Lisa, my wife’s closest friend, often finds herself in extremely unfortunate situations, despite not doing anything to warrant them. She’s just incredibly unlucky by nature. The first alarming incident happened to her about three years ago.
Lisa was returning home from work at midnight. She parked her car and hurriedly began the nerve-wracking and thrilling hundred-meter dash to the apartment building door. She was just three meters away when two hooded figures emerged from the shadows and told her to stop. They demanded money, jewelry, and other valuables. To prevent any unnecessary argument, they hit Lisa on the head with a bat.
As a result, she sustained a concussion, a severe hematoma, and, on top of that, lost her handbag, which contained important documents, cash, keys, and other essentials including her ID. Once she regained consciousness, poor Lisa filed a report with the police. The officers reluctantly opened a case, only to promptly close it with the conclusion: “Unable to identify a suspect.”
Lisa felt deeply frustrated and didn’t give up easily. She went around the neighborhood, asking everyone if they saw or heard anything. Finally, luck was on her side. Someone had parked under the entrance that night, with their dashcam on. Even more impressively, upon reviewing the footage, they took it to the police (around the same time Lisa was filing her report with a bandage wrapped around her head). The police thanked the proactive citizen, but they said the attacker’s faces were too blurry, and the voices indistinguishable. Yes, faces were seen running past the car with a lady’s handbag, but what about the faces? Just ordinary faces. If these guys had their passport numbers and addresses printed on their shirts, or if they had loudly stated their names on camera, that would be different. But in this case, if that’s all, thank you for the tip, and please don’t interfere with our work.
Lisa had no choice but to let it go and kept the video as a bittersweet memento. Since then, her husband made an effort to meet her at the parking lot, with their children watching from the window.
However, her husband was also busy and sometimes arrived home even later. So sometimes, whether she liked it or not, Lisa had to walk alone from her car to the apartment building. Inevitably, the scenario almost completely repeated itself. There were minor differences: after an identical hit on the head, the victim managed some self-defense – she sprayed the attackers with pepper spray, resulting in just two strikes (the second much stronger than the first).
The police, demonstrating little deviation from their previous investigation plan, closed the case even faster this time. After all, the victim hadn’t seen her attackers’ faces at all. A tense and arduous year passed, during which Lisa’s husband packed his bags, said goodbye, and left in pursuit of an easier life abroad. Meanwhile, Lisa switched jobs several times, changed her hairstyle, and redecorated the apartment.
Then one day, while at a car wash, Lisa recognized one of her assailants. It was evident he was on familiar terms with the staff, and they’d seen him before, too. But the police cut her off, stating:
– Even if it is him, we have nothing to charge him with; the video isn’t admissible as evidence. Firstly, it’s blurry, and it’s unclear from it whether he hit you or just came out of the entrance with a bat. And is it even him at all? No one will let us set up a round-the-clock watch at the car wash to catch this unknown individual. So, it’d be better if you wore a helmet if you’re out at night.
Another year passed, a year in which the headaches finally subsided. During this time, Lisa fell in love with a sturdy and reliable man and happily married him. Soon enough, her old unsolved robbery case unexpectedly resurfaced. And miraculously, both attackers were captured as swiftly as fleas under a microscope. They were ceremoniously charged and sentenced to twelve years in prison.
Despite her life improving overall, minor criminal misfortunes continued to find Lisa – after all, karma hasn’t been repealed yet. One evening during rush hour, Lisa was in a hurry for an important meeting. She abandoned her car and jumped onto the underground. Upon resurfacing, she discovered a long, brutal slash on her favorite handbag, and inside, her colorful wallet containing all her documents, credit cards, and a hefty sum of holiday cash was missing.
For appearance’s sake, Lisa let out a couple of half-hearted sobs and, without wasting time, called her beloved husband (thankfully, they hadn’t taken her phone).
– Hi, darling, you’re going to laugh, but I’ve been robbed again. I’m not sure, but most likely in the underground.
Her steadfast husband swung into action immediately:
– Lisa, don’t worry, everything will be fine. Where are you?
– Near Victoria station.
– Don’t hang up; go back into the underground quickly. As soon as you see any officer, approach him, give him the phone, and relax.
Within a minute and a half, the victim was seated at the underground police station, surrounded by bustling staff insistently offering her a choice of tea: green, black, or Earl Grey. And just two worn-out hours later, a breathless but very pleased captain burst through the door, holding a woman’s colorful wallet.
Inside was everything – absolutely everything, including the money. It’s good to be married to a police chief.
