Dear Diary,
It feels impossible to put into words what has become my life these past twelve months. My husband, John, walked out on me a year ago, saying he had fallen in love with another woman and that he never truly cared for me. He told me he was tired of us and that he now wanted a real family of his own.
I was still unable to return to work because our youngest, Max, was only eighteen months old. Our older boy, Luke, was in nursery, and money was scarce. The only close relative I had was my sister, who lives in Manchester.
My dear, youll manage, my motherinlaw had said, patting my hand. The flat is still yours, so at least you have a roof over your head. Be grateful that my son is still paying you maintenance. He was indeed payingexactly a quarter of his declared salary.
John never filed for divorce; I simply didnt have the time. Two small children, a remote job that barely covered the bills, and an evergrowing sense of exhaustion. My motherinlaw would drop by once a month to see the grandchildren, sometimes bringing a basket of fruit.
John showed none of the slightest interest in raising his children. He claimed he was moving on to new children of his own. So I spent the whole year scraping by, trying to keep a roof over our heads and food on the table.
When a place opened up at Lukes nursery, Max could finally go there as well. I was able to resume work, and things became a little less frantic.
One afternoon my motherinlaw called, her voice bright with excitement. John will be a father soon, she announced. Get the divorce finalised quicklyI dont want my grandchild to be born out of wedlock. I learned that Johns new partner, Poppy, was already eight weeks pregnant, so I filed for divorce without delay.
A week later John was in a serious car crash. He loved speed and reckless overtaking, and this time luck turned against him. The car we had bought together was written off, and John ended up in hospital with multiple injuries. The doctors were grim; they doubted he would ever walk again.
My motherinlaw was sobbing on the phone. I felt a pang of pity for herafter all, John was still technically my husband. Then she made a demand that caught me off guard: You must take John out of the hospital and look after him.
What? Me? I asked, stunned.
Youre still his wife; you havent finalized the divorce, she replied. His girlfriend terminated the pregnancy yesterday. She doesnt want a child with a disabled father. As his wife, its your responsibility now.
The divorce had indeed not become final, because the court date had been postponed due to his hospitalisation.
I told my motherinlaw that my obligations as a wife ended when John abandoned us without a second thought. For a full year he had provided nothing for me or the children. He left me, he cheated on us, I said. The fact that were not yet legally divorced is a miserable coincidence Ill sort out soon. He still has his mother, who dotes on him.
You expect me to care for my son? she snapped. I stopped looking after him when he was a baby. Now its the wifes job! Youre heartless and ungrateful. Ill tell my grandchildren that their mother walked out on their father when he became disabled.
It now looks as if Im the one who abandoned himnot the other way round a year ago.
Eventually my motherinlaw did collect John from the hospital. He is recovering slowly, and the doctors are becoming less pessimistic. Our divorce finally went through.
These days my former motherinlaw is spreading the story across Birmingham: Now I have to care for my sick son in my old age! His wife left him, the children too! What kind of women are these nowadays? As long as a man is healthy and earns, hes welcome. But the moment hes disabled, hes cast aside!
Many people nod in agreement, shaking their heads with feigned sympathy. Yet it was John who walked away from me and the children while he was still able.
A close friend suggested I sell the flat and move somewhere far away. My sister in Manchester has offered me a place to stay. I think Ill take her up on that.
What would you advise me to do?
