You know, my whole life has been shaped by not having my dad around, and as I grew up, I just felt this growing urge to find him and to get some answers to questions that had always gnawed at me. My mum was already expecting me when he left, just walked away and left her to handle everything on her own. She kept her pregnancy to herself, worrying about what people would say and the shame it might bring, but my dad simply chose to dodge all responsibility instead of stepping up as a father.
Honestly, I have so many fond memories of my mumshe was always so hardworking and took care of me without ever complaining. Shed show her love through little treats shed bring home, and every night, shed kiss me gently on the forehead before bed. As I got older, I started wondering more and more about my dad, but I never felt right bringing it up because I couldnt bear the thought of hurting mum.
After so many years of never knowing him, I decided to try and find him. While going through some of my mums things, I stumbled upon some documents with his full name and a past address. Not really sure what I was supposed to do next, I had a go at searching for him online, but it basically led nowhere. Funny enough, I ended up chatting online with a girl my age who actually lived in the same town as my dad. She was really kind and offered to help, so I didnt waste any timeI went straight over to that address.
Unfortunately, when I got there, he was away on holiday with his new family. My new friend was really determined, though, and she started asking the neighbours questions. Eventually, she found out that my dad and his new family actually lived at a house nearbythe neighbours were more than happy to point us in the right direction. When he and his family finally came back from their trip, she tried to get in touch with him on my behalf.
Sadly, what I got from him was nothing but disappointment. He refused to meet me, telling her that hed moved on to start a new life with his family and didnt want to risk that for the sake of a complete strangereven if that stranger was his own child. Hearing that hit me harder than I expected, and it made me see my mums words in a different light.
Looking back now, I realise how naive it was to go searching for him without really thinking about what it could lead to. His refusal to acknowledge me just made the emptiness Id always felt even worse. Maybe its finally time to accept the truth and find comfort in the love and support Ive always had from my caring mum.
