I’m absolutely livid! Today, I had another heated argument with my mum, and my father-in-law won’t even bother to ring me. Youd think wed be quite fortunate, having two grandmothers around my mum and my mother-in-law.
But honestly, fortunate is a bit of a stretch, since when it comes to help, it’s just a label, not lived reality. Both of our mums live less than a minutes walk from our sons nursery, yet both steadfastly refuse to collect him. I’d do it myself, but my workday doesn’t end until nine in the evening, so getting our son on time is simply impossible. My wife tries when she can, but she works split shifts at a local factory just like nearly everyone else in our town, really. Because of this, the nursery offers a late group for children up until ten o’clock at night. But it costs extra a tidy sum in pounds and this extra expense really strains our family finances. Especially when youve got supposedly living, healthy grandmothers just around the corner!
My own mum works until six most evenings, and every single day she walks past the nursery on her way home. However, her personal life comes first now. Shes separated from my stepdad and wants to finally live for just herself, so she insists she needs downtime after work: relaxing with a face mask, so she looks young as ever. Her weekends are booked solid: cinema trips, art exhibitions, catch-ups with her friends. She only takes our son along on rare occasions and even then, just at the weekend. She claims he disrupts her usual routine, charges about the flat, and gets in the way of her meditation. Mum loves giving me advice about raising children, but refuses point-blank to be involved herself.
Then theres my mother-in-law. Thats another story altogether. Shes never worked a single day; shes always been a housewife. Shes got four children, all just a few years apart. My wife is her eldest. On paper, shed seem the perfect person to lend a hand with her grandson, right? Far from it. She says shes done all her childminding and has far too many household tasks these days to want to bother. She’s forever cooking, cleaning, doing washing, welcoming everyone home after work, serving dinner, tidying up, putting everyone to bed. And thats despite her youngest sons being eighteen and twenty-one grown men entirely capable of sorting themselves out.
Once, my mother-in-law picked up our son, but created such a fuss afterward claimed the heavens themselves were too warm, she hadn’t had time for anything else, and her men came home worn-out and starving. She then told me that Id had a child for myself, not for her, so I should manage all the collecting myself and not expect her to help. Basically, she told us not to count on her ever again.
For a moment there, we got lucky my wife used to love a lie-in, so she worked the later shift, and I could manage the earlier one. That changed when she moved departments; the new arrangement replaced her with an aunt, who flat-out refuses to do evenings, meaning were back to paying for that costly late group at nursery. Its a real blow to our finances. Im tired of all the double standards from our mums they boast about how much they adore our son, especially at holidays, talking up whichever presents they brought. But help isnt about gifts! We dont need teddy bears or toy trains. We need real support.
So today, I rang my mum and practically begged her to pick up my son from nursery, as we simply cant keep affording these late fees. We get nothing from our parents no financial support, no practical help. My mother-in-law wont help us with money either; she says her sons eat like horses and all her money gets spent feeding them. I genuinely have no idea how to escape this situation now. Every penny my wife and I earn goes on food, clothes, the basics, and then we have to pay twice as much for childcare. How do we get our mums to actually lend a hand instead of buying gifts?
Looking back on today, Ive realised something important. You cant force people to help if they dont want to, no matter how close they are. The real lesson is, sometimes you just have to rely on yourself and find your own way to keep going even if it means asking for help is more costly than youd hoped.
