Im thinking of ordering purple wallpaper, said Sarahs husband.
You do realise that itll clash horribly with the flooring? Beige is a much safer bet
My mum cant stand beige, you know that.
Well, your mum does seem exceptionally fond of free home renovations, Sarah replied, not even trying to hide the grin.
The whole disaster started with her mother-in-law dropping a subtle hint the size of a double-decker bus: it would be lovely if her house could be redecorated. Sarah had quietly pretended to be deaf, but Michael, her husband, was on board before you could say DIY disaster. It was his mother, after all. Sarah was firmly against the plan but thought it best not to interfere; if Michael wanted to take it on, he could speak for himself. If anything went wrong, Sarah could always say, Told you so, with a clear conscience.
Mother-in-law wasted no time making it clear she wasnt interested in gratitude, just results. No thank you, just a to-do list as long as the Thames.
Sarah, its not a freebie, its a project from her darling son, Michael insisted.
Of course, darling. And the Queen makes her own tea.
Naturally, freebies were right up his mums street. As Sarah pointed out, if his mother didnt like something, theyd just redo it! Sarah had called it from the start. The renovations rolled to a close, and Michaels mum swept in for her dramatic inspection tour. She glanced around the freshly painted lounge and sniffed:
This simply wont do. The wallpaper isnt at all what Id pictured. And the kitchen dreadful! What are these cupboards, built for giants? Its an utter shambles. I might just have to sue.
And who would you sue exactly? Your own son, who spent his hard-earned money doing all this?
Oh, for goodness sake, Sarah. I was only joking.
Needless to say, mum wasnt exactly jumping for joy. Perhaps shed expected something straight out of an interiors magazine, but got high-street chic instead. Sure, everything was sparkling and new, just not nearly as expensive as she might have wanted. That was probably the heart of the issue. Michael and Sarah werent exactly loaded, but theyd done their best. Not a word of thanks.
Sarah, I dont think my mums keen on our makeover, Michael confided, a hint of desperation in his voice.
Really? Theres a shock! Does your mum ever like anything?
She wanted something a bit posher Maybe we shouldve splashed out?
Were not exactly rolling in it. What are we supposed to do, rob a bank?
What about a bank loan, then? piped up Mother-in-law out of nowhere.
Sarah was sure shed misheard. Was his mum actually suggesting they go into debt over her kitchen tiles?! Maybe, for the sake of a parent, you could borrow moneypay it back in time, add a few extra quid. Sarah decided this was going too far. To her relief, Michael jumped in:
Mum, we are not getting a loan, not for redoing a kitchen. Its a perfectly good renovation. What more could you want?
I could manage a new kitchen at the very least. And with that, the lady exited the room in a huff.
Michael, I think your mums lost all sense of shame, declared Sarah.
Sarah, you know what shes like. Shes not easy to please.
The local DIY shop was heaving. Sarah had a tablecloth in her hands; Michael was clutching a selection of new taps. It was clear theyd be leaving half a months salary at the till. Home improvement: never as simple as it looks on the telly.
Suddenly, Sarah had had enough.
You said we had no money left for this.
True so we had to borrow a bit.
Ive had it! Sarah tossed the tablecloth back onto the shelf.
If anyone wants it, let them have it. Weve done enough for your mum. Borrowing more is where I draw the line. Dont you dare argue!
She strode off to the exit, Michael quickly in tow. Mother or not, surely enough was enough.
