Dear Diary,
Today I watched my sister Lily argue with her mother, Susan Miller, after Susan had met Lilys new boyfriend, Kevin Carter. Susan wasnt shy about her verdict: Lily, Im not fond of this Kevin at all. She urged Lily to at least ask what exactly had set her off sometimes a man simply doesnt click, other times there are red flags that a lovestruck girl might overlook. If Lily had listened, perhaps the story would have taken a different turn.
Instead Lily brushed her off, launching into what she thought were fair arguments.
You never like anyone, thats why you end up on your own. You could have married even me, if you wanted, Susan snapped.
Dont judge me, Mum, Lily retorted. Just because Im younger doesnt mean I dont understand.
I could see the truth in Susans words. Men had shown interest, and most of them seemed decent, yet Lily dismissed them all without a second thought.
Without looking? Susan mused, then cut the debate short. Thats enough, Lily. Lets drop it.
She made it clear that shed given her opinion, and that Lily now had to decide whether to heed it or pick her own suitor.
Lily reminded her mother that it was getting late to make decisions. Im pregnant with Kevins child. My baby wont grow up without a father.
Part of Lilys resentment toward her mother stemmed from never having a father figure herself. In school shed been the only girl without a dad present for a legitimate reason. Two of her classmates had lost fathers, but thats not the same as never having one at all.
Lilys own father had been there at first, but when she was barely three, her parents split and the father disappeared. He kept paying child support, but he never showed up for her life events. Lily blamed Susan for not finding a stepdad, thinking a man in the house would have erased the stigma of being a singleparent family, as the other girls had once called her.
She resolved that, regardless of Kevins flaws, he would be the father of her child because he loved her and, she hoped, would love the baby too.
When the paternity test confirmed Kevins involvement, he leapt at the chance to prove he was a proper man. He offered to turn the spare bedroom in their flat into a nursery and talked about the future with a sparkle in his eye. Lily was delighted, and Susans earlier criticisms seemed irrelevant.
It wasnt long before the cracks appeared. By the time their daughter, little Lucy, turned one, Kevin still went to work every day but never lifted a finger to help with the infant. His mother, Ellen Thompson, kept feeding the fire by bragging about how she managed two children, a tidy home, and a job almost straight after giving birth, yet she never mentioned the modern gadgets that Kevins flat was packed with.
Ellen ignored a small but crucial detail: both of her own children went straight into a nursery after a few weeks, looked after by staff while she worked. Happy mums in her view were those who could dash in during a break to feed the child. After nursery came preschool, then school with aftercare all the same setup that kept her hands clean.
For Ellen, domestic chores boiled down to making breakfast and doing the laundry. By then they even owned a washing machine, albeit not the hightech models you see now. She set this as the benchmark for a proper household.
Our city, however, no longer had any nurseries. Mothers of toddlers were forced to stay at home, juggling everything 24/7. Some were lucky to have supportive husbands or mothers, but Susan was living in another town and wasnt retired yet, so Lily had to shoulder it all alone. Still, she believed Kevin loved them and that their family was decent until the night the fire alarm went off while Lily was in the shower.
It had happened a couple of times that year, both false alarms. This time, though, Kevin didnt react. Lily, shampoo still in her hair, wrapped Lucy in a blanket and sprinted to the bedroom. She managed to scramble onto the loft and slip into the next stairwell. Outside, she found Kevin, trembling, clutching his brandnew gaming PC, a professional video camera slung around his neck, and a tablet and phone spilling from his coat pocket.
Bloody hell, she thought, barely able to keep herself from snapping at him. He tried to make excuses, claiming hed been confused, that hed forgotten about his wife and child in the panic. The only thing that seemed to register was his instinct to protect his gadgets, not his family.
That was the final straw. Lily divorced Kevin, and for the next six months Ellen kept pestering them, urging a reconciliation in the name of keeping the family together. Eventually Susan took Lily and Lucy back into her flat.
Mom, you were right. I shouldnt have gotten involved with Kevin, Lily admitted one evening. I only realised how quickly he could abandon me when trouble struck.
Susan smiled, recalling the day theyd first met Lily at the lift, a terrier named Archie barking at us. He didnt even try to pull you to safety, she said. You were already carrying his child, and he knew it. A proper husband or father wouldnt act like that.
Lily had once been quick to say, You think you know a lot about loving husbands and fathers, but after living through it, she kept quiet, understanding that simply having a man in the house isnt a guarantee of a loving home. Sometimes its better to raise a child alone than to stay with someone just for appearances.
If Lucy ever asks why she grew up without a dad, Lily will tell her plainly: her father ran off to save his laptop, phone, tablet, and camera, not his wife or child. She hopes Lucy wont forgive that in the future. Neither would I.
Living through this has taught me a hard truth: a family isnt defined by who lives under the same roof, but by who truly looks out for each other. Its better to be honest about what works and to let go of the fantasy of a perfect picture than to cling to a relationship that only endangers the ones you love.
End of entry.
