My Son’s Girlfriend Can’t Do Basic Things… What Should I Do? A British Mother’s Tale of Promises, Family Lessons, and the Great Missing Button Dilemma

Author Emily TaylorReading 3 minViews 1

The dog doesnt know the simplest things What should I do?

A few years ago, my mother-in-law slipped away, and after laying her to rest, I made myself a solemn vow: for the departed, its either all fondness or none at allno wavering.

Another silent promiseI swore that whatever daughter-in-law fate might bring me, I would never become her.

Of course, intentions are one thing, reality marches to its own peculiar tune.

My only son, William, turned 25 this year and early this summer, he brought home a young lady friend.

Staying faithful to my oath not to meddle, I welcomed his girlfriend with an open heart and half-closed eyes.

I told myself I wouldnt judge her, wouldnt pick at her faults, wouldnt lecture hernot after all the grief my late mother-in-law inflicted, souring things so much we ended up mutual adversaries.

I dont want to drive William or this girl away. Honestly, I find pleasure in brewing their filter coffees, knowing just how they like their breakfast, and spoiling them on weekendsSaturdays or Sundays, never in the busy blur of weekdays.

Afterwards, I orchestrate my vanishing actwith my husband fishing by the lake, or over with a friend, or popping to Mums for chutney and pickling daysleaving those two alone with the old house watching.

Still, something oddly comical happened that left me rather stunneda moment so strange I felt compelled to share. One evening, Williams girlfriend flashed a new top she had snagged on her way home from the office.

It wasnt expensive; in fact, the price had dropped further since one of the buttons had popped off.

She slipped it on, twirledshe looked delightful, it fit her perfectly. The next day, Friday, when we were heading out to visit friends, I suggested she wear that new top. She hesitated and finally admitted she couldntshe didnt know how to sew the button back on.

Oh, dear! it burst out of me. I was genuinely shocked that a 22-year-old girl didnt own a needle and thread, nor have a stray button on hand.

And tomorrow, my dear, what will things look like? How will you run a household, tend to a family, or make big decisionsif you cant manage a button?

So here I am, unsure what to doshould I just stitch the button back myself, demonstrating in passing? Should I show her, or just let it beif she wants to wear the top, let her figure it out, and if not, leave it buttonless in the wardrobe?

One things certainI have no wish to be a terrible mother-in-law; Ive seen it up close and find no taste for the part at all.

The Girl Doesn’t Know Basic Things… What Should I Do? My Mother-in-Law Passed Away a Few Years Ago, and After the Funeral, I Swore I’d Stick to the Rule: Speak Fondly of the Dead or Not at All. I Also Made Another Promise—No Matter Who Married My Son, I Would Never Become the Kind of Mother-in-Law She Was. But Good Intentions Are One Thing, Life Is Another. My Only Son, Alex, Turned 25 and Brought His Girlfriend Home at the Start of Summer. True to My Promise Not to Interfere, I Welcomed the Girl Warmly but Kept My Guard Up. I Told Myself I Wouldn’t Look Down on Her, Wouldn’t Nitpick, and Wouldn’t Give Unsolicited Advice—All Things My Late Mother-in-Law Did until We Ended Up Loathing Each Other. I Don’t Want to Push Away Either Alex or His Girlfriend. Truthfully, I Enjoy Making Them Both Coffee, I Know Their Breakfast Preferences, and I Like Spoiling Them on Weekends—During the Week, I’m Too Busy for Such Little Extras. So, I Try to Give Them Space—Heading Off with My Husband to the Lake, Visiting a Friend, Popping Round to Mum’s to Make Chutney and Pickles—Leaving Them Alone in the House. Still, Something Surprising Happened That I Felt Compelled to Share. One Evening, My Son’s Girlfriend Showed Off a New Top She’d Bought on the Way Home from Work. It Wasn’t Expensive, Made Cheaper Still by a Missing Button. She Tried It On—It Looked Lovely and Suited Her. The Next Day, Friday, I Suggested She Wear Her New Top on Our Outing… But She Didn’t—She Couldn’t Sew the Button Back On. “Oh, Really?” I Blurted Out, Surprised That a 22-Year-Old Didn’t Have a Needle, Thread, or Knack for Basic Simple Fixes. How, I Wondered, Will She Manage Tomorrow? How Will She Look After a Home and Family or Make Important Choices? Family Dynamics and Dilemmas. Now, I’m Not Sure What to Do—Should I Just Sew the Button On, Show Her How, or Leave It—Her Choice: Wear the Top or Let It Languish in the Wardrobe? One Thing’s Certain—I Don’t Want to Be a Difficult Mother-in-Law. I’ve Seen That Role and I Don’t Care for It.

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The One-Woman Man On the Day of His Wife’s Funeral, Fyodor Didn’t Shed a Tear—”You See, I Told You He Never Loved Zina,” Tosia Whispered to Her Neighbor. “Hush Now, What Difference Does It Make? The Children Are Orphans Now, with a Father Like That.”—”You’ll See, He’ll Marry Katie Soon Enough,” Tosia Assured Lelya. “Why Katie? She Wants Nothing to Do with Him. Glafira Was Always His True Love, Or Have You Forgotten How They Used to Sneak Around the Barns? Katie Has a Family and Moved On from Him Long Ago.” Zinaida Was Buried. The Children Clung to Each Other. Misha and Pauline Had Just Turned Eight. Though Zina Married Fyodor for Love, No One, Not Even She, Knew If He Truly Loved Her. Rumor Had It She Married Him Because She Fell Pregnant. Their First Child, Klavdy, Was Born Premature and Didn’t Survive; For Years Afterwards, There Were No More Children Until God Granted Twins—Pauline, Who Took After Fyodor, and Misha, Gentle Like His Mother. Fyodor Was Stern, Called “Lone Wolf” By Villagers for His Silence and Lack of Affection. When Zina Died, She Entrusted Misha With Protecting His Twin Sister. “You’re the Man of the House Now, Promise Me You’ll Care for Her,” She Said Before Passing. Fyodor Sat Wordless at His Late Wife’s Side. Life Slowly Settled—Pauline Tried to Manage the Household, But Needed Aunt Natalia’s Guidance. Villagers Whispered: Maybe Fyodor Would Marry Again, Perhaps to Glafira, His Old Flame—though Such Gossip Was Met with Chiding from the Parish Council Chairman, Maxim Leonard. Glafira Had Loved Fyodor Once, But Married Mitya Instead; Still, Old Sparks Began Rumored to Fly. Yet Fyodor Stayed True to Zina’s Memory. Even When Glafira Approached Him With Homemade Pies, He Refused, Remaining Loyal to His Wife, Even After Death. Years Passed, the Twins Grew Up. Aunt Natalia, Still Helping Them, Maintained That Her Brother Had Only Loved One Woman. When Pauline Confided She Loved Grisha Voronin “for Ever,” Natalia Cautioned Her That Sometimes Love Lasts a Lifetime—and Sometimes, If Betrayed, There’s No Loving Again. On Fridays, Pauline Secretly Followed Her Father to the Cemetery, Where He’d Whisper to Zina’s Grave All He Couldn’t Say in Life—For Fyodor, the Lone Wolf, Had Told Her Everything with His Heart.

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📌 Useful Social Services & Contacts in the U.S.

Stay informed and get help when you need it. Below are key national services with direct contacts that may support you or your loved ones:
🏥 Health & Mental Support

SAMHSA – Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration

What they do: Free and confidential help with substance use and mental health disorders.

Hotline: 1-800-662-HELP (4357) – 24/7, anonymous support

Website: samhsa.gov

🧒 Support for Children & Families

WIC – Women, Infants, and Children Program

What they do: Nutritional and healthcare support for pregnant women, new mothers, and young children.

Federal Info Line: 1-800-522-5006

Find local WIC office: fns.usda.gov/wic

My Son’s Girlfriend Can’t Do Basic Things… What Should I Do? A British Mother’s Tale of Promises, Family Lessons, and the Great Missing Button Dilemma