I grew up in a family with parents who fought all the time. Dad was a hot-tempered man in general, and mom was a real chatterbox, so they had a way of arguing with each other on and off. As I listened to them yell once in a while, I thought that with my husband we would have no reason to quarrel. I would choose a man with whom we would be idyllic.
And so it turned out. Mark was eight years older than me, but very smart and sensible. He knew when to give in and when to stand his ground, and so that I was not offended. He had his own way of solving problems. In the eleven years of our marriage I cannot recall a single violent quarrel, not a petty altercation that began and ended in five minutes, that led to a strong resentment. Except the one that happened when my son broke a window at school.
He was in third grade, didn’t yet understand the threat of such a thing, but my husband and I were already imagining how we would be told off and how much money would be demanded for the window. While we were ready for the latter, no one wanted to be told off for a child.
To avoid going, I lied that I had an important meeting with a colleague, but my husband figured it out right away.
– The meeting can always be postponed, the reason is important.
– But I still agreed two weeks ago. If I miss it, they’ll think I’m disrespectful and they’ll demote me…
– Don’t make this up. You’re just meeting a colleague, and I’m finishing up a project at work. I need to stay late, and because of this meeting with the director I could lose my bonus.
I gasped:
– So your job is more important than mine? Why is that?
– Because I get paid more, so I get paid more. Who do you think will pay for the window?
– I thought we were in this together.
He nodded in agreement.
– If we pay for the window together, then we’ll listen to the reprimand together.
I categorically did not want to. He’s a man, he’s solid, he makes a better impression. And his speech is better. He will deal with the director faster and better, and I will sit there and blush, not picking up words.
– Why should the two of us miss critical moments for the job? Someone should go alone…” I continued.
At this my husband sighed heavily. He thought about this dilemma for a minute, and then asked me to get my wallet and get some coin.
– Let’s flip it and decide who goes to work and who goes to school,” he said. – I’m heads, you’re tails. Whoever flips it, goes to school.
It was a totally honest decision. I liked it even more when heads fell out. My husband went to school alone and handled everything just fine. And we decided to use this coin idea in the future to avoid pending conflicts. We’d rather have chance solve a problem for us than have a fight on the spot.
