You’ve got the wrong person; I’m not your bride.
Why are we doing this?
This event truly happened, and it turned out rather unfortunately for one lady, or rather, two women.
It all started quite ordinarily.
Vince’s parents had long wanted him to get married. I mean, just picture it—a good-looking, healthy guy working as an assembler at a defense firm, pulling in a vast income, yet still single.
He handed only a small portion of his salary to his parents, squandering the rest on frivolous entertainment and dining out, never considering buying a car. He could have saved for one in six months, maybe even less. But why bother? With cash at hand, taxis were just fine. Life was like a fairy tale—work-free time meant being well-fed and merry, with no one to nag you, except maybe your parents. But that’s what parents are there for, or so Vince thought.
His parents, however, had entirely different ideas. After much contemplation, they decided to act decisively.
They conspired with Fiona, a woman living in the next street, who had a daughter just like Vince—long past marriageable age but still single. Fiona quickly cornered Vince after talking with his parents, luring him to her house under the guise of needing help with a heavy bag.
Vince, always the good-natured chap, agreed to assist. Once inside, Fiona seated him at the kitchen table, offering a glass of brandy in gratitude. It was all so friendly and heartwarming.
“Vince, we’re simple folks,” she said, “and we value kindness in others. We want to offer a toast to your helpfulness.”
Vince didn’t refuse, not when asked so nicely. He downed his drink, and she promptly poured another.
Then her daughter made her entrance into the kitchen, introducing herself as Holly. Vince flashed a surprised smile, but perhaps he shouldn’t have. Fiona issued an invitation for him to return the next day for her daughter’s birthday.
With the brandy warming his insides, Vince saw no reason to decline. Saturday was tomorrow, after all—a perfect day for some fun.
And fun he had, so much so that he ended up waking there the next morning. By Monday, he was shuttling directly from their place to the factory.
Returning home after work, he glumly told his parents, “I think I’ve got myself in quite a bind… Seems like I’ll have to get married…”
His parents exhaled with relief and beamed.
The time until the wedding flew by. It’s always fast-paced with so much to do, and everything seemed to pile up: booking a venue, getting the suit tailored and the bride’s dress sewn, hunting down just the right rings, arranging transport for the couple and guests… Watching his money evaporate into who-knows-what left Vince in a darker mood by the day.
Not that he loved Holly. He’d drunkenly, half-jokingly remarked, “As a proper gentleman, I probably should get married…” Only to find Holly and her mother clinging tightly to those words.
Meanwhile, Holly playfully hinted, “Vince, you’d better prepare to pay the bride price!”
“What?” he tensed. “Can’t we keep it simple? I’ll come for you, we’ll get in the car, and head straight to the registry.”
“No!” the bride insisted. “I want everything just as Mum envisioned.”
Vince gritted his teeth, distressed by memories of their first encounter—not so accidental, eventually realizing it was orchestrated by his future mother-in-law.
But, finally, the day came. Vince donned his groom’s attire with a heavy heart and got into the hired car to fetch his bride. Like a fool, he went, even though walking was an option. But, see, traditions demand the groom arrives by car.
As he approached the building where Holly lived, her friends ambushed him, demanding payment for each step toward happiness.
He grumbled inwardly but handed the friends some change, prepared in advance, just to get them off his back. The whole affair made him queasy, particularly the thought of having to lie about loving Holly in the civil office.
Cursing everything silently all over again, he moved to the second floor, entering the house to find not just one, but five brides, their faces shrouded in white lace.
A bridesmaid proclaimed, “Now the groom must correctly identify his beloved Holly at the first attempt, or face a hefty fine for every mistake!”
“Yet another fine?” Vince mumbled, evoking laughter all around, mistaken for jest.
He stood there for a minute, hatefully eyeing the brides, each second reducing his chances of escape. They thought he was figuring out who was his actual bride, but he was unconsciously willing himself to do the right thing.
He made his decision, grabbing one girl who, in figure and build, seemed least like Holly, firmly by the hand, and cried out, “Here’s my bride!”
With that, he quickly led her towards the exit, tightly holding her hand. The girl, thinking it was a cheeky groom being silly, laughed and followed him.
A chorus of cheers erupted: “The groom made a mistake! He owes us ten thousand!”
Amid their laughter, Vince and the girl reached the car. She hesitated, “What are you doing? I’m not your bride!”
“I know!” he replied, urging the driver, “Step on it! Let’s get out of here!”
As the car moved, the girl uncovered her face, hastily asking, “What are you doing?! Stop the car!”
“No, I’m not mistaken,” Vince said, his voice full of desperation meeting her eyes. “I know exactly what I’m doing.”
And strangely, as if reading something in his eyes she understood, she calmed down, simply asking, “Vince, are you sure this is the right move?”
Vince nodded fiercely, still eyeing hers.
“So, you don’t love Holly at all?” she pressed.
“I can’t stand her,” whispered Vince, emphasizing every syllable.
“So, where are we headed now?” she inquired.
“Where else?” The driver puzzled. “Aren’t we going to the registry?”
“No, sir…” Vince sighed. “Not there.”
“I don’t get it!” The driver stopped abruptly.
“I need to hide somewhere, from everyone, probably…” Vince cast another look at the understanding girl, and she smiled.
“Shall I offer you a refuge?” she suggested.
“Hold on, newlyweds!” The driver interrupted. “Why aren’t we going to the registry? I’ve got your whole itinerary planned!”
“Don’t worry; we’ll pay extra,” the girl reassured him. “Just take us to this address.” She gave him a street and house number, and Vince quickly affirmed, “Yes! We’ll pay double rates! Just, if any of my family calls you, don’t answer!”
The ensuing uproar was immense. Vince’s parents and Fiona went as far as threatening to report him missing to the authorities, who laughed it off, suggesting they go to television to reach their runaway groom.
Vince stayed in hiding for two weeks, and Kay—the girl who rescued him—became enemy number one to Holly.
But within a few months, Vince and Kay married, this time out of mutual affection. Vincent settled down straight away, becoming a model, teetotal husband. He finally got that car. Yet, they sought a home far from Fiona and Holly’s neighborhood.
