My Husband Works, But I Pay for Everything: How My Independence Led Me to Carry the Financial Burden in My Marriage and What I’m Supposed to Do Now

Author Walton MerrittReading 3 minViews 3

My husband works, but I pay for everything.

You ask how I ended up at this stage of my life and how I allowed something like this to happen, but Ill tell you women who love can be blind. I was blind. All my life, I tried, I learned. My mother told me from the time I was a child that if I wanted a good life, Id have to work hard. She also said that a woman should be strong and independent so that if things go wrong, she can support herself.

Apparently, that last lesson played a cruel trick on me. When I was dating men, I was too independent, and not many wanted to go out with me. Back then, most men wanted a gentle woman whom they could look after and show off their strength, their masculinity. But I always looked after myself.

Eventually, I started focusing solely on my career. I remained single until I reached 35, when I met David. Hes the same age as me. What surprised me was that he accepted my independence. That is, he never insisted on helping me with things if I said Id do it myself. He never bought me flowers or whispered sweet meaningless words in my ear, which I have no patience for. With him, I was an equal partner. I should have known what this so-called equality would really cost me because in truth, it wasnt even equal.

We got married and he moved into my flat. David didnt have his own place he lived with his mother. I didnt want to live with my mother-in-law; Id heard enough stories to know that wouldnt suit me. For the first month, David didnt give me any of his wages, saying he had to pay off a small loan hed taken for his mums operation.

I didnt say anything I was understanding. Were family, I thought; let him pay off the loan, then well work through things together. But seven months later, he was still repaying it. He kept saying that his pay was too low, his hours had been cut, or something else. All the while, I paid for food, outings, and the bills. Then he started telling me that he was saving to buy us a house in the countryside. For instance, for holidays.

But for five years, he never showed me any bank statement. Were family, arent we? Finally, I had enough and confronted him. How could it be that Id supported him for five years? This isnt normal. He packed his things and went back to his mums place. Just like that. Three days later, unable to bear it, I brought him home again. And it was the same cycle. He wont give me a penny towards anything. Im utterly exhausted. Id love to spend money on the little luxuries women enjoy, but I simply dont have a spare pound every bit goes on the family. What should I do? Get a divorce? Will he ever change?

When He Got Home from Work, the Cat Was Gone Patrick was a modest young man with no bad habits. On his 25th birthday, his parents gave him a flat in London—not directly, but by helping him with the deposit for his mortgage. And so, Patrick began to live on his own. He worked as a software developer, preferred a quiet life, and had little contact with others. To escape the loneliness, he adopted a kitten. The kitten had a defect with its front paws. The people who owned the kitten’s mother planned to put it down, but Patrick felt sorry for the little one and brought him home. He called him Handsome. They settled into a happy routine—Patrick hurrying home from work to Handsome, who would wait on the doormat in the hallway. After some time, Patrick started dating a smart, lively colleague named Mary, who quickly charmed him and moved in less than a month later. Mary instantly disliked Handsome and asked Patrick to get rid of the cat, but he refused, explaining that Handsome meant a lot to him. Mary didn’t give up, repeatedly urging Patrick to send the cat away. Eventually, he told her Handsome was staying. Mary argued the cat ruined their image, complaining that guests were disgusted by his paws. Patrick felt torn between Mary and Handsome, loving both of them. Incidentally, Patrick’s parents didn’t approve of his choice. They found Mary rude and bossy, and advised their son not to rush into anything official, suggesting he take his time. When Mary’s parents visited, Patrick realised he didn’t want to spend his life with her. Her father laughed at Handsome as soon as he saw him, calling him a freak. Patrick defended his cat, but Mary and her father spent the evening mocking Handsome’s appearance and suggesting places to “get rid” of him. Mary’s mother joined in the laughter. The next day, when Patrick returned from work, Handsome was gone. When he asked Mary where the cat was, she calmly said she’d taken him to the vet’s and left him there. Patrick frantically searched for Handsome for five hours… and found him. The little cat purred softly in Patrick’s arms, happy his owner had come for him. Upon returning home, Patrick told Mary to pack her things and move out. He never wanted to see her again. She had become utterly repulsive to him. The next morning, Mary quietly packed up and left, offended—never expecting that a cat would be more important than her. Now Handsome and Patrick live together, and the cat still greets his owner happily after work.

06

Stole My Father – Mum, I’ve moved in! Can you believe it, finally! Oksana balanced her phone against her shoulder, fiddling with the stubborn lock. The key turned with effort, as if testing its new owner’s mettle. – Darling, thank goodness! How’s the flat? Everything okay? – her mother’s voice buzzed with excitement and nerves. – Perfect! Bright, airy. East-facing balcony, just like I wanted. Is Dad there? – Right here! – Viktor’s deep voice chimed in on speaker. – So, the chick has flown the nest? – Dad, I’m twenty-five! Not such a chick anymore. – You’ll always be my chick. Checked the locks? Windows sealed? Radiators… – Viktor, let her settle in! – interrupted Mum. – Oksana, be careful, love. It’s a new building, you never know your neighbours. Oksana laughed, finally conquering the lock and pushing the door open. – Mum, this place isn’t some dodgy 70s flat. It’s a nice building with decent people. I’ll be fine. The next few weeks blurred into a marathon between DIY shops, furniture outlets, and her new flat. Oksana fell asleep with wallpaper catalogues on her pillow and woke up pondering grout colours for the bathroom tiles. On Saturday, she stood in the middle of the living room, eyeing curtain swatches, when her phone buzzed again. – How’s it all coming along? – Dad wanted to know. – Slow but sure. Today it’s curtains. Torn between ‘ivory’ and ‘baked milk’. Opinions? – I reckon they’re the same colour with different salesmen. – Dad, you just don’t get shades! – But I do get electrics. Sockets all sorted? Renovation devoured her time, money and nerves; but each detail transformed the bare walls into a real home. Oksana chose the cream-beige wallpaper for her bedroom, found her own laminate floor layer, and figured out how to arrange furniture so her tiny kitchen felt roomy. When the last worker cleared away the builder’s rubbish, Oksana sat on the gleaming living room floor. Warm light filtered through the new curtains, mingling with the scent of paint and fresh air. Her very first real home. She met her neighbour three days after moving in. Oksana was fiddling with the door when a lock clicked across the hall. – Oh, you’re the new girl! – A woman in her early thirties popped out, sporting a pixie cut, bright lipstick and curious eyes. – I’m Alice. Live right opposite, so we’re neighbours now. – Oksana. Nice to meet you! – Pop round for sugar, salt, or a chat anytime. It’s weird at first in a new build—I remember! Alice turned out to be great company. They had tea in Oksana’s kitchen, swapping stories about their management company and the quirks of the building’s layout. Alice had all the tips: the best broadband, the go-to handyman, the shop with the freshest groceries. – I’ve got a recipe for apple crumble—honestly, it’s out of this world! – Alice scrolled through her phone. – I’ll send it over now. Only half an hour and tastes like you’ve been baking all day. – Oh, yes please! I haven’t even tested the oven yet. Days melted into weeks, and Oksana was glad Alice lived nearby. They chatted on the landing, sometimes shared coffee, swapped books. On Saturday, Viktor dropped by to help with a shelf that refused to stay up. – Wrong wall plugs, – Dad diagnosed, inspecting the fittings. – These are for drywall; this is concrete. Never mind, I’ve got the right ones in the car. An hour later, the shelf was secure. Viktor packed his tools, surveyed his handiwork, and nodded in approval. – That’ll hold for twenty years! – You’re the best! – Oksana hugged him. They headed down the stairs, chatting about her job and her scatter-brained new manager. Outside, Alice appeared with supermarket bags. – Hi there! – Oksana waved. – Meet my dad, Viktor. Dad, this is Alice, the neighbour I mentioned. – Pleasure, – Viktor greeted her with his trademark warm grin. Alice froze briefly, scanning Viktor’s face and then Oksana’s. Her smile turned strange, as if pasted on. – Likewise, – she said curtly and hurried into the block. Everything changed after that meeting. The next morning, Oksana bumped into Alice and cheerfully greeted her, but got only a frosty nod. Two days later, she invited Alice over for tea—Alice mumbled about being busy and dashed off. Then the complaints started… The local bobby knocked at her door at nine one night. – We’ve had reports of noise nuisance – loud music, banging about. – Music? – Oksana blinked. – I was reading! – Well, the neighbours are complaining… Complaints poured in: the management company received letters about ‘unbearable stomping’, ‘constant racket’, ‘blaring music at night’. The police visited regularly, always apologising. Oksana knew the source, but not the reason. Mornings became a lottery—what now? Eggshells smeared on her door? Coffee grounds packed between the frame and panel? A bag of potato peelings tucked under the mat? Oksana started rising thirty minutes early to clean up before work. Her hands stung from cleaning, a lump in her throat stuck fast. – This can’t go on, – she muttered one evening, researching video peepholes. It took twenty minutes to fit. A tiny camera, hidden in a normal-looking peephole, streamed everything to her mobile. Oksana waited. She didn’t wait long. At three in the morning, her phone lit up—motion detected. Oksana stared as Alice, in dressing gown and slippers, meticulously smeared some dark substance over her door, as if performing a well-practised chore. The next night, Oksana sat up in her hallway, alert to every sound. Just after half-past two, something rustled outside. She yanked the door open. Alice froze, clutching a bag; inside, something squelched unpleasantly. – What did I ever do to you? – Oksana was startled by how sad her own voice sounded. – Why are you treating me this way? Alice slowly lowered her bag. Her face twisted, handsome features blurring with old anger. – You? You did nothing. But your dear dad… – What’s my dad got to do with it? – Because he’s my dad too! – Alice actually shouted, forgetting the neighbours. – Only he raised you, pampered you, but abandoned me at three! Not a penny in child support, never a call! Mum and I barely got by while he built a happy family with your mum! So you, really, you stole my father! Oksana retreated, bumping into the doorframe. – You’re lying… – Am I? Ask him yourself! Ask if he remembers Marina Solovyova and the daughter Alice he dumped like rubbish! Oksana slammed the door and slid down to the floor in shock. One thought hammering: it can’t be true. Dad would never. Never. In the morning, she went to her parents. All the way, she rehearsed the question, but when she saw her father—calm, reading his newspaper—the words caught in her throat. – Oksana! What a surprise! – Viktor looked up. – Mum’s just nipped out, back soon. – Dad, I need to ask you something… – Oksana sat on the sofa, twisting her bag strap. – Do you know a woman named Marina Solovyova? Viktor froze. The newspaper slipped from his hand and landed on the floor. – How do you… – Her daughter is my neighbour—the Alice I introduced you to. She says you’re her father. Silence dragged. – We need to go see her, – said Viktor, suddenly resolute. – Right now. I have to put this right. The drive to the flats took forty minutes. They didn’t speak. Oksana watched the buildings blur past, trying to piece her shattered world together. Alice opened the door straight away, as if she’d been waiting. She gave them both a heavy look, but stepped aside. – Come to confess? – she sneered at Viktor. – After thirty years? – Come to explain. – Viktor pulled out a folded paper from his jacket. – Read this. Alice took it warily. As she read, her face changed—from fury to confusion, confusion to uncertainty. – This… what? – DNA test result, – Viktor replied calmly. – I did it when your mum went to court for maintenance. It showed I’m not your father. Marina cheated. You’re not my daughter. The paper slipped from Alice’s hand… Oksana and her father left the neighbour’s flat. Back home, Oksana moved to her dad, hugging him tightly. – I’m sorry, Dad. Sorry I believed her. Viktor stroked her hair, just like he used to when she fell out with friends as a child. – You’ve got nothing to be sorry for, love. Some things are never really our fault. After that, things weren’t the same with Alice. But Oksana didn’t want them to be. After those cruel tricks, any respect for her neighbour was gone forever.

06

Do I Remember? Impossible to Forget! “Polly, we need to talk… So, do you remember my illegitimate daughter, Annie?” My husband spoke in riddles—always a bad sign. “Hmm… Do I remember? I could never forget! Why?” I sat down, bracing myself for trouble. “I hardly know how to tell you… Annie is begging us to take in her daughter—my granddaughter,” he mumbled, not meeting my eyes. “Oh, and why exactly, Alex? Where’s Annie’s husband? Run off, has he?” I was intrigued in spite of myself. “You see, Annie doesn’t have long to live. There’s never been a husband. Her mother moved abroad ages ago—remarried to an American. They haven’t spoken in years. Annie’s alone. That’s why she’s turning to us,” Alex shuffled his feet, looking embarrassed. “So? What do you plan to do?” I’d already made up my own mind. “I’m asking you, Polly. Whatever you say, that’s what I’ll do,” Alex finally looked at me. “How convenient. You made your mistakes, Alex, and now you want me to take responsibility for someone else’s child?” My husband’s helplessness infuriated me. “Polly, we’re a family. We have to decide together,” Alex tried to plead his case. “Oh, now you remember I’m your wife! Where was this ‘togetherness’ when you were sleeping with that girl?” Tears welled up and I fled the room. …Back at school, I was seeing my classmate Victor when Alex transferred in. I was smitten from the start. I quickly broke it off with Victor. When Alex noticed me, he started walking me home, giving me stolen flowers, and soon enough—we ended up in bed. I was completely in love. We finished school, and Alex was called up for military service in another city. We exchanged letters for a year before he came home on leave. I was so excited I could hardly contain myself. Alex swore up and down that he’d marry me as soon as he returned for good. After those words, I melted every time he looked at me—it was true love. But six months later, a letter arrived: Alex had met “his true love” at the army base and wouldn’t be coming back. And there I was—pregnant, alone, abandoned at the altar. As my grandmother used to say: “Don’t count your chickens before they hatch.” …When my son, John, was born, Victor, my old classmate, came back into my life and offered to help. Out of desperation, I accepted. Our relationship turned romantic, but I never forgot Alex. Then, suddenly, he reappeared. Victor answered the door. Alex looked surprised to see him but wanted to come in. Victor reluctantly agreed. John, sensing something was up, clung to Victor for dear life, but I sent them out for a walk. “Were you married to him?” Alex asked jealously. “Why do you care? What do you want?” I snapped. “I missed you. But I see you have a family now. I’ll go,” Alex started to leave. “Wait, Alex. Tell me honestly—why are you here?” I tried to hold him back. My feelings were still there. “I came back for you, Polly. Will you take me back?” Alex looked hopeful. “Come on in—we’re about to eat,” I replied, my heart pounding. He was back. And that was all that mattered. Victor was sent packing once and for all. My John would have his real father, not a stepdad. Later, Victor married a lovely woman with two children of her own. …Over the years, Alex never really took to John—he assumed he wasn’t his own. Alex’s heart never warmed to him. To tell the truth, Alex was a hopeless philanderer, always swept up in new affairs. He cheated on me left and right—with friends, acquaintances, anyone. I wept, but I never stopped loving him. Oddly, loving him made life easier for me. The one who loves is always the happiest. I never had to lie or pretend, I just loved. He was my sun. Sometimes I wanted to leave, but each night I told myself: Where would I go? No one would ever replace him, and Alex would be lost without me. I was his lover, wife, and mother rolled into one. …Alex lost his own mother at fourteen—she died in her sleep. Maybe that’s why he searched for affection elsewhere. I forgave everything, always. Once, our rows were so fierce that I kicked him out. He left to stay with family. A month later, long after I’d forgotten the argument, Alex still hadn’t returned. I had no choice but to visit his aunt. “Polly, why do you want him back? He said you’d divorced, he’s got a new girlfriend now,” she told me. From Alex’s aunt, I got the address, and went to see the new woman. “Good afternoon! Is Alex in?” I smiled as politely as I could. She gave me a smug look and slammed the door in my face. I walked away in silence. …A year later, Alex came back. The “new woman” had had a daughter, Annie. I’ve always blamed myself for kicking him out—all that followed would never have happened otherwise. From that moment on, I loved Alex even more fiercely, hoping to keep our family together. Alex and I never spoke of his illegitimate daughter, Annie. The very thought threatened to topple our fragile peace. Safer to keep the lid on. A child with some other woman? Stranger things have happened. But why do women always prey on other people’s husbands? That’s how life went on. Over the years, Alex settled down. The flings stopped. He spent his evenings at home, watching TV. Our son John married young and gave us three beautiful grandchildren. And now? All these years later, Annie has reappeared, asking us to take in her little girl. You have to wonder—how do you explain to John the arrival of a half-sister’s daughter? He knows nothing of his father’s wild youth. …Of course, we became legal guardians to five-year-old Alice. Annie died at thirty, her time cut short. Life goes on anyway. Alex sat John down “man to man” and confessed. Our son listened and concluded: “Whatever happened is in the past. I’m not here to judge. We have to take in the girl. She’s family.” Alex and I breathed easier. We raised a good boy, one with a heart. …Now Alice is sixteen. She adores Grandpa Alex, shares all her secrets with him, calls me “Nan” and swears she looks just like I did at her age. I agree wholeheartedly…

05

📌 Useful Social Services & Contacts in the U.S.

Stay informed and get help when you need it. Below are key national services with direct contacts that may support you or your loved ones:
🏥 Health & Mental Support

SAMHSA – Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration

What they do: Free and confidential help with substance use and mental health disorders.

Hotline: 1-800-662-HELP (4357) – 24/7, anonymous support

Website: samhsa.gov

🧒 Support for Children & Families

WIC – Women, Infants, and Children Program

What they do: Nutritional and healthcare support for pregnant women, new mothers, and young children.

Federal Info Line: 1-800-522-5006

Find local WIC office: fns.usda.gov/wic

My Husband Works, But I Pay for Everything: How My Independence Led Me to Carry the Financial Burden in My Marriage and What I’m Supposed to Do Now