My wife suggested we give up our bedroom to her parents for the entire Christmas holiday, and that we sleep on the floor.
You do understand my fathers back is in a terrible state, dont you? Theres absolutely no way he could manage on the sofa, hed never be able to straighten up again. And my mumwell, she barely sleeps as it is, she needs peace and absolute darkness, and the lamp outside the living room window shines right in her eyes. Well get by on the floor for a week, wont we? Were hardly made of glass.
Rebecca froze, ladle in hand, completely forgetting shed been pouring soup. The broth dribbled back into the pot as my words crept into her consciousness like cold treacle. She slowly turned towards me, sitting at the kitchen table and rather studiously focusing on the pattern of the plastic tablecloth instead of her face.
Hang on, Tim, let me see if Ive got this right. Your parents are coming here for the entire Christmas breakfrom the 23rd till New Years Day. We discussed this. Now youre suggesting surrendering our bedroom to them, letting them have our bedthe one with the top-of-the-range orthopaedic mattress we spent ages choosing (and cost an arm and a leg), and we take up residence in the living room?
Yeah, I finally lifted my eyes. Guilt and stubbornness warred in my gaze. Whats the big deal? Theyre my parents. Hospitality, respect for your elders and all that. I cant make Dad sleep on the folding sofa; the springs stick out of it.
That sofa is impossible to sleep onbelieve me, Ive tried, Rebecca nodded. Which is why we dont. But I think youve forgotten something. Ive got a dodgy back too. My historical car accident, remember? And unlike your parents, I have to be at work bright and early in the New Year, balancing end-of-year accounts.
Oh, Becca, dont start… I winced, like someone with toothache. Ive sorted it. We wont even open the sofa bed. My mate Daves lent me his double air mattress. Nice and high, practically a bed. Well put it on the living room floorromantic, like camping in the old days!
Romantic? At thirty-eight, on the floor? Rebecca set the ladle gently on the worktop, irritation simmering inside. Tim, this isnt a festival campsite, its my home. Our bedroom is my one sanctuary. Your mum wakes at six and starts clattering pans. If were sleeping in the loungeopen-plan to the kitchen, I remind youwell be dragged out of bed every morning with her.
Ill ask her to keep quiet, I replied, rather unconvincingly. Please, love, try to see it from their side. Theyve already booked their coach tickets. Theyre coming to see their grandchildrenus, the whole family. Are we really going to be selfish? Ive already assured Mum theyd be comfortableshe was worrying about being a bother, but I swore, Mum, its all sorted, youll be living like royalty.
Oh, you promised, did you? Rebeccas voice was low, tight. Didnt ask what I thought? Just decided about our bedroom, my comfort, without so much as a word to me?
I was only trying to do the right thing! I snapped, temper fraying. Dont make out Im some dictator. I want my folks to have a decent visit. Theyre getting on, you know!
We wound up arguing. Rebecca retreated to the bathroom, turned on the taps and sat on the edge of the bath, gazing at her reflection. She loved me, and (despite the mortgage) she loved our cosy flat. But visits from my parents were always an ordeal. MumPaulinewas irrepressible, noisy and never wrong. My father, Charles, was quieter, but awfully fussy with certain needs.
Rebecca saw shed lost the battle. If she pushed back now, shed become the villain, not just to my mum but to me as wellId slouch around all day looking like a whipped dog, moaning about my hard-hearted wife.
Getting ready for my parents arrival felt like preparing for an evacuation. Rebecca emptied out her half of the wardrobe, transporting dresses and suits onto the rickety coat stand in the hall. She swept her make-up from the dresser, hiding her expensive creams in the bathroom drawersMum loved trying anything left out, then giving a running commentary on the smell or texture.
See, it all fits great, I chirped, energetically pumping up the enormous blue airbed in the middle of the lounge. The contraption buzzed like a hairdryer on steroids. Nice and bouncy! I tested it out myself, its dreamy.
Rebecca eyed the rubbery monstrosity, which now blocked access to the balcony. The acrid stench of new plastic wafted over.
A dream, is it? The fitted sheet will slip straight off that thing, its slippy as an ice rink. And the floors going to freeze us.
Well stick a wool blanket underneath! I countered.
On the morning of the 23rd, the doorbell rang at precisely seven a.m. The in-laws had landed. Pauline, wearing a grand fur hat, filled the whole hallway as soon as she arrived.
Oh, finally! That train was a nightmarethe conductor was horrible, and not a cup of tea offered the whole way! she boomed, unbuttoning her coat. Rebecca, love, you look ghastlyarent you sleeping or are you ill? Charles, careful with that case, the one with my chutneys and jams!
Charles silently hauled two immense bags inside, immediately hunting for slippers.
Come on in, shoes off, breakfast is almost ready, Rebecca smiled, though her eyes were bleary from staying up late finishing work so she could have actual time off.
Pauline made a beeline for the bedroom to inspect.
Well, its clean enough, she pronounced, running a finger over the headboard. Though the curtains could be cheerier. And the mattressTim said it was orthopaedic? Looks awfully firm. Charles, come and test it, see how your back feels.
My father dutifully flopped onto our marital bed, still in his travel creases. Rebecca bit her tongue.
Fine, he grunted. Alright. But these pillows, like lumpy sausages… Havent you got normal ones? Feather?
No, Charles. Just the ergonomic kindits good for your neck, replied Rebecca coolly.
Pah! We always had feather ones at home and we were healthy enough, Mum shrugged. Never mind. Tim, where are you two sleeping then? In the lounge?
Yep, double airbed, Mum, lovely and comfy! I said, beaming with pride.
The whole day was mayhem. Cooking, salad-chopping, an endless stream of my mothers chatter about ailments, neighbours and the current government. Rebecca felt like a housekeeper in her own home. Each time she tried to sit down with a cuppa, my mum would summon her: Rebecca, can you change the dish towel in the kitchen? Rebecca, did you get brown bread? Charles wont eat white, you know.
Night time was torture.
The so-called king of comfort was an instrument of torment. Move a muscle and youd bounce your partner halfway to the ceiling. The rubber shrieked with each breath. The sheet, as predicted, wrinkled up after an hour. And the floor, despite the blanket, sent an icy draught seeping up.
Rebecca lay there, staring at flickering fairy lights across the ceiling, listening to my snoring. Her lower back ached. The airbed collapsed her spine into a hammock.
At around three, my father shuffled through the hall to the toilet. Half an hour later, my mother paraded out for water. No door on the archway between kitchen and lounge, so whenever they switched on the corridor light, it seared right into our faces.
Rebecca staggered up next morning feeling like shed been trampled by a rugby team. Her neck wouldnt turn, her back twinged in agony.
Morning! trilled Mum, breezing out of the bedroom in the silk dressing gown Rebecca had given her three years ago. Slept like a baby! Such peace and quiet. Though that mattress is a bit hardCharles woke up sore. You shouldve chosen something softer for him.
Rebecca quietly ground beans for coffee, blinking away tears.
What happened to you two? Mum said sharply. Tim, you look a frightbags under your eyes. Was the floor too much?
No, it was alright, Mum. Well get used to it, I muttered, rubbing my numb arm.
You young people could sleep on nails and cope, Mum chuckled. Rebecca, are those pickled cucumbers in the salad? I always use fresh, much gentler. And your mayonnaise tastes terribly rich…
Rebecca turned, her hand shaking as she gripped the spoon.
Pauline, she said softly. I make salad the way my family likes. If you want yours with fresh cucumbers, theres a bowl in the fridgefeel welcome to make your own.
A hush fell. Mum pursed her lips. I glanced at my wife, worried.
No need for rudeness, Mum said, hurt. Just trying to give advice as someone whos been running a home for decades. Charles, hear that? Not even allowed to speak in my own sons house.
Becca, come on I tried.
Im having a shower, she cut me off, marching out.
In the bathroom, Rebecca found her shampoo exiled to the very back shelf, with an array of my mothers bottles in pride of place. A strange hair dangled from her flannel. The worst shock of all came when she opened her skincare cupboard. Her expensive anti-ageing creamused drop by dropsat uncovered, a huge crater gouged out of the middle where someone had greedily scooped out a third of it.
Rebecca stormed out, still holding the jar.
Pauline, did you use my cream?
That one? Mum didnt even blink from her spot in front of the telly. Yes, Charless heels were dreadful after the journey, all cracked and peeling. Saw you had loads of pots, grabbed something thick and moisturising. Worked a treat! She peered over. Why, is it precious?
His heels? Rebeccas voice nearly cracked. You smeared a face cream costing £120 on my father-in-laws FEET?
How much?! Mum shrieked. Youre mad! £120 for face cream? Tim, are you hearing this? And we slip your wife a tenner for socks!
Its my money, Rebecca said in an icy tone. I bought it. For me.
Oh, here we go! Such a princess! Apparently a pair of old heels matters less than fancy cream. Self-obsessed, I always said so.
I hovered in the doorway, glancing helplessly from one woman to the other.
Becca, Mum didnt know what it cost… Well get you a new one, just calm down. Its Christmas.
That was when Rebecca snapped. The calm shed built up burst like the airbed if stabbed with scissors. She looked at meonce again neutral, wanting to appease both sidesthen at the blue monstrosity in the lounge, at my mother sat smugly in the kitchen.
Youre right, Tim, she said, suddenly serene. Its Christmas. I dont want to spoil everyones fun with my dramatics or my stinginess.
She turned for the hallway.
Where are you going? I asked, alarmed.
Ill be back.
Rebecca left for the street. The cold air stung her lungs, cleared her head. She took out her phone and opened a hotel booking app. One of the best hotels in towna spa hotel shed always dreamt of but never allowed herselfhad a room free for Christmas Eve. The rate was astronomical, half her monthly wage for a single night. But for once, she didnt care.
She pressed book. Money drained from her account. She felt lighter instantly.
Returning ten minutes later, all she heard was the background drone of the telly and the hum of my mum making an ostentatious show of sipping cough syrup. Rebecca began stuffing her belongings into a holdall.
Becca, what are you doing? I rushed over, ashen.
Im leaving, Tim.
What? Where toyour mums?
No, shes full up with guests. Im going to a hotel.
A hotel? Why? What about Christmas? Your family?
No, Tim, youll have your family. You wanted your parents comfortablethey are. The bedroom is theirs. You wanted a romantic airbed experienceenjoy. I want a proper bed, a bathroom without someone elses hair, and not to hide my belongings. See? Problem solved for all.
Youre leaving me alone with them?! My panic was obvious. You cant! Its betrayal! What am I supposed to tell Mum?
Tell her the truth. That your wife is a selfish spendthrift whos wasting the familys money on her own comfort. Theyll love itsomething to discuss at dinner.
Becca, dont go! I tried to grab her hand. You cant! This is our home!
Exactly. Its my home, too. But when I cant even stretch my legs in peace or keep my things safe, Ill pay for peace elsewhere. Ill come back on the 27th, when theyre off at your aunts for the day. Or the 2nd, when they go home. Havent decided.
Pauline appeared in the kitchen doorway.
Whats going on? Wheres she off to at this hour?
Mum, stay out of it! I barked, surprisingly forceful for once.
Im off to relax, Pauline! Rebecca beamed. Enjoy yourselves. Theres food in the fridge, goose in the ovenjust hit the switch when ready. Merry Christmas!
She shrugged on her puffer, grabbed her bag, and shut the door. As she waited for the lift, I could hear heated voices through the woodmy mother shouting, me frantically trying to explain. But it was all behind her now.
The hotel smelt of pine and expensive cologne. The receptionist greeted her with a warm smile and handed over a key card.
When Rebecca opened her room, she burst into happy tears: a colossal bed, crisp sheets, absolute silence. No aroma of fried onions, no rubber. She shed her clothes, filled a foamy bath, ordered Prosecco and fruit to her room.
Her phone buzzed relentlesslycalls from me, from my mum, even a text from my father: Rebecca, please come back, its simply not done. She switched it off.
She rang in Christmas, wrapped in a plush bathrobe, fizz in hand, watching fireworks spark from the tenth floor window. Shed never spent the holiday alone. Bizarrely, it was the best shed had in years. No orders, no demands. Just existed as herself.
On Boxing Day, she slept till lunchtime; her back had stopped aching. She had a massage, swam in the pool. Only that evening did she switch on her phone.
Ten missed calls from me. One long text:
*Becca, Im so sorry. I was a fool. The airbed deflated at three a.m. Slept on the bare floor. Mums giving me an earful for losing control of my wife. Dads sulking. The goose burned because none of us knows how your oven timer works. I finally get it now. Please come backwell change everything. Ill put them in a B&B, or Ill sleep on the floor myselfjust come home.*
Rebecca smiled. No, not yet. Some lessons must be learned properly.
She returned on the 27th, as originally planned. She let herself in, and chaos met her. Boots everywhere, dirty plates piled high.
I sat, unshaven and rumpled, on the collapsed blue mattress. Soon as I saw Rebecca, I leapt up, almost tripping on the duvet.
Youre back! I could have wept with relief.
Pauline stomped out of the bedroom, face combative, but something in her eyes had changed.
Well, have you had a nice time swanning about? She began the usual tirade, but stopped short at Rebeccas clear, refreshed face.
Afternoon. Festivities going well? Rebecca asked lightly.
Dreadful! Mum blurted. Tims sickhis backs gone. No proper meals, weve been having takeaway, now my tummys upset. And you abandoned us!
I didnt abandon you; I gave you the room, Rebecca replied coolly. You wanted comfort. And I found it for myself, so I didnt end up bitter and broken.
Mum, enough, I said, finally decisive. Weve discussed it. Dad agrees we handled it poorly. Well move their stuff to the lounge. I even fixed the sofaputting a board under the springsits fine now. You can have our room back, love.
Rebecca looked at me askance. I fixed the sofa? All by myself? Apparently two nights on the floor had worked wonders as a learning tool.
What about Dads back? she asked, eyebrow arched.
Oh, Ill cope, Dad muttered, peering out of the kitchen. Actually, its not too bad with a flat surface. And anyway, well probably head off on the 29th. Need to stop in at the in-laws too, you know.
Pauline started to protest, opened her mouth, but glanced at her sons determined face and her daughter-in-laws calm, and merely huffed.
Do whatever you like. I only tried my best…
That evening, my parents bedded down on the sofa bed, which (surprise) worked acceptably with some ingenuity. Rebecca and I returned to our own bed.
Did you really spend that on the hotel? I whispered, hugging her.
Every pennyand worth it.
Ill pay you back. Out of my next paycheque.
No need. Consider it couples therapy. For you.
I fell silent, then snuggled up.
I swear, Ill never ask you to sleep on the floor again. Ever. Ill buy you that fancy face cream, too.
Ill hold you to it, Rebecca chuckled. And the airbed? Get rid, please. Or send it to your worst enemy.
I already slashed it with scissors, accidentally, the morning after Christmas, I confessed.
Rebeccas laughter rang out in the darkness. The tension of the season finally dissolved. She was home, in her own bed, the borders of her little kingdom restored. It had cost dearlybut she learned self-respect is always the best investment of all.
Even now when I look back, I realise the cost of comfort is nothing compared to the value of drawing your own line. That Christmas, we both learned the true meaning of boundaries.












