I love you.
Forgive me for letting you leave alone.
Now you’re gone, and nothing will ever be the same.
I would give anything to have one more day. One last evening. Just one hour.
But time cannot be turned back.
And I arrived too late to say, “I love you.”
