My husbands cousin came to visit.
Perhaps Im a bit old-fashioned, and maybe things have changed nowadays, but somehow, I cant quite believe its just me who feels this way.
My mum never sat me down and said, If youre going to visit family, make sure you bring gifts She never formally taught me that habit. Yet its something Ive always understood instinctively, as plain as two and two makes four. I cant say exactly where it comes frommaybe I picked it up from novels, films, or plays.
This Saturday, my husbands cousin turned up at ours. He was down because of his uncles funeral, although it wasnt anyone on our side of the family.
He rang ahead and asked if wed mind putting them up for the night, and we agreed, assuring them it was no trouble at all.
That evening, the three of themhis cousin, the cousins son, and daughter-in-lawarrived. I put together a proper meal: cooked up a roast, prepared a heap of vegetables, the lot. We sat down with a glass to toast seeing each other again, as it had been so long. Later, I sorted out the bedding and made sure everyone was settled in for the night. The next morning, I made tea, coffee, a spread of sandwichesall the usual.
Afterwards, they went off to the funeral. When they got back, we had a bit of a natter, and then they set off for home.
By all accounts, everything seemed fine. But the thing that struck me was they arrived completely empty-handednot so much as a bottle of wine.
Now, my late father-in-lawGod rest his soulwas the cousins godfather, and his wife, my mother-in-law, lives with us now, something the cousin very well knew. Were not hard up by any means, but a little box of chocolates for the old woman would have been thoughtful. Shed been waiting by the window all Saturday, watching for them. She was so moved, she shed a tear.
If it were me, I know what Id have done.
First off, Id bring a few bottles, not just the odd one. The children and the elderly would get sweets, and Id make sure everyone got some small memento. Id really consider what gifts to bring for each.
And of course, Id have brought my own bed linen, so as not to be a bother to anyone.
These arent people struggling to get byif they were, I honestly wouldnt mind at all. But this cousin visits rarely, and whenever he does, he brings absolutely nothing. Its not just once; I remember another time when he was sent here on business and stayed with us overnight. Again, came and went without a single thing in hand.
He spent the whole visit regaling me with stories about fishinghow many, what kind. I half wished hed have brought me even just one fish.
Its not the food I mind sharing when I host peoplenever has been. The truth is, I just end up feeling used.
Its been the same every time.
If nothing else, Ive learned that not everyone shares the same sense of manners or thoughtfulness. I can only continue to do what I believe is right, and I mustnt expect others to live up to my standardsthough I do wish just once they would.
