My grandchildren only see fresh fruit once a month, yet she buys her cats ridiculously pricey food, my daughter-in-law snaps, accusing me of being heartless.
Shes taken to shaming me lately, pointing out how her children rarely get fruit while I happily purchase the best food for my cats. But heres the thing: her children have both a mother and father responsible for feeding them a balanced diet, while my cats have only me. When I suggested to my son and his wife that perhaps they should pace themselves with having more children, I was bluntly told not to meddle. So now I don’t. I feed my cats and listen to my daughter-in-laws indignant grumbling about my supposed lack of generosity.
My sons wedding took place when my daughter-in-law was already expecting. Of course, they both insisted the wedding was about true love and the pregnancy was just a coincidence. I raised an eyebrow but let it go. My son was a grown man and ought to handle his own decisions.
Before her maternity leave, my daughter-in-law worked as a cashier at Sainsburys. She spent most of her pregnancy on sick leave, constantly complaining about the stress of dealing with argumentative customers. She doesn’t have the easiest character herself, so I can believe there was plenty of drama. But honestly, I wasnt fussed about her temperament; we lived separately, after all. I had my one-bedroom flat, and my son and his wife lived in a two-bedroom mortgaged property hed bought just before the wedding. Previously, we shared a three-bedroom, which Id owned, but I sold itbought myself a smaller place, and my son used his half for a deposit, then plunged himself into a hefty mortgage.
Why go for such a big place now and pay so much extra? Id asked at the time, unaware of his impending wedding. Later, everything made sense.
My son handled the mortgage himself. With his wife almost always on sick leave and about to go on maternity, she wasn’t contributing financially, although she was more than happy to spend money. As a result, they were always skint.
I tried to keep my distance to avoid being blamed for their troubles. My son had chosen this woman as his wife, after all. They didnt live with me, so we werent warring over the kitchen or bathroomlet them get on with it.
Incidentally, my sons flat wasnt far from mine, so he sometimes popped round after work for dinner. His wife wasnt keen on cooking, explaining that the smells made her feel ill, which might well have been the case.
When my first grandson was born, I thought perhaps I should offer to help, it being their first child. But I was swiftly told shed manage, thank you very muchshe already had her mother and the internet for advice. That was fine by me; I brought gifts and played with my grandson, but didnt offer assistance again.
My son struggled with the mortgage, a wife, and a baby, but carried on stoically, knowing hed made these choices. All I could really do was feed him occasionally and reassure him that things would settle once the child got older and his wife returned to work.
But she had no intention of returning. When their first boy was almost two, she was pregnant again. I hinted they might want to slow down with the childbearingperhaps their contribution to the nations birth rate could pause for a while. In return, my daughter-in-law snapped, Mind your own business! Were not asking for your help. My son mumbled something about child benefit helping out. Since theyd made their decision, who was I to say otherwise? After shed told me to keep my nose out, I stopped interacting with her altogether. My son would sometimes bring the eldest round for a visit, but I never visited their home.
We each lived our own livesmy son with his growing family, and me with my cats. My son would occasionally confide that they were desperately short on money, sometimes dropping hints that things werent exactly rosy at home. But what could I say? Get divorced? Change jobs? Have a chat with your wife? As if life were that simple.
Later, a second grandson arrived, but I wasnt included. I wasnt even invited to the hospital. It stung, but I wasnt about to beg for inclusion where I clearly wasnt wanted. Apparently, my daughter-in-law had made up her mind about me and my son wasnt about to argue.
I got to see my second grandson for the first time when he was already seven months oldI was graciously allowed to attend the elders birthday. I brought presents for both boys, brought some nibbles, knowing money was tight. I stayed a couple of hours, but my daughter-in-law paraded around with a stony face as if merely tolerating me. Not that I intended to chase after her, pleading for approval. I kept my distance, and they didnt invite me again. I saw my eldest grandson when my son brought him over; the younger one remained at home.
Money troubles still plagued my sons household. The child benefit hadnt solved their issues. My son increasingly complained about his wifes lack of budgeting skills, saying, She cant manage money, and Im not made of it. I kept quiet.
Not long ago, I bumped into my daughter-in-law at Tesco and noticed she was clearly pregnant again. She peered into my shopping basket and nearly hissed, Lovely. The grandchildren get fruit once a month, and you buy luxury food for your cats. She then whisked the elder boy away.
But who is to blame if I can afford good food for my pets while they cant provide fruit for their children? She knows they have no money, a mortgage, and my sons job isnt going well, yet she keeps having more babies. Why doesnt she go out and earn money for fruit? Why should I be racked with guilt over it?
Id wager shell soon bar me from seeing the grandchildren at all, branding me a dreadful grandmother who isnt eager to hand over every last penny to her sons family. One should use their own wits in life, but my daughter-in-law clearly hasnt got much, and frankly, Im beginning to wonder if my son does either.
