I have been married for almost 13 years. For nearly all this time, we have been living with my husband’s parents. We only moved out twice to live separately, but then they started complaining about why they needed such a big house, and we returned to them. I have a wonderful mother-in-law. We have very rarely argued.
My mother-in-law and I know that certain topics and relationships are sensitive, so we do not bring them up. We share household responsibilities: cooking, laundry, cleaning, etc. The only weak point of my mother-in-law is her control.
Up to a certain point, this didn’t bother me too much; sometimes, it was even beneficial. From her point of view, I don’t cook well enough, I have different opinions, and so on.
That’s why I preferred to work more and bring money home for food rather than cook. I thought it wasn’t worth straining our relationship because she wouldn’t be satisfied anyway—she would criticize and throw everything to the dogs. Later, I started noticing that my husband began seeking advice and talking only with his mother and brother.
I walk into the room—they are sitting together, talking, and when I appear, they fall silent until I leave. When I ask my husband what’s going on, he replies: nothing, we were just sitting as a family, talking about the past. Mom said you wouldn’t understand anyway, so there’s no point in talking to you.
I tried several times to talk to my husband about our relationship—he avoided the conversation, saying: “What is there to talk about with you? Only my mom understands me.” For the last three years, he hasn’t been working; he started drinking. I try not to irritate him, but somehow, everything I do annoys him.
His mother says I should be happy that he doesn’t drink outside (better to keep him under supervision), but I see that my husband is sinking deeper and deeper. We have a son, and I don’t want him to see his father like this. I tried talking to his mother—she seemed to agree that it was bad. But when I asked her to intervene, she told me that I was spoiled if her son didn’t suit me.
He stays at home, doesn’t go out, doesn’t cheat—what more do you want…
Recently, an unpleasant situation occurred, and for the first time in many years, I crossed a boundary that his mother never allows to be crossed. She cannot stand it when someone questions her way of doing things or defies her.
I didn’t use any vulgar words—I just called them (his mother, my husband, and his brother) the “holy trinity.” They believe they are always right about everything. This applies to all areas of life and all people.
My mother-in-law told me that she would rather I had called her a bad word than insult her that way.
She told me to pack my things and go wherever I wanted. Now I am enemy number one.
I can rent an apartment and leave with my son, but that is not a solution. I want to keep my family together. I love my husband, but he said—it’s either we live together (him and his mom) or I leave.
I apologize for the chaotic message; I just don’t know what to do. I want to keep my family, but I can’t live like this anymore.
My husband responds to everything with: “Just accept it and live quietly for the sake of peace.”
Thank you in advance for your response.
