“Don’t Count Other People’s Money”
“You’re being excessive with your spending again!”
Anna sighed. It seemed like every recent conversation with her husband, James, began with a similar outburst whenever she showed off something new she’d bought. Recently, she had stopped bragging to James about her new purchases—whether it was a sweater, shoes, or a handbag. Still, her husband noticed changes in her wardrobe, sparking an argument.
Realistically, James had no grounds to criticize Anna. She earned as much as he did, and they both contributed equally to the household budget. Despite his comments, James couldn’t claim he was supporting her or that he spent more on their shared expenses. Yet, every new personal purchase she made seemed to irrationally upset him.
Anna couldn’t understand why. They were doing well financially—mortgage payments were on track, and they could afford a nice summer holiday. After covering monthly expenses, there was still enough money left over for little pleasures like new clothes. But suddenly, James seemed to develop this unexpected penny-pinching attitude. Anna couldn’t figure out why. They had known each other for years, having met during their first year at university. Friendship turned into infatuation, which grew into a lasting attachment and finally, love. They married right after graduation and had enjoyed a happy five-year marriage—until now.
James worked at a law firm specializing in civil law and was showing great promise—he was expected to become a partner eventually. Anna managed accounts at a large real estate agency. Both of their work schedules were too demanding to think about having children, even though they were both 29, and their parents often hinted it was time to consider starting a family.
“Anna, don’t delay,” her mother, Vera, a fit, sporty woman, would say. “It’s risky to have babies later; you might have a child with health issues.”
Anna always reminded Vera that she herself had been born when Vera was thirty-three, and she turned out perfectly healthy. Vera only shrugged in response, “I was lucky. But you shouldn’t delay—I was lucky, but you might not be! Fate is fickle.”
She’d usually cross her fingers or look up at the ceiling for luck. Anna simply sighed internally, knowing there was no convincing her mother otherwise.
James’ parents weren’t any less vocal—they both insisted they wanted grandchildren, and two or three would be best.
“You have everything,” James’ father would say, “a home, a car, jobs. You’ve got the money. Let Anna stay home and start having babies!”
“Now, don’t push her!” his wife would chime in, seemingly in mock outrage. “Women can do a lot! But James, honestly, hurry a bit, we really want to dote on our grandkids!”
Time passed, and Anna and James slowly grew accustomed to these conversations, accepting them as an inevitable part of life. But their parents, of course, were not about to relent. Seeing that mere encouragement wasn’t enough to rush the young couple into parenthood, they adopted a more direct approach.
Anna’s mother, a vibrant and active woman, suddenly started “feeling ill.” She gave up her beloved Nordic walking and swimming, and at every opportunity, she lamented to Anna how even basic household chores had become difficult. Vera’s husband mostly kept quiet unless called upon to confirm her complaints. He’d nod briefly before looking away as if disinterested.
Anna was well aware it was all manipulation—aside from slightly high blood pressure, her mother was in excellent health. Vera had been athletic since her youth, competing in regional competitions and winning prizes. Even into her sixties, she maintained her fitness. Anna couldn’t recall her mother being sick with anything more than a mild cold, which was easily managed.
So, Vera’s constant complaints about declining health were mere charades. Anna observed her mother thriving, eating heartily, enjoying her favorite biscuits and salads. Whenever Anna visited, a meat pie or complex soup was always ready on the table—dishes not typically prepared by someone truly incapacitated.
When Anna shared her mother’s clumsy attempts at manipulation with James, he would chuckle.
“She probably claims she’ll kick the bucket soon without seeing any grandkids, eh?” he’d joke, wrapping his arm around Anna’s shoulders and giving her a gentle kiss on the temple. “Don’t stress over it, Anna. They’re just trying to rush us. We’ve already made our plans, right?”
Indeed, the couple had decided. Anna would work for another year to gain sufficient experience, which would be beneficial if she chose to seek a comparable position after maternity leave. Meanwhile, she’d focus on her health, undergoing necessary check-ups that she was currently neglecting. Afterward, they planned on having a child—a prospect that maybe even included more than one.
However, they weren’t in a hurry to share these plans with their parents. Doing so would likely lead to a barrage of questions on why they were taking so long. Anna and James preferred to discuss their future privately.
Everything was moving along relatively peacefully except for Vera’s concerns over her supposed deteriorating health until James began faulting Anna for overspending.
Anna couldn’t figure it out for a while. Then she sat down to review her expenditures on her banking app. Was it possible she was really spending too much without realizing it? Perhaps James, being a conscientious and thrifty husband, was merely trying to alert her.
However, the spending analysis showed her expenses remained consistent. Pondering this, Anna realized there was no reason for criticism. Could it be that something was bothering James at work, making him anxious about their finances?
Determined to resolve this, Anna decided to talk to James about her suspicions. One weekend morning, as they settled on the couch with coffee, she raised her concerns.
James shook his head, setting aside his coffee cup.
“No, everything at work is fine,” he assured. “You don’t need to worry about that. I wouldn’t hide something like that from you.”
“Then what’s going on?” Anna asked directly. “I’ve reviewed my expenses—they haven’t increased.”
Showing him the banking app graphs, Anna noted, “Last month, for instance, I spent even less. So what’s the problem?”
“It’s my mom,” James admitted reluctantly. “She keeps telling me we need to save up, that otherwise we won’t have enough when the baby comes, and we just keep spending…”
“Ah, so it’s her?” Anna realized, suddenly understanding the root of James’ concerns. “Your mom’s keeping tabs on my spending?”
James nodded sheepishly. Instead of getting upset, Anna burst into laughter.
“She’s clever!” Anna shook her head. “You understand she’s trying to pressure us, right? First, she wants me to save, then she’ll segue into talks about how we have savings and should start a family.”
“Yeah, I get it,” James reluctantly agreed. “But how do I explain this to her?”
“You don’t,” Anna shrugged, contemplatively gazing at her half-empty coffee cup. “James, let’s just tell them about our plan. Yes, they’ll probably fuss about the delay, but we’ll explain things as they are—my career, our timeline. I think they’ll understand. Even if they don’t, it can’t get much worse.”
“Probably…” James mused.
“It’s Sunday tomorrow, let’s invite them for tea and discuss it as a family. I’ll bake something. Your parents love my shortbread cookies; I could make those.”
“Alright,” James wrapped an arm around his wife and kissed her temple as was his habit. “You’re right—it’s better to have an open discussion than to plan things behind their backs.”
