My Mother-in-Law Demanded I Call Her Mum, and I Clarified the Difference

Hey love, you have to hear what went down at our dinner the other night. My motherinlaw, Emma Thompson, told me she wants me to call her Mum and I had to set her straight.

So, Kate, why are you always saying Emma, Mum, Emma, Mum? It sounds like were at some formal council meeting, not around the family table, she snapped, pushing her tea cup aside. Crumbs from the anniversary cake were still stuck to her lips, and she looked like shed just swallowed a brick.

The room fell dead silent. At the table were Aunt Margaret from Yorkshire, my husband Andrews cousin with her whiny little toddler, and Mrs. Patel, the neighbour wed invited just for a bit of company. Andrew plunged his fork into his Olivier salad like it was the most thrilling thing in the world, pretending he was studying the ingredients. He always does that when a storm is looming he buries his head in the sand and leaves the women to sort out their ladylike affairs.

I set my fork down slowly, dabbed my lips with a napkin and stared at Emma. She sat at the head of the table, upright as a lamppost in her best sequined dress, radiating the expectation that I should bow down.

Emma, I call you by your first name and surname out of respect. Its polite and fits the way we relate to each other, I said, trying to keep my voice even.

What relationship are you talking about? she huffed. Were one family now! I gave you my son, my blood. Im a second mother to you. And you call me you, as if Im a stranger. Thats not how we do things. Look at Val, my sisters daughterinlaw she started calling her motherinlaw Mum at the wedding and theyve been inseparable ever since. And you keep this distance. Its arrogant, Kate.

My biological mum is Vera Anderson. I cant have another mum, biologically or morally. Youre my husbands mum. I respect you, I value you, but I wont call you Mum. Sorry if that hurts you, but Im not a hypocrite, I replied firmly.

Emma clutched her chest dramatically, rolled her eyes and scanned the guests for support.

You heard that? Hypocrite! Am I the one being hypocritical? I bake pies for her, give advice, and she turns her nose up! Andrew, say something! You cant insult your own mother in her own house!

Andrew flushed, swallowed and sputtered, Kate, honestly it would make her happy. Its just a word. Its a tradition, thats all.

I gave him a long, weary look the kind that says Im tired of his mums endless demands, disappointed by his spinelessness, and warning him that Im not giving in this time.

For me its not just a word, Andrew. Mum is someone who carried me, gave birth to me, stayed up with me when I was sick, loves me unconditionally. Emma is a wonderful lady, but she isnt my mum. Lets drop this and not ruin the celebration. Who wants more cake?

The dinner was a disaster. Everyone slipped out early, the tension hanging thick in the air. Emma, escorting them to the hall, whispered loudly to the neighbour that todays daughtersinlaw have lost all sense of gratitude.

Later I was at the sink, scrubbing dishes with a fierce grip. Im thirty, an architect, pretty independent, but around Emma I sometimes feel like a naughty schoolgirl caught out. Shes a master of passive aggression never shouts outright, but her concern cuts like a knife.

The next day I hoped the incident was behind us, but Id only seen the first wave of her siege.

Saturday morning, while Andrew and I were trying to sleep in after a brutal work week, there was a knock at the door persistent, the kind that doesnt let go of the button.

There stood Emma, wheeling a massive trolley bag.

Still asleep? she chirped, rolling in without waiting for an invitation. I was at the market, grabbed some fresh cottage cheese. Thought Id swing by and make some scones for the kids. Youre probably too busy with work and Andrews career to cook, right?

I was still in my pyjamas, hair a mess, and I sighed, Good morning, Emma. Were not hungry and we had plans.

What plans could beat a hot breakfast from mum? she exclaimed, already clanging pots. Andrew! Get up, son! Mums here!

Over the scones honestly the best Ive ever tasted Andrew smiled blissfully while Emma launched round two.

See, Kate? Thats how I care for you. Up at six, trekked to the market, lugged this bag. My back aches, my legs scream, but Im still here. Would a stranger do that? Only a mum. Is that why you find it hard to call me mum? Your tongues stuck?

I set my fork down. Thanks for the breakfast, Emma, but care isnt bought in scones, and Mum isnt a title you earn by delivering cottage cheese.

What else does it take then? she squinted. Being the one who held you in the delivery room? I took Andrew, so were family now. I want a cosy, proper family life. Youre cold as a fish. I even called Vera yesterday, told her how youre behaving.

Why did you call my mum? I asked, tension rising.

To complain about you, hoping shed intervene. She told me, Kate is an adult, she decides for herself. Thats parenting for you all indulgence.

No more complaints to my mum, please, I said icy. She has hypertension; she cant be stressed.

And me? No pressure? My hearts fine, isnt it? Im doing this for you with all my heart!

Andrew rushed in, Mum, dont start. Kate appreciates it, she just needs time to get used to you.

Its been three years already! Emma snapped. Fine, if you dont want a proper relationship, Ill just keep coming, helping, until you realise who really wishes you well.

From that day Emmas visits became regular. Shed pop in to check if Andrew had clean shirts, rearrange pots because thats easier, critique the curtains, the wall colour, even the brand of washing powder, always adding, Mum never gives bad advice.

I tried to be polite but set boundaries where I could. I didnt hand over a spare key (though she begged for one in case of fire), I kept my finances to myself. The tension kept building.

The climax hit in November. I came down with a brutal flu fever near forty, body aches, sheer weakness. Andrew was on a business trip in Manchester and wouldnt be back until Friday.

I was alone, shivering in bed, terrified. I called my own mum, Vera, but she was still in hospital after a hypertensive crisis, so I pretended it was just a cold.

Wednesday afternoon, a key rattled in the hall. Andrew had left a spare for his mum to water the plants if his trip ran long. Id completely forgotten about it.

The hallway burst with the sound of bags and Emmas booming voice: Anyone alive in here? Andrew called, said youre a wreck. Im here to save the day.

I managed to lift my head. Emma dont come in Im contagious

She stormed into the bedroom without shedding her coat, eyes scanning the mess halfempty tea mugs, pill packets, crumpled tissues. The room felt suffocating.

What a scene! Even a lumberjack would be proud of this chaos. You should be sick with style, Kate, she shouted. She flung the window open, icy November air slapping my fevered face.

Please close it Im chilled, I whispered, pulling the blanket tighter.

Fresh air to chase the germs. Ive brought broth. Get up, go to the kitchen. You cant stay in bed forever, she insisted.

I cant stand. My heads spinning.

Dont make excuses. Movement is life. Ive trekked the whole city for you, you know.

She barreled into the kitchen, pots clanging. I shuffled to the bathroom, then back to the kitchen, just hoping for a cup of tea.

Instead, Emma dumped her bags, started inspecting the fridge. Oh dear, a mouse! Sausages, expired yoghurts What did you feed Andrew before you left? Poor lad, hell get gastritis if this continues.

Emma, Im miserable, can I just have some water? I asked, collapsing onto a chair.

Water? Youll have to pour it yourself. Look at your stovetop, grease everywhere. While youre ill Ill do a deep clean cant have guests thinking Im a bad housekeeper, she said, spraying everything with a harsh cleaning fluid. The smell of bleach mixed with my fever, making me want to vomit.

Please, no cleaning. I need peace. Go away, I pleaded.

Thats it! Im a mother, Im here to help! I didnt even check my own blood pressure before I started this, she muttered, arms folded. A little gratitude would be nice.

Thank you, I whispered, but I just need my medicine. Did you get what Andrew asked for?

Oh dear, the shopping list I forgot. But I bought beetroot! Ill make borscht. You can chop the veg, Ill boil the broth, she said, smiling as if shed solved everything.

My temperature was thirtynine, and I stared at her. You want me to chop beetroot at this temperature?

Exactly. Working hands heal the soul, she replied.

Just then my phone rang. It was Vera. Kate, love, how are you? Im on my way up the stairs, cant stay in the hospital with you.

Within five minutes Vera burst in, pale but determined. She rushed to my side, pressed a cool cloth to my forehead, gasped, Youre burning up! We need an ambulance if this gets worse.

She skilfully helped me back to bed, fetched a damp towel, and produced the meds from a bag shed grabbed on the way, along with a thermos of cranberry juice and a jar of chicken broth.

Emma lingered in the doorway, lips pursed. Im actually helping here, doing the cleaning, making borscht, while you

Vera turned to her, voice calm but steeltoned, Emma, look at Kate. She needs rest and quiet, not a cleaning marathon. She needs fluids and sleep, not your beetroot.

Emma sputtered, I was trying to help, like a mum would!

Vera shrugged, A mum would hold her hand, not force her to stand.

I, feeling a little steadier after the fever reducer, sat up on my elbows. Anger that had been building for a month finally found its outlet.

Emma, come here, please, I said loudly.

She raised an eyebrow but stepped in.

Listen up. For six months youve demanded I call you Mum. You manipulate, complain to everyone, and today you proved exactly why Ill never call you that, I said, voice shaking but firm.

Why? I brought groceries she pouted.

Because Mum isnt a grocery list or a cleaning schedule. Look at my real mum she walked out of the hospital just to give me water and a blanket. She never asks me to chop beetroot when Im feverish, never criticises my greasy pan while Im dying. She just loves and cares, no demands, no drama. You came here to assert yourself, to play housekeeper, to poke me with your nose. You forced me to get up, knowing I was sick, because your pride mattered more than my health, I said, feeling Veras hand squeeze mine.

The room fell silent, only Emmas heavy breathing breaking it. She turned pink, then pale. Her confidence cracked.

I I just wanted to cheer you up a bit of a a method, she muttered.

Leave, Emma. Take your beetroot and go. Put the spare key back on the hall table and dont come without an invitation. I respect you as Andrews mother, but in my home and my heart the place of Mum belongs to the woman whos nursing me right now, I said, my voice softening a touch.

Emma stared at Vera, who was gently dabbing my forehead, oblivious to the drama. The love in Veras eyes made Emmas cheeks burn with shame, maybe even a hint of envy. She gathered her things, slipped out, the key clinking on the hall table as she closed the door.

Vera sighed, adjusted the pillow, There, dear. Rest now. Ill stay a bit.

I drifted off, dreaming of my mum carrying me across a wide field, shielding me from the wind.

Andrew returned Friday. The flat smelled of chicken broth and medicine, the house was tidy, and I was slowly getting better. Vera went home after making sure Andrew was back on watch.

That evening, over tea, Andrew asked cautiously, Mum called she was crying. She said I kicked her out, that I called her a stranger. What happened?

I looked at him, calm now. I didnt kick her out, I set things straight. I explained the difference between a mum and a motherinlaw. When I was really ill, your mum wanted me to clean beetroot, while my mum brought medicine. Thats the point.

He sat quietly, swirling his cup. Shes a tricky one, I know. She loves me.

Thats the thing. She loves you, not me. I dont have to love her, just respect her. Weve taken her key, so no more surprise visits. If she wants to come, shell call first, and well keep the call me mum thing closed for good. Ill stick to Emma Thompson.

He pulled me into a hug, Im sorry, Kate. I should have defended you. Youve got a real mum, and Emma can just be the grandmother of any future kids, as long as she stops making us clean potatoes in their teens.

We laughed, finally feeling light.

Six months later, things with Emma are cordial but distant. She only shows up when invited, brings a pie, sits politely, and chats about the weather and her garden.

At a family gathering, Aunt Margaret, still from Yorkshire, teased, Oh Kate, why do you still call your motherinlaw by name and title? Isnt she family?

Emma straightened, looked at me, then at Margaret, and said, Im not claiming anything. Kates wonderful mum is Vera Anderson. Im Emma Thompson. We each have our role, and theres no point mixing them up. Respect is what matters, right, Kat?

I smiled, Exactly, Emma. Absolutely right.

And in that moment, calling my motherinlaw by name and surname felt warmer than any forced Mum ever could, because honesty underpins any relationship. The word Mum is too precious to be tossed around for politeness it should only belong to someone whose love is selfless, not to a trolley full of cottage cheese and a need to control a life.

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My Mother-in-Law Demanded I Call Her Mum, and I Clarified the Difference