Im married to a man whose parents simply refuse to accept that their sons divorce is a done dealeven though its been over four years now. His mother and father are endlessly scheming to bring the old family back together. Adam and I have been married for three years. We’re happy together. But my mother-in-law clings to the idea that Adam made a rash, foolish mistakeand insists he should do everything possible to rebuild his relationship with his ex-wifes family. After all, their child is still there.
When I met Adam, he was already divorced. They claimed it was all mutual; shed moved on, happily remarried. Apparently, shed already been seeing someone else near the end.
Sometimes I wonder was marrying him a mistake? My own mum pushed us toward marriage. Adams ex had fallen pregnant, and Adam confessed he never really loved herhe just dated her for a time. If she hadnt been pregnant, I never would have married her,” he once told me quietly.
But I was never intimidated by his ex-wife. At first, I made it a point to really study him. I realised he felt nothing for his old lifehe was completely detached from his ex. She was just as unmoved by him. Their only link was their son, and they only communicated about him.
Only Adams mother truly couldnt bear it. Nor could his father. They made repeated attempts to bring Adam and his ex back together and looked down their noses at me and Adams relationship.
Youre still youngyour whole lifes ahead of you. Why get mixed up in another womans family? she asked one evening when we were alone.
I told her plainly that if Adam had been married still, Id have stayed clear. But he wasnt: he was a single man. She started to say more, but Adam entered the room, and she fell silent. Right then, I knew there would never be warmth between us. I didnt lose sleep over it.
After the wedding, Adam and I set up our own home. We mostly steered clear of his mother, apart from the odd family holiday. During these rare occasions, my mother-in-law would moan endlessly about Adams ex. Adam tried to hush her, clearly embarrassed, but the whole dance would repeat itself every time.
We arent rushing to have children. I cant see myself as a mother, and Adam already has a son. His mother is delighted about that. In some odd way, she accepted the divorce, but then began inviting Adams ex to Christmas, sighing about how perfect theyd once been. She found any excuse to sing her praises.
But the ex-wife has no interest whatsoevershes indifferent to it all. She only shows up, and thats it. Her detachment is almost tangible.
My mother-in-law tried to make Adam jealous of his ex, tried to play me off against himcalling me to ask where he was, and assuming that if I didnt know, he must be with his ex. Sometimes shed try to nudge him to visit her. These little games never stopped.
I have no jealousy in me, but these constant schemes wore at my patience. Anyone seeing Adam and his ex from the outside could tell theres nothing unfinished between them. Still, sharing a child does make things more complicated. Adam sends maintenance money to his ex regularly, speaks with his son now and then, and has him over for visits. His ex never creates drama, never asks for more money, never blocks contact. She seems sensible and reasonable to me. They behave with decency. They tried, it didnt worknow theyve moved on, and theres some mutual respect.
But my mother-in-law just doesnt see it. She keeps plotting, unable to let go. When will she let go? When will she learn? Adam clings to the hope that things will calm down if I ever give her a grandchild, but I doubt that very much.
