My Struggle: I Despise My Wife and Don’t Want a Child with Her
How do I move forward in life?
My name is Andrew.
I’m writing this because I can’t keep it all inside any longer.
My soul is torn apart.
I’m unhappy.
I feel trapped in my own life.
In my world, decisions were made for me—by parents, family, and expectations.
And now I live with a woman I feel nothing for, except hate.
Every day, I curse the moment I couldn’t say “no.”
My heart belonged to another
I loved her.
The one I chose for myself.
The one I was happy with.
Her name was Alice, and when I was with her, I felt I found my soulmate.
Six months of happiness.
Six months where, for the first time, I felt like a man, not a puppet controlled by my family.
But happiness was short-lived.
When my father found out about us, he was furious.
“You dared to be with her?!”
He wouldn’t listen to me.
He didn’t see how much I loved her.
All that mattered to him was that she wasn’t from our circle.
He decided I wouldn’t have a choice.
And he did everything to break me.
My brother and his friends watched my every move.
And then…
Then they found us.
I couldn’t protect my love
That day, Alice and I hid in a park.
We sat on a bench, holding hands.
We thought no one would find us.
But suddenly, they appeared.
My brother.
And three of his friends.
I saw the hatred in their eyes.
They didn’t even speak—they just lunged at me.
I remember falling to the ground, feeling blows to my face and my stomach.
I heard Alice scream.
I heard her try to pull them away from me.
But I couldn’t do anything.
I was beaten.
I was humiliated.
I was crushed.
Then they dragged me home.
I never saw Alice again.
I was offered like goods at a market
The next day, I was married off.
Just like that.
Without my consent.
Without my choice.
As if I were an object to be bartered.
I screamed.
I protested.
But no one heard me.
My family decided they knew best.
And I ended up in a house with a woman I didn’t even know.
A woman I didn’t want to know.
I became a prisoner in my own home
I lived beside her but never saw her as a wife.
I only spoke to her when necessary.
I avoided sharing a bed with her whenever I could.
Then one day, she told me:
“I’m pregnant.”
And I realized I was now further entangled.
Now I would have a family I never wanted.
But fate intervened.
One evening, I came home, tired, angry, and frustrated.
I watched her moving around the house with a scowl, muttering under her breath.
I snapped and said some harsh words.
She snapped back.
I lost control.
I shoved her.
She fell.
And a few hours later, she miscarried.
Do you know what’s horrifying?
I don’t feel guilty.
I’m not sorry.
I’m relieved there won’t be a child.
Because I never wanted it.
I don’t know how to carry on
I live with a woman I don’t love.
I think of the one I’ve lost.
I look in the mirror and see a broken person who did nothing to save his own life.
I don’t know what to do.
I don’t see a way out.
But there’s one thing I’m sure of:
I won’t accept this.
I’ll find a way to leave.
I’ll find a way to break free.
And then, perhaps, I can breathe again.
