My Mother-in-Law Offered to Help with Childcare During the Summer Since She’s Retired, and We Agreed—But Now My Husband’s Brother Drops Off His Three Unruly Kids Without Contributing Any Food or Money, Leaving Us to Cover the Costs: How Do I Address This Without Starting a Family Row?

Author Wanda MirandaReading 3 minViews 1

So, my mother-in-law offered to help out with the kids over the summer. Shes retired now and has loads of spare time, so we said yes, of course.

Both of us have work, and with three children, we dont really get the chance to take a proper holiday. Usually, we just take turns booking time off when one of the kids is poorly or theres something special on. Every now and then, if nothings happening at home, we might manage a weekend away, but thats about as far as it goes.

For the past three years, weve been tied to a 20-year mortgage. Honestly, we just got fed up with constantly moving about from one rented place to another, so we figured owning our own house, even if it meant paying higher monthly repayments, would be better for everyone. That does mean, though, that even though were working all summer, theres just no money left for a proper holiday once the mortgage is paid. Plus, you know how it isschools are out over the summer, so theres nobody around to keep an eye on the kids while were both at work. At the end of the day, at least we know that over those hot months, theyre safe, comfortable, and where they belongat home.

So, my mother-in-law piped up and offered to do a bit of childcare in the summer. Shes retired and has free time on her hands, so we said yes. When summer rolls around and we head over to my husbands mums place, we always bring along some groceries and slip her a bit of cash for treats for the kids. She never spends her own money on them, mindshe says her pension doesnt stretch very far. Usually, we hand her some money directly and, to be fair, it still works out much cheaper than hiring a nanny or anything like that. Everyone seems happy with the arrangement.

Now, my husbands brother also has three kids, and decided this year to drop them off at their nans too. His little ones are younger than ours and a real handful, so they need constant attention. Trouble was, he didnt bring any food for them or leave money behindso we ended up feeding them out of our own pile.

Its understandable to feel annoyed. Ive asked my husband loads of times to have a word with his brother, but he just shrugs it offhe hates confrontation. I cant help thinking, why should I work my socks off so someone else can let their children be looked after for free? I really dont know how best to bring it up without causing a row. What do you reckon is the easiest way to have a chat about it without ending up in an argument?

A Miracle Didn’t Happen Tanya left the hospital with her newborn son. But there was no miracle—her parents didn’t come to meet her. The spring sun was shining, she pulled her now-loose jacket tight, grabbed her bag with clothes and paperwork in one hand, adjusted her baby with the other, and started walking. She had nowhere to go. Her parents had flatly refused to let her bring the baby home—her mother demanded she give him up. But Tanya had grown up in care herself, after her own mother abandoned her, and she’d vowed never to do the same, no matter what it cost. She’d been adopted by a decent couple—not rich, often ill, but kind and indulgent, so she never really learned independence. Now, Tanya understood she was partially to blame for her son’s absent father; he’d seemed serious, promised to introduce her to his family, but when she told him she was pregnant, he’d said he wasn’t ready for nappies, left, and blocked her number. Tanya sighed. “No one’s ready—not the father, not my parents,” she thought. “But I’m ready to take responsibility.” She sat on a bench, letting the sun warm her face. Where could she go? People had said there were shelters for mothers like her, but she’d been too shy to ask about them, hoping her parents would change their minds and come. But they hadn’t. She decided to go to the countryside, to stay with her gran—she’d help out in the garden while receiving Child Benefit, and find a job later. Things would work out; grannies are usually kind. She shifted her sleepy son, pulled out her battered phone, and nearly walked in front of a car. The driver—an older, tall man—jumped out, scolding Tanya for not watching where she was going, saying she could have killed herself and the baby and left him with jail time. Tanya, frightened and teary-eyed, comforted her now-wailing son. The man calmed down and asked where she was going. Sniffling, Tanya admitted she didn’t know. “Well, hop in,” he said. “You and the little one can come to mine, get settled, and we’ll sort things out.” He introduced himself as Mr Constantine Gregory, and helped her in. At his roomy flat, he offered a bedroom for Tanya and her baby and fetched essentials, refusing any money. He quickly enlisted a friendly neighbour who was a doctor; she drew up a list and called in a visiting nurse for tomorrow. Later, Constantine Gregory confided that he’d lost his only son, Saveliy, in a tragic motorbike accident before his wedding. He’d never met his late son’s child—though he had a photo of the bride-to-be and knew she’d been expecting. “Stay here,” he urged Tanya. “You and the baby—this is your home now. I’m lonely, and would love some family around.” Tanya agreed happily—and revealed that she’s adopted from care, her birth mother leaving only a locket on her blanket. When she emerged in new clothes, Mr Constantine Gregory noticed the locket and, upon opening it with a special mechanism, discovered a lock of his late son’s hair inside. Realising that Tanya was actually his granddaughter, he joyfully embraced her and her son, refusing any DNA test—“You’re my granddaughter, and he’s my great-grandson. Case closed.” “Would you like to see photos of your parents?” he asked, his eyes shining with tears of happiness. By Sofia Corall.

My Husband Only Thinks of Himself—He Eats Absolutely Everything and Never Leaves Anything for Our Son! “Adam, where have all the bananas gone?” I ask my husband. “I ate them, I fancied some.” “Couldn’t you have left even one for our son’s tea?” “You’re just making a fuss. It’s not like the shops have run out of bananas.” “Then go and get some more.” “I’ve got a football match. How can I go?” This is how things are in our home all the time: cottage cheese, biscuits, apples—you name it. I even have to hide food, otherwise with a father like this, my little boy might end up hungry. We’ve been married for five years, and our son’s nearly two. We’ve got a mortgage, so money is tight. My husband claims he’s the breadwinner because he got us this home—although, in truth, he just sold his single-bed flat for the deposit, with my parents’ help. My mum thinks Adam is a selfish so-and-so, and honestly, I tend to agree. One day, we were preparing for a birthday party. I’m cooking for the guests and he’s constantly under my feet, emptying the plates. The worst was when he got at the cake. I’d left it on the balcony because the fridge was full. I went to fetch it, and all that was left was one decorated slice of chocolate. Imagine how embarrassed I was! This happens all the time. Sure, he works, but it’s possible to be sensible and think of others. His only excuse: “We’ll buy some more, don’t stress!” Fine, don’t think about me, but how can a father not think about his own child? Especially when we barely have enough money, and I’m counting on every bit. He can easily eat a month’s worth of food in a week. “Why are you bothering him? He’s a man, let him eat. He earns the money. Don’t whinge, just cook more,” my mother-in-law defends him. Thing is, no matter how much I cook, it’s never enough—he’ll eat everything. We can’t afford to just buy more, with the mortgage, the clothes, the bills. After all this, I told my husband that if he does it again—we’re getting divorced. We’ll split the flat and go our separate ways. He took offence, ran to his mother, and now my mother-in-law isn’t even speaking to me. But I honestly think I’m right. What do you think?

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