Ellie, sweetheart, Im asking you, her mother said, crouching beside her, we need to stay here for a while, just a bit, things will settle down soon, and then well go back to the city.
Ellie gazed at her mother in silence.
Ellie, do you hear me? Do you understand? Her mother gently shook her shoulder.
Yes, Mum
Then why are you so quiet? Mums nerves were showing, and Ellie could tell.
Im not quiet, Mum. I was just thinking.
Thinking, she says. Have a look at all these books, Ellie Oh, I used to love reading at your age.
Mummy are we going to have to stay here for a long time?
Im not sure, love. We just have to for now.
Ellie understood all too well what had happened to their family. Her mother believed she was too young, but Ellie understood every bit.
Aunt Cathy will pop in to check on you, and Ill be cooking for the week. Ill leave in the mornings for work and be home in the evenings. At weekends, well be togetherwe could walk down to the stream and paddle
Her mother covered her face with her hands. Oh, darling, forgive me
Dont cry, Mum, please. I know Dad left us. I know we have to get by, and this little cottage of Grandmas was the best choice. Letting the flat out to other people was smart.
I know, Mum I promise Ill be good, Ill wait for you, Ill read lots, and Aunt Cathy will keep an eye on me.
Well make it through, Mum and when autumn comes, Ill go to school. Mum is there a school here?
No, darling. There used to be one, but not anymore. But I promise you, by autumn well go back to our flat. This is only for nowonce I find a proper job. Ive let the flat till August, so well have enough time, and after well do it up, and everything will be fine.
I know, Mum
That evening, Ellie and her mother sat for a long time on the porch of the little house, as her mother spoke of her own childhood, of her wonderful grandmother.
Mum, did you have a mother?
I did, Mum sighed, shes still around, just I wasnt really wanted.
Hows that? How can a mother not want her child?
Well, my darling, I came along earlyshe and my father didnt get on, he left for another city, started a new family. Mum struggled for a while, then brought me here to Grandma Sonia, and went back to London.
And did she find happiness?
She did, sweetheart, but she forgot all about me. Remarried, had two more children. Shed only send cards for my birthday or Christmas.
I remember she once visited when one of her children was ill, she brought them here for the fresh country air. She never told them about me. They didnt know I was their sister.
My grandma told her my school-leaving dance was coming up and suggested she buy me a dress She got angry, shouted at Grandma for being heartless, saying her own child was ill and Grandma was worrying about dresses.
Sonias your child too, Grandma said. How can you be so cold?
Strong as a horse, she spat. Let her buy her own dress.
Grandma had enough and sent her off
Mum, you never call her Mumonly she or her name.
I know, Im sorry, darling. I just cant Grandma Sonia felt like my real mum.
Is that why youre named Sonia, after her?
Probably so In her honour.
Did you love her, MumGrandma Sonia?
I loved her very much, so much. When she passed away, I felt like the world turned grey. I waited for my mum too, waited every birthday, every holiday
When I was ill, at the start of term, when Grandma died I waited for her.
She couldnt come, as her new husbands mother had a big birthday. She came later, cried Told me to get ready, as I was underage.
I hoped shed take me in, but noshe sorted out my classes and put me in a student hall.
My first New Year, not with GrandmaI naively hoped my mother would have me stay, but she said, Sorry, Sonia, the house is full of relatives, theres no space.
So I decided Id go homeafter all, I had my own house.
Give me the keys to Grandmas, I said.
Why? she asked suspiciously.
Its mine too, you know, if you think you can just take my inheritance, youre wrong.
Its my house as well, she huffed, we planned to go there for New Year in the country.
I told her, If you set foot there, Ill spoil your celebration. Give me the keys!
She didnt hand them over. But why would I care? I hopped the fence, bought two new locks in town, called our neighbour, Uncle Fred, and he helped fit them.
As for her claiming the place, all the neighbours said theyd stand by me, for Grandmas sake.
Id planned to spend that New Year alone, but some friends came overwe had a lovely time.
And then I turned eighteen.
Do you ever see her now?
No Why would I? She has nothing to say to me, nor I to her.
Mum you wont ever do the same to me?
Never, you hear me? Never in my life
Ellie felt grown-up and truly unafraid. Mum went off to work, Aunt Cathy popped in twice. Ellie ate her lunch, tidied her plate, fed her doll, Holly, and sat down to read.
Ellie had just learned to read and took great interest in storiesshe read for Holly and Teddy Max.
Her days passed the same way. At first, shed weep a little, well, more like tears just came without her wanting them, but shed try to hold them back. Still, the tears would fall not out of her own will, just those pesky tears.
But whenever Mum came, everything would be alright again.
One day, though, Mum didnt return. Ellie waited and waited, dusk fell, so she clicked on the lights and drew the curtains.
Dont worry, Holly, Max, Mary, Nina, and Andy the clowndont be scared, she comforted her toys.
Perhaps she could go to the station to meet Mum? But she didnt remember the way well, and might miss her.
Ellie chased away dark thoughtsno, her Mum wouldnt leave her like that, no, no, no She had no Grandma Sonia, who else did she have in the world?
She pictured her mother remarried, with new children, with Ellie forgotten, alone in this little house
The thought made her sob out loud. She cried until her eyes ached and her throat was sore, slumped in a kitchen chair, and eventually, she drifted off to sleep.
A noise in the hall woke her. Mice? Or maybe that other grandmother, the one called Zoe, the one shed never met, coming to drive them out? Ellie whimpered quietly.
Then the door swung open, and the light flicked on.
Mum! Ellie jumped up so fast her chair toppled. Mummy!
My darling girl, Im so sorry, Im so sorry I missed the last train and had to walk from the next station.
Mum, were you frightened?
I was, so much, Ellie, mostly for you! I kept telling you not to cry, but I was crying tooprobably scared off all the foxes with my sobbing!
I was afraid youd think I left you behind.
And so for the very first time, Ellie told her mother a lie.
Mum, I didnt think that at all. I know youd never leave me, never ever.
It wasnt true, because she had feared that, but she just wanted to spare Mum more pain.
They stayed in the cottage until the end of August, after which Ellie started school and her mother found a proper job.
Her Dad decided to go to court for weekend visits. Mum just laughed and said hed never shown any interest before.
I never stopped him, she told Ellie. He just never wanted to.
Now Ellie visited Dad on weekends. At first, she ran to him gladly, but then
Mum, I think Dads a bit like your Zoe. I feel he doesnt really need me, only meets with me for the sake of it. He takes me to the childrens play area at the shopping centre, but spends the whole time on his phone, arguing with someone.
I just sit on a bench and watch little ones, Mum I dont want to go with Dad. Can we tell him?
Dad started yelling, accusing Mum of turning Ellie against him.
Im your parent! he shouted. And youre keeping her from me!
Dad, Im not little anymorewhy are we going to those silly playrooms? And I dont even like crisps Ive grown up.
When you left me and Mum, when I stayed home by myself all day. Dad, when Mum missed the train and ran from the other stationthrough the woodswolves chased her, and I was home alone
The second time, Ellie told a lie, this time to her fatherabout the wolves. He listened quietly and left.
A month later, he returned, apologised, telling her he understood, and took her to the cinema just him and her.
Now, Ellie ran to see her father with joy again.
Sonia did you really run from wolves? her father once joked with her mum.
I did, she replied smoothly.
Then her parents chatted for a bit, and Dad missed his train. Her mother said his train had gone.
Mum, said Ellie, if Dads train is gone, how will he get home? Shouldnt he stay here?
Dad looked at her mother. But Mum was resolute.
Hell walk There are no wolves out tonight, she said, gently showing him the door.
Mum he wanted to come back, didnt he? Ellie asked that night, curled beside her in bed.
Yes
Will you forgive him?
Her mother was silent.
Mum, thats your business but I love you both
I know, Ellie, my darling.
But you most of all, because youre the bravest mum ever. You ran to me and werent even afraid of wolves.
Years passed. Ellie was now getting married.
Mum theres something I have to admit.
Yes, darling?
Mum that night, I did think youd left me, like Zoe did to you
My sweet girl How could I ever?
I didnt know back then, Mum Please forgive me.
And you forgive me, for everything youve had to go through
They stood wrapped in each others arms, mother and daughteralways together. No matter what happened, love and courage saw them through. In the end, our truest family are those who never let go, no matter the storms life sends.
