They say were responsible for everything that happens in our lives, that were to blame for our own circumstances. The choices we make each day shape the way we live.
Looking back, I made a rather poor choice when I decided to tie my fate to a man who was never truly serious about life. In my youth, I was besotted with Davidso much so that, even though I knew he was quite the womaniser, I convinced myself he would change for my sake. I wanted to believe, foolishly perhaps, that things would be different. But people rarely change who they are at their core. Even after our son, Edward, was born, David carried right on with his old ways.
Each month, it seemed there was something new to hear about his escapadesstories from neighbours, friends, even my own relatives. The embarrassment and the hurt blended together into a sort of numbness. I endured it all for five long years before Id finally had enough. We got a divorce. One saving grace was that David didnt turn greedy; he let me keep his flat, on the condition that I wouldnt ask for child support. Edward and I didnt want to live in that place anymore, so I let it out and moved back in with my mother, who by then needed caring for. Thats how things went for years.
The rent money went straight to Edwards upbringinghis clothes, school fees, trips out, and the odd present. I did my best to give him a decent childhood. What I earned otherwise went towards household bills, food, and medicine for Mum, whod been bedridden for years with illness. I always hoped Edward saw how much I cared, how hard I was trying for him. Now Im 57, living with diabetes, and constantly injecting insulin just to get by. Some days, finding the will to carry on is a struggle.
With my health, theres no way anyone would hire me these days. I dont have a pension either, after flitting between jobs all my life and never staying put long enough to qualify. Most of my work was off the booksI did what I could to earn enough, never thinking about the long-term. So now Im left living off the rental income from that flat. Edward is 31 now, and only recently he decided to get marriedhe and his wife intend to move into the flat.
When I told Edward I wouldnt have any money to live on if he took the flat, he simply said, “Thats not my problem, Dad.” Im lost. I have no savings, I need my medication, I need to eat and pay the bills. What am I supposed to do? How can my own son turn his back on me like this? What did I do to deserve this?
I suppose if theres one thing lifes taught me, its that the choices we make in trusting othersespecially those we lovecan shape not just their futures, but our own. And sometimes, even with the best intentions, we find ourselves alone, left to face the consequences.
