My Pain: I Despise My Wife and Don’t Want a Child with Her
How am I supposed to go on?
My name is Andrew.
I’m writing this because I can’t keep it bottled up anymore.
My soul is torn apart.
I’m miserable.
I feel trapped in my own life.
Everything in my world was decided for me—by parents, relatives, traditions.
And now I’m living with a woman I feel nothing but hatred for.
Every day, I curse the moment I couldn’t say “no.”
My Heart Belonged to Another
I loved her.
The one I chose myself.
The one with whom I was truly happy.
Her name was Alice, and when I was with her, it felt like I had found my other half.
Six months of bliss.
Six months when, for the first time, I felt like a real man and not a puppet for my family.
But happiness was short-lived.
As soon as my father found out about her, he was furious.
“You dared to get involved with an outsider?!”
He wouldn’t listen to me.
He couldn’t see how much I loved her.
To him, only one thing mattered—that she wasn’t from our circle.
He decided I wouldn’t have a choice.
And he did everything to break me.
My brother and his friends watched my every move.
And then…
They found us.
I Couldn’t Protect My Love
That day, Alice and I hid in the park.
We sat on a bench, holding hands.
We thought no one would find us.
But suddenly, they appeared.
My brother.
And three of his friends.
I saw the hatred in their eyes.
They didn’t even speak—just attacked me.
I remember falling to the ground, feeling punches to my face and stomach.
I heard Alice screaming.
I heard her trying to pull them off me.
But I couldn’t do anything.
I was beaten.
I was humiliated.
I was crushed.
And then they took me home.
I never saw Alice again.
I Was Married Off Like a Commodity
The next day, I was married.
Just like that.
Without my consent.
Without my choice.
As if I were an item to be given away.
I shouted.
I protested.
But no one listened to me.
My family decided they knew best.
And I ended up in a house with a stranger I didn’t even know.
A stranger I didn’t want to know.
I Became a Prisoner in My Own Home
I lived beside her but never saw her as my wife.
I only spoke to her when necessary.
I avoided sharing a bed with her whenever I could.
But one day, she told me:
“I’m pregnant.”
And I realized I was now even more bound.
I wouldn’t just have a marriage.
I’d have a family I never wanted.
But fate decided differently.
One evening, I came home exhausted, angry, disappointed.
I saw her walking around the house with a disgruntled expression, muttering under her breath.
I snapped a couple of harsh words at her.
She snapped back.
I lost control.
I pushed her.
She fell.
And a few hours later, she miscarried.
You know what’s most terrifying?
I don’t feel guilty.
I don’t regret it.
I’m relieved that the child won’t be born.
Because I didn’t want it.
I Don’t Know How to Live On
I live with a woman I don’t love.
I think about the one I lost.
I look in the mirror and see a broken man who did nothing to save his life.
I don’t know what to do.
I don’t see a way out.
But one thing is for sure:
I won’t resign myself to this.
I’ll find a way to leave.
I’ll find a way to break free.
And then, I’ll be able to breathe again.
