My husband, James, walked out on me for another woman about a year ago. He just said hed met someone he loved, that I was never really his priority and that hed finally found his real family. He didnt even think about the fact that I couldnt get back to work because our little boy, Jack, was only eighteen months old. Our older son, Henry, was in nursery, and we were barely scraping by. The only family I had left was my sister, who lives up in Manchester.
My dear, youll manage, my motherinlaw said. The flat is still in your name, so youll at least have a roof over your head. Be grateful that my son is still paying you maintenance.
He was and still is paying a quarter of his declared salary in upkeep.
James never filed for divorce, and I simply didnt have the energy. Two toddlers, a freelance job just to keep a few pennies, and the constant stress of it all. My motherinlaw would pop round once a month to see the grandkids, sometimes bringing over a bag of fruit.
Their father was nowhere near the childrens lives. He kept saying hed have his own kids now. So for a whole year it was just me, the kids, and a daily battle to get by.
At the end of that year a spot opened up at Henrys nursery, and Jack got a place too. I could finally go back to work, and things started to look a little brighter.
One afternoon my motherinlaw rang, James will be a dad soon! she shouted, delighted. Get the divorce sorted quickly I dont want my grandchildren born out of wedlock. I soon learned his new girlfriend was already eight weeks pregnant, so I filed the papers.
A week later James was in a car crash. He loved speed and risky overtakes, and this time his luck ran out. The car wed bought together was written off, and he ended up in hospital with a bundle of injuries. The doctors said there was little hope hed ever walk again.
My motherinlaw was sobbing on the phone. I felt a pang of pity after all, James was still my husband but then she dropped a bomb:
You need to get James out of the hospital and look after him, she said.
Me? Why me? I asked, stunned.
Youre his wife; you havent finalised the divorce yet, she replied. His girlfriend terminated her pregnancy yesterday. She doesnt want a child with a disabled dad. As his wife, its your responsibility now.
The divorce wasnt final because the court date had been postponed due to his hospital stay.
I told my motherinlaw that my duties as a wife ended the moment her son walked out on us without a second thought. Hed left me and the kids for a whole year, giving us nothing.
He abandoned me and our children, I said. Its a cruel coincidence that were not legally split yet, but Ill sort that soon. James still has his mother, who dotes on him.
You expect me to look after my son now? she snapped. I stopped caring when he was a baby. Its the wifes job! Youre heartless and ungrateful. Ill tell my grandchildren that their mother deserted their father when he became disabled.
Now it looks as if Im the one who walked away not him a year ago!
Eventually my motherinlaw fetched James from the hospital. Hes making slow progress, and the doctors are a bit more optimistic. Our divorce finally went through.
These days my former motherinlaw is telling anyone in Bristol, Now I have to look after my sick son in my old age! His wife left him, the kids too! What kind of women are these? As long as a man is healthy and earning, hes welcome. The moment hes disabled, hes cast aside! And you know what? A lot of people nod in agreement, shaking their heads with sympathy. Yet it was James who walked out on us while he was fine.
A good friend suggested I sell the flat and move somewhere far off. My sister in Manchester has offered me a place, and I think Ill take her up on it.
What would you do for me?
