Not long ago, I was sure that silly prejudices were a thing of the past, but my in-laws turned out to be ardent supporters of patriarchy. My husband doesn’t want to help me with my son, and my mother and mother-in-law are sure that he shouldn’t have to.
Our son is one year old soon. Even though we have a relatively quiet baby, it’s still hard for me to be housebound 24/7. Maternity leave takes a lot out of me. I was hoping that my spouse would help me with the baby, because he dreamed so much about his son.
I’ll be honest, I wanted to hold off on having a baby. I dreamed that first I would climb the career ladder and only then go on maternity leave for a year, and then hire a nanny who would look after my baby. I hadn’t even considered other options. The image of my sister on maternity leave as a zombie was too vivid in my mind.
However, my plans were thwarted by a test that showed two lines. The pregnancy came as a complete surprise to me. I am now thinking that it would have made more sense to get rid of the baby, my spouse wouldn’t have found out, and I would have been able to carry out my plans. Now I deeply regret going along with my emotions and sharing the news with my husband.
He was over the moon and promised me the moon, he said we were going to have the baby, period. He assured me that we can cope with everything together, because he has an excellent salary, and therefore bezmennye us no threat. Under the pressure of my beloved, I gave up.
I did not have time to move up the career ladder, and so I went on maternity leave as an ordinary employee. My spouse assured me that all my fears were in vain, as he would help me and support me.
After my son was born, however, my spouse quickly forgot all of his promises. At first he said he was scared to take such a baby in his arms, then he said he could not cope with his son and he cried all the time, and now he just said he was tired and needed rest.
My spouse constantly reproaches me that I’m not tired because I’m home all the time and he’s plowing to make money. I guess staying up for weeks because my son is teething isn’t hard. He sits in the office all day, and sometimes I can’t even sit down all day. Of course I need help at least so that I can have a proper bath or a meal.
Our grandmothers live in another city, so they only help me with advice, which I do not need. Once I complained to my mother-in-law that my husband did not help me in any way, but I heard nothing in response except reproaches. She told me that it is the mother’s job to babysit the child, but not the man’s.
– The child’s mother should take care of, and the husband comes home from work tired – he needs rest. And help men are no good, because they do not know how to do anything and do not know anything. When my son gets older, then he will need a father. – said my spouse’s mother to me.
I was furious at her words. It is clear that the man does not know anything, because he does not want to. I guess you don’t have to be a genius to change your son’s diaper or play with him.
I then decided that my mother-in-law just felt sorry for her son and did not want him to overwork himself, because a mother always takes the side of her child, even if the child already has a beard and a family.
However, my mother’s reaction was exactly the same when I complained to her about my husband. My mother also told me that it was a woman’s job to take care of her child, and therefore I should not shirk my motherly duties, but at the same time I should not forget that I also have to do all the housework alone.
Well, where is the justice, because the husband has an eight-hour day, and besides this even two days off, and I get work around the clock.
I am very hurt by the fact that I can not get anywhere support. I am actually very tired already, but for some reason my relatives believe that it is the wife’s responsibility to take care of the newborn and to drag all the housework on herself. I dream of swapping places with my husband for at least a week, so that he can experience the pleasures of maternity. But I’m sure he’ll never go for it!
