My husbands cousin came for a visit.
Maybe Im a bit old-fashioned, perhaps things are different now, but I just cant bring myself to believe its really changed.
My mother never actually told me, When you visit family, always take a gift,thats not something she explicitly taught me. But somewhere along the way, it became second nature, as obvious as two plus two. I cant say exactly where it came fromperhaps I picked it up from books, films, or perhaps from the theatre.
On Saturday, my husbands cousin arrived. He had come down because there was a funeral for his unclenot someone from our side of the family.
He rang beforehand, and we told them not to worry, they could stay with us for the night.
That evening, three of them turned up: him, his son, and his daughter-in-law. I cooked a proper dinner, roasted a tray of meat, made saladsthe works. We sat down and raised a glass to seeing each other again after such a long time. Later, I got their beds ready, and the next morning prepared breakfastsandwiches, tea, coffee.
Then they went off to the funeral. When they returned, they sat for a bit, and then set off home.
It all seemed fine, yet they turned up completely empty-handed. Not even a bottle of wine as a gesture.
My husbands dadlong gone nowwas the godfather of this cousin. The cousin knows very well that my mother-in-law now lives with us. He could have at least brought her a box of chocolates. She waited all Saturday, gazing hopefully out the window, and even wiped away a tear, she was so moved.
If it were me, I know Id have done things differently.
First, I wouldve brought some winecertainly more than a bottle or two. Id make sure the children and the older folks had some treats, perhaps a little something to remember us by. Id have put some thought into what gifts to bring for everyone.
And Id have turned up with my own bedding, just to avoid making things harder for my hosts.
Theyre not hard up, mind youif they were, I wouldnt think twice about it. The cousin only visits every so often, yet each time arrives with nothing in hand. On another occasion, he was here on businesscame on a Sunday night, left the next morning, and again, turned up with nothing.
He spent his time telling me stories about fishingwhat, how many, and what theyd caught. Part of me just wished hed gifted me even one fish.
Its not the food I mind sharing when people come round; its that Im left feeling rather used.
And truth be told, thats how its always been.
If theres one thing Ive learned, its that a small gesture of thoughtfulness goes a long way. Sometimes, its not about the grand gifts or expensive things. Its the simple act of considering others that makes all the differenceit turns a visit into a fond memory, rather than just another stay.
