My Mother-in-Law Offered to Help Look After Our Children Over the Summer Since She’s Retired, But Now My Husband’s Brother Leaves His Kids With Her Too—Without Bringing Food or Money—And I Don’t Know How to Address It Without Causing a Family Row

Author Harlan CovingtonReading 3 minViews 1

My mother-in-law offered to help us look after the children during the summer holiday. Now that shes retired and has plenty of spare time, we agreed to her offer.

Both of us have jobs and three kids, but we cant really manage to take proper time off. Usually, we just coordinate our work holiday one at a time when one of the children is ill or has something important going on, only then do we try to take a day. Sometimes, if were lucky, we might escape for a weekend away if nothing is happening at home, but thats about all.

For the last three years, weve been tied into a 20-year mortgage. We were utterly worn out from constantly moving between rentals, so we finally decided that living in our own house would be best, even though it meant a higher monthly payment. Even though were both working all summer, we cant actually afford a proper holiday, simply because most of our monthly pay gets swallowed up by the mortgage. Besides, with no school during summer, there isnt anyone else to watch the children. At the very least, we know during the sweltering months, theyre safe and sound at home thats where they belong.

My mother-in-law, Judith, suggested she could keep an eye on the kids over the summer. Shes retired now, with all the free time in the world, so we accepted. When summer comes round and we take the kids over to my husbands mums place, we always bring plenty of groceries and hand her some money for the little treats the children love. Judith never spends her own money on the kids she says her pension doesnt stretch very far. Usually we just give her cash in person, which still works out far less expensive than hiring a nanny. Everyone seems content with the arrangement.

Then my husbands brother, Simon, who also has three children of his own, decided hed bring his lot over to their gran as well. But his children are younger than ours, far more mischievous, and they need constant attention. He didnt bring any food or money for them at all in fact, we had to feed all of his kids from our own pocket.

I know its perfectly natural to feel this way. So many times Ive begged my husband, James, to speak with his brother, but he never does he wont risk upsetting anyone. Why is it always down to me to work so hard just so someone else can coast through raising their own children? How do you talk to someone about this without it spiralling into a row?

My Husband’s Parents Refuse to Accept His Divorce – They Keep Trying to Reunite Him With His Ex-Wife. “Don’t You Understand, They Have a Son Together!” My Mother-in-Law Complains I am married to a man whose parents have stubbornly refused to accept the fact that their son is divorced—even though it’s been over four years since it happened. They’re constantly trying to reconcile him with his ex-wife. He and I married three years ago and we have a happy life together. My mother-in-law thinks her son acted recklessly and foolishly. She believes he must do everything possible to rebuild his relationship with his ex-wife’s family. After all, his son is still there. When I met Adam, he was already divorced. Supposedly, it was a mutual decision, and his ex-wife happily remarried. Apparently, her affair was the reason for their split. Maybe we made a mistake by getting married. My own mum insisted we wed because she got pregnant, and I wasn’t really in love—I was just dating her. “If she hadn’t been pregnant, I wouldn’t have married her,” my husband explained. I wasn’t intimidated by his ex. At first, I decided to watch him closely. I realised he really wasn’t longing for his old family; he was indifferent to his ex-wife. She wasn’t interested in him either. She remarried, and they only communicate about their son. Only my mother-in-law couldn’t stand things as they were. His father as well. They kept trying to reunite the family, and took our relationship very negatively. “You’re still young, your life is ahead of you. Why would you get involved in someone else’s family?” she asked me when we were alone. I replied that if Adam were married, I wouldn’t interfere. But right now, he’s single. My mother-in-law tried to say more but fell silent when Adam came in. At that moment I knew I’d never have a good relationship with her—but I wasn’t particularly upset. We got married and moved in together. I’ve hardly had any contact with my mother-in-law except for occasional family holidays. That’s when I have to listen to her sigh about my husband’s former family. Adam tries to hush his mum, as he isn’t happy about it either—but then it all just repeats. We’re not rushing to have children. I don’t feel ready to be a mum and my husband already has a son, which my mother-in-law is very pleased about. After the divorce, my mother-in-law stepped in—she kept inviting my husband’s ex-wife for Christmas and praised her for everything. “They made such a lovely couple…” she’d sigh. His ex-wife had nothing to do with it—she was completely indifferent, just showed up and that was that. You could feel the lack of enthusiasm. My mother-in-law even tried to make Adam jealous of his ex-wife and me jealous of him. She’d ring me asking if I knew where my husband was. If I didn’t, she assumed he was with his ex. Or she’d send him on errands to his ex. All sorts of little things. I’m not jealous, but it all gets on my nerves. If you look at Adam and his ex, it’s obvious there’s nothing between them and there never will be. But having a child together doesn’t help. My husband regularly gives his ex money, sometimes talks to his son, and brings him round for visits. His ex isn’t manipulative or greedy, and doesn’t restrict visits. She seems perfectly normal. They behave like civilised adults. It just didn’t work out, and now each has their own life and they respect each other. But my mother-in-law can’t accept that, constantly stirring up drama. When will she stop? When will she wise up? My husband hopes she’ll quiet down once I give her a grandchild, but I don’t believe it.

“Anna is Still Young, She’ll Have More Children!”—She Promised. In the End, Nobody Wanted the Child. Anna and Robert grew up together in a small English town, attending the same school. After graduation, they moved to London for university, found jobs, and rented a modest flat, living together unmarried. When Anna became pregnant, Robert left her—fatherhood wasn’t in his plans. Heartbroken, Anna returned home to raise the child. Robert’s mother, a prominent figure in their town, spread rumours that Anna’s baby had nothing to do with their family, claiming the father must be someone else. To complicate matters, both families lived in the same neighbourhood. Many friends knew the whole story. Anna gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. She held no grudge against Robert’s family, wishing only to raise her child in peace. But Robert’s mother kept telling everyone that the child was not her son’s. “Look at them!” the woman explained. “The child is blonde, while we’re all dark-haired. And that nose isn’t ours! We’re all attractive, and this child is plain—trying to worm their way into our family. They’re nothing but trouble!” Anna, exasperated, suggested a paternity test to ease Robert’s mother’s mind. The result was immediate: Robert’s mother invited Anna over to meet her granddaughter, showering the child with lavish gifts. Anna, who survived on her own mother’s pension, was grateful. Soon, the new grandmother asked to take her granddaughter for visits. Anna explained that at only a year old, the girl was too young to be away from her mother. The grandmother became upset. She then warned Anna she would take her to court to secure visitation rights, arguing the girl would be much better off with her grandmother, who had everything a child needed. The court, she claimed, would favour her; after all, everyone knew her in their town. Anna was told she was still young and could have more children, so she should “willingly give up” her daughter. Anna stood her ground, fighting to raise her own child through years of costly and stressful court battles. The little girl once rejected by her powerful family was suddenly their most cherished member. Influential relatives brought in witnesses, stalked Anna, complained, took photos—until Anna was forced to hide and move away. But eventually, things settled down. Robert remarried and had a son. His mother’s attention shifted to her new grandson. Anna’s daughter started school and Anna herself moved to London. Anna frequently travelled home to visit her mother and child. Eventually, she met someone new, and her mother encouraged her to build a life for herself, promising to care for Anna’s daughter until she was settled. Anna remarried, moved into a new apartment, and is now expecting another baby. But even with a new family, Anna hesitates to bring her daughter to London—her husband is indifferent to another man’s child. Anna decides it is better for her daughter to remain with her grandmother where she has friends and school. Besides, with a new baby on the way, no one would be able to look after her daughter in London. But Anna’s mother’s health began to fail; ambulances were called, hospital visits became routine, and Anna’s daughter was left with retired neighbours. The once-powerful grandmother lost all interest in her granddaughter. Now, when she sees Anna’s mother, she only smirks: “You should’ve listened to me! If you’d given me the girl, I’d have raised her right! By now, she’d be speaking foreign languages, playing piano, attending the best schools. Instead, her mother abandoned her. Who will she become when she grows up? Now I have my grandson to care for—he’ll get the absolute best, the finest schools, the best extracurriculars!” The father has never shown any interest in the girl. After all the bitterness and legal battles, the child nobody wanted is left with no one. No one knows what the future holds for her.