My Niece Came to Visit, but She’s Upset That I’m Not Feeding Her

My niece has turned up at my flat, but shes sulking because Im not feeding her.

I share a house with my sister, but we live in different towns. She lives in Manchester, while Im in London. Her daughter, Poppy, wants to go to university here, so shell be living in a dormitory later. For now shes stayed with me for a couple of weeks to sort out some paperwork and maybe a few exams. I havent bothered with the details; I just know that its normal to visit before you start university. My sister has agreed that Poppy can crash on my couch.

We never talked about who should put food on the table. Since her mum, Jane, keeps quiet about it, they sort it out between themselves. I walk into the lounge and see Poppy fuming. I ask whats wrong. She says she expected a hot lunch from me. I snap back, Im not going to feed you, and Im sticking to my own schedule. I have to head out now! Call your mum and have her transfer some money to your account, then go buy some biscuits, a roll or two, and have them with tea. Oh, and buy the tea too Ive run out! Youre not a little kid any more, youre eighteen!

Jane hasnt spoken to me in ages, and she doesnt know that ever since the kids left the nest my husband disappeared, and I threw myself into work. My timetable is brutal, so Im only home irregularly, and Ive no energy left for domestic chores. Even getting a decent nights sleep feels like a luxury.

Im not about to sacrifice anything for a guest. Its lovely, of course, to see Poppy. Shes grown up, looks more feminine, but Im no longer the freewheeling Aunt Lucy who could whip up a feast in no time. I tell her to shop for her own groceries, slice, boil, fry or steam whatever she wants. Better yet, she could pick up something readymade so she doesnt damage my stove or my flat.

Shes sulked, calmed down a little, and now stews in silence each day, apparently hoping for full board with her mums help. Maybe things will settle. Its hard to stop being the nice and handy aunt overnight, after years of keeping peaceful relationships with everyone close to me. Im still friendly enough to offer a free place to sleep, just missing the extra bit. I booked an appointment with a therapist to learn how to explain gently but firmly to my family that Im not as functional as I used to be. Theyll have to expect a little less from me now.

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My Niece Came to Visit, but She’s Upset That I’m Not Feeding Her